Here's the story, my ex breaks up with me in November, but then tells me the next day it was a mistake, he wants me back and is very sorry. Things went fine until boxing day, I hadn't saw him for about 2 weeks since my grand-father died and I had been busy, we were talkingon Boxing day and he says the dreaded words "I don't think this relationship is going anywhere" 4 years we'd been together! Now, I have these urges to contact him, telling him I miss him. I dumped all my friends when I got with him and he had been my social life so now I'm doomed, when I'm out at college, I'm fine, when I get home, I just want to talk to him.

Should I just hang around and wait for him instead of doing the whole "I miss you" thing? If he doesn't do it, at least I'll know there wasn't anything missed in me not saying it.

I just need help.

Dark but not Heartless

I hope you don't mind me giving you advice based on a spiritual perspective, but here's what I believe. I think all successful relationships are basically "arranged". They're arranged by God, and if He wants two people to be together then He will use His divine powers to bring those people together. The catch is that He won't do that unless the people trust Him and trust their instincts. Put simply, your true love is not just going to come up and knock on your door and ask you to marry him. You have to make some of the steps yourself. I suggest you do the whole "I miss you" thing, and see where it goes. Maybe the reason he hasn't returned to you on his own is because he hasn't found the strength that God can give him to do so.

(PS: Don't assume that by breaking up with him before, you aren't meant to be together. God works in mysterious ways. He may just be testing your faith in both Him and in this guy you want.)

FolkDeath95

Thanks for that reply. I thought we were meant to be together though, There was something more with us, I certainly hope God finds him and helps him. I hate seeing him the way he had become. Anytime I think about him, I feel like I've been punched in the chest. I want to do the whole "I miss you" thing, but I can't help but fear his reply. I asked him when we broke up "don't you love me anymore" and he said "I hate saying things like that, but no". He also said just before we split up "I have no feelings about anything, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to have sex, I can't sleep at night" he was getting sick alot. I said it sounded like he was depressed and my friends seem to think he left because he's depressed. I don't want to do the "I miss you" incase this drags him back.

ordinaryguy

He sounds really depressed. Has he been to see a doctor? How old are you/he? Based on what you've said so far I think it's premature to conclude that God has ordained that you should be together.

Big red flag here. Not healthy to put all your social eggs in one basket.

chuff

I think it's time for you to move forward. I have a feeling you know that as well but are just trying to make sure. But this isn't going to work. He wanted out for a reason and maybe he was apprehensive the first time but I think he worked up his courage for the second attempt.

little evil

I agree with chuff. It really hurts more to beat a dead horse. Move on, if it's meant to be it will.

L.E.

MISSIBAYBE

The 4th year is usually the toughest year in a relationship. You will either make it or break it. I think you should move on. I know it hurts but what got me thru it were friends, music, and slowly started dating again. And then he'll want you back after he sees how well you're doing without him. So take this time to love yourself again!

FolkDeath95

Thanks for all the advice. To answer your question, i'm 20. I told him to go to the doctors about the depression thing. Here's the real problem, I know if we get back together, it'll probably fail again, because when he tried before after that I could juse sense something wrong between us. I only really want him back right now because I've been so stressed out, i'm used to talking to him every night and to suddendly stop talking to him it's felt awful. He hasn't even made any signal that he's sorry for hurting me. I can only hope one day he'll realise how much he hurt me but, has anyone else done that? Split up with someone only to regret it and want them back?

chuff

Well let me ask you this. If a house was on fire would run back into it? Your letting your emotions cloud your judgment. You can't go back to something that isn't stable.

There are other ways to relieve stress than talking to him. Try working out. Actually if you don't even want to do that just try going for a walk. Sometimes when I get stressed out I go for a walk for 30 minutes to 3 hours and it gets me out of the house and moving around.

Because he's not.

No offense but what would that prove? If he ever realizes it hopefully you will have moved on and be a stronger person so his immaturity and insecurities won't matter. And if he doesn't than he stayed the same person all his life and never grew, which is quite sad.

Yeah. Everytime. Even when I wasn't going out with someone but just dating them and they cut it off I get upset. But that's because in our minds we tend to only look at the good times or think "what if" as opposed to "this is reality." That's what your doing.
Let me ask you this, if you had a daughter would you want her dating a guy that treats her like this guy is treating you? Then why do you want it for yourself?

FolkDeath95

Damn you Chuff, you speak alot of sense. Thanks, you've made me see this situation for what it really is,