hey there, i'm 18 years old and i have just been dumped.

We were friends beforehand (only 14 at the time) and he cheated on this girl to be with me. We then started dating and we got along great, hence the reason we were together for over 3 years. I have to admit i think i loved him more, i put in the most effort and i would literally do anything for him. He lied to me sometimes and i sometimes lied to him but we NEVER cheated on one another. We were so young at the time anyways i don't think we took the first year that seriously..but the next 2 years were blissfull, we were so in love, and we were soo happy. However since christmas we've had a few ups and downs, and argued more and more. I never though to much of it, and we had mini arguments and said we would break up (but we never did) and then on thursday he just dumped me!! I was so shocked, and not ready..i didn't think it was the right time and i'm still madly in love with him. He said he hadn't been happy for months (but looking back i remember times when he had said he was sooo happy and that he loved me, so why he lie?)

The day after he dumped me i found secret messages between him and this girl flirting and shes 4 years older than him and his boss! and i told her she was out of order and i had a go at him for hurting me just after one day. He apologised and said it was a stupid thing to do and that he wasn't really thinking and that he doesn't fancy her. He did say she was pretty though!?!?! He said it was a one off thing and it never happened when we were going out or that it will happen again...

I guess i don't know what to do i cry all the time..and i hate myself i wish i'd appreciated the time with him before we had ended and i've not only lost him but his family and friends too. And i know 100% he doesn't wan't me back, but he does wan't to be friends. I'm not ugly, and i get loads of male attention but i don't wan't noone else just him. I dream of him every night and i wake up to my life which seems like a nightmare without him. I went round his house to give back his stuff the other day and we ended up having sex, he told me beforehand not to take this as us getting back together or that he had feelings for me, just that he found me really attractive still. I went through with it because i love him and wanted to feel close to him.

Whats the best thing to do, to get over him? Hes my first love, i lost my virginity to him. I guess to sum it up - he dumped me because he wanted to wake up every day feeling independant, to not have to answer to anyone or tell anyone what hes doing. And i accept that as he hasnt really experienced the teenage 'single' life, but i thought he was 'The One' that we were worth a little more than that. I thought i would spend the rest of my life with him..

Anyone please, say anything, anything that will make me feel better. Tell me everything will be ok, or any tips on how to cope or get over your first true love..

s_cianci

You sabotaged yourself in several ways. First, knowing that he was cheating on someone else to be with you ; bad move. Knowing that he did that, what made you think that he wouldn't do the same to you (and quite possibly has)? Mutually lying to each other ; red flag #2. If you can't be truthful with each other, then something's amiss. Frequent arguments ; another bad sign. Finally the biggest mistake of all, having sex with him when you went by to get your things. I'm sorry, but despite your closing request, I really can't say anything to you that will "make you feel better." This relationship wasn't right from the start ; you either just didn't see it or you did but chose to ignore it. I can't be sure which but hopefully you've learned from it. If so then it's all worthwhile.

azanerd

When you have feelings for someone, you ignore details like the fact that he cheated on someone to be with you, you don't want to believe that he's just a cheater. You want to believe that he did it for you. It was a bad decision to have sex with him, but understandable because you're still hoping he will come back to you and in those moments when you're sleeping together, you felt like he was your's again. After spending so many years with this guy, he has become such an important part of your life. He was probably the main focus of your life and now that he's decided to go a separate way, you feel lost because such a huge part of your life has just went away.

You did not sabotage yourself... You followed your heart. You'll learn from this. Your heart will mend and life will go on. You'll fall in love again. Your first love hits you hard and when it ends, it destroys your world... But the love of your life comes gently and puts it all back together again.

So much of life has been built with this guy in it. Now it's time for you to take some time to get to know the single you, just move on and I promise things will get better and the pain will go away. This guy is not the one.