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I guys, second day true no contact, very mixed up feelings.
You were all right, I should of done no contact straight away !!! But at the time I did not know about it or the benifits of it. Instead I did the needy ex boyfriend and pushed her away further, because she was moving away from me, this constant rejection caused me to be angry and I lashed out, pushing her further away and lowering my value to her.
I did a period of no contact to be able to step back from the emotional attachment and stop the needy obsessiveness. It worked, but at that time she had stopped speaking to me. I then initiated contact to try to get her to like me again so that we could look to rebuild the relationship. Howeve she simpley played games at this point, (indicates that she was not really interested but liked the attention). I tried to limit the attention but was really nice to her, in each contact.
I was not on line for a couple of weeks, when I did go on line she had removed me from her contact list, but not blocked me. so that she would not know I was online. I sent a nice emial saying if she wanted no contact that was fine, but not what I wanted. (I have learned to not act on my anger). So she placed me back into her contact list but with a photo of her and a guy. Gutting. I did not react to this straight away and left it as it was. She was online but away, so I am presuming this was so that I would definatly see this ! (this was the girl who said that she would not tell me about any other as she would not hurt me !).
Logged on 2 days ago , not to talk to her but just to talk to my familly, as soon as I log on she loggs off, so I remove her from my contact detail. Last night i blocked her. Hurting like hell because we will never speak again and she is with another.
My problem is: The inital break up was caused by her, but due to my poor way of handling it, needy obsesiveness I have lovered my emotional value to her and pushed her away. Into the arms of someone else !!!
*** She will see the blocked msn and will either not be bothered as it has no value or will be bothered as we will never speak (she has pushed me to this). Because she pushed us away instead of trying, my being unable to handle this has pushed her farther away but she is now happy that something that was so nice to her is meaningless and she is with another.
Finding this very hard to cope with, it is fundementally wrong ! Surly she should be bothered, I mean you dont enter a relationship for it to end in bad terms.... Why does she just not talk things through ? The fact that she does not proves that I mean nothing to her and that our time together also means nothing.... How can she be like this ?
Sorry to hear you are going through so much right now. It sounds like she was playing games with the MSN thing. The best thing you can do, is what you are doing now. Basically have nothing to do with her. You should change your profile, so that you can't see her when she is online, although you have blocked her why torture yourself.
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Quit with the games 4answers, she loves the attention but cares very little for you..Sorry if that hurts but you must face this truth. She is immature for putting that picture of her and her new partner on MSN. Don't play into her hands, block her and delete her. Try to forget what she thinks and feels. I have done the same, still do at times and it really hurts I know but you are just really struggling letting go and I think you are in major denial and this is where all these threads about No Contact come from.
I don't believe for one second you have ever used no contact for what it's real purpose serves. Now you know she is not worth it and does not care, the best thing you can do for yourself is quit questioning her and how she feels or what she thinks and begin using no contact for what it really is>>to work on yourself and finally let go.
Surely you know you are worth more than this. I know how you feel because as you probably are aware from reading my threads, I have gone through a similar process. If not, read my threads and know that what you are feeling is normal. I think the problem here is with the fact that you are uncomfortable with the fact that she is moving on and you still have this false hope that she will come back which quite frankly, if you continue to latch onto, will drive you crazy.
I mean what I say with the greatest empathy and understanding having experienced this pain and many others know what you feel too. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
Thanks Geoff. You are right, I have avioded full no contact, used it to step back emotionaly so that I did not push her further away. I guess I am finding it hard to accept that I was used and decieved, all be it at the time she may not of meant it with malice, but no one likes to be used. So when I caught he out on a lie, it was just not worth it, for someone she was just using to provide her with nights out and meals, etc.
She put on a image of a person different to who she was. (guess we all do! at the begining). However I liked who I thought this person was. And unbenown to me I developed strong feelings for her !!!!
As a person I dont just treat relationships with flipancy, if I like someone I want to try to make it work and work through problems.
Basically she met a lad who liked her, seemed nice and took her out. This guy was spending time and money on her (I know silly mistake). She enjoyed this and did not wish to lose this and so put on her best impression, which is totally not what she is really like !!! Stupidly I miss the person who I thought she was....
When away she has seen a lot of opertunity and because I was away and disagreed with something she seems to find acceptable, she stopped trying. I did the needy ex which did make things worse.
I have blocked her, deleted her 100% I am just angry that I acted the way I did and that I was so LOVE BLIND as to not see things.
Guess I just rushed in to deep to soon, without getting to know her. And now that I care, the real her hurts....
Sorry to vent ! I want to say all this to her but cant. Hopeing it will get better in time.
I am sorry to hear that you are so heart broken. I know you are going through allot of pain right now but just know that at the end you will be the one winning. It always takes another hurting us to realize how good we had it before. I know that this is not the best solution but it helps me to get over a relationship by seeking attention from someone else. When we have someone else that likes us and care for us and fills that empty void it helps allot to tune that person out. I know it is stupid but it works for me. I do hope you heal soon you sound like a great guy. And that whole msn thing was a mean way of her saying that she is not interested and is moving on. Hope all goes well for you
Sorting through your part in this to find what you did wrong is a good sign. But like Forever said, if you are dwelling on her, find a way to change the channel for your own sanity. In other words, think about the principles involved but not the person. Now that you know how dishonest even well intentioned people can be -- use it to acquire discernment about others. Go slower, so that you will have time and experiences to see the person in lots of different situations. Get confirmation of who they are from a variety of sources too -- their family, friends, coworkers, etc. And look to see if what they say matches what they do over time. Phoniness does not endure conditions like that easily. Make sure your love and your trust are in tandem and well founded too.
Also, believe it or not, make yourself more transparent, more real. Best foot forward, sure, but give up the mask yourself. Being real is a very powerful place to come from. It makes you more bs-proof, not less. See it not as a vulnerability but as confidence, which can be very sexy. Suffer this defeat, this rejection telling yourself it is a survivable event to strengthen to your ability to take this risk of being real. It will make those who would play games shun you and those who would match your ability to be real come forward. Phoniness is really afraid of authenticity -- trust that a lot in the future. There are some wonderful and very real people in the world, some of them cute girls too!
I am sorry for your loss but, used wisely, it could make for a very different path for you from here on. I hope this helps.
Naive youth + painful experience = wisdom only if you choose it to. I think you've made a nice start on it here too.
I'm sorry for you dude, but you just have to let go now. It is not easy (I speak from experience), but you must, for your own sake. Let it go, you are only irritating her, and making it much worse for you and her.
And it is important to remember that your actions played a role in this, just as much as hers did! Don't walk away from this without learning anything about yourself... It just wouldn't be worth it.
I agree with wildcat 200% on this. I can remember when I was a younger man how important it was to me to talk to people through instant messenger and all that stuff. But somewhere in it I just got bored and now I could care less who is online. I may make idle chit chat at random but that stuff doesnt mean a hill of beans if you are living your life off the computer! You may want to chill out on the messenger completely for awhile! You'll be amazed at how you don't even need it!
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