I was thinking, for those of you, who still have some residual feelings, about the breakup of your relationship, what do you think about, posting an open letter to your Ex (leaving their name out of course) right here. Get out all those emotions you are keeping in, ask those questions that are in your head, say the things you wish you could say. Type it up, post it, and truly try and cleanse yourself of those thoughts and emotions preventing you from moving forward.

What I am hoping by suggesting this, is for those who really need to get that last bit of hurt out, who have been tempted to contact their ex to ask that unanswered question , perhaps it will help to do an open letter to your Ex. This could be your way of YOU closing this chapter and on your way to days where it truly is all about you!

If this isn't a good idea I would understand. Honest. I just want all of your hurts to leave you and this thought popped in my head as a way that may be able to help. I dunno To be honest, in reading some of your post, I have been tempted to write the letter myself to some of these ex's...geeez.
So what do you think? Any one feel like starting the “ Open letter to my Ex” thread?

rol

hi kaitou,

You have just broken up and began no contact...the first few months you will analyse everything , whay you could have done better and changed...
This is completely normal and normal to feel drained.... but all this will prepare you better for you next relationship...use this time wisely so you will never make the same mistakes again.....slow is the way...
take care....

valinors_sorrow

Oh my Kaitou, I have been in your shoes. I want to just wrap you up in a hug and rock you while I tell what I know about this important topic.

It is such a painful lesson-- to learn that you contributed to that which hurt you but it is also an incredibly powerful lesson, a life altering lesson and I am not being overly dramatic here. And it comes with such benefits too.

This is where you must begin to hate the sin but love the sinner or you'll get stuck like this again and again-- over all the other mistakes you'll make (yep more are coming LOL) and the ones you will see more clearly now others make. We don't know we are making them when we make them and forgiveness really needs to start with that appreciation.

You will see in time that you only need to make them once (I wish everyone was this awake!) and that many many many good things come to those who learn the lessons -- my god, my whole life is one long testiment to that!! So if our creator can forgive me and the cosmic universe can forgive me, who am I to hold out forgiveness on myself? In a way, that is really bad manners!

Learn now that to atone for the mistake by learning the lesson and therefore being changed by it and not doing it again to the best of your humanly flawed ability is really good enough. It is all that is asked of anyone here, sweetie. Good enough Kaitou -- you learned the lesson!

LBP

I'm in the same boat, kaitou. But really, the other side can learn not to be such a baby about getting themselves into emotional entanglements.

So they ended up getting into a relationship a bit faster than they wanted. The best way to solve this problem is pretend that the other person doesn't exist? I will never understand that mentality, not for as long as I live. It's straight up cowardly.

So, yeah, you made some mistakes kaitou... Your job is to learn from them. But this other person had their problems, too.

talaniman

kaitou, Join the human race my dear, we all go thru the part of our lives where we have emotional trauma in our lives and it is so hard to deal with it and our feelings. First there really is no way to change things that are beyond our control so never feel guilty or responsible for something that just happens, also never beat your self up for making a mistake as this is merely a lesson to be learned and it can be corrected, maybe not now but certainly next time. Good positive action will help you to see that life is out there and there is a lot to do and learn. Stay busy learning, enjoy, and working on yourself. Volunteer work is something I highly recommend to all who think they suffer alone and is a great way to see a bigger picture. What you are going thru now is only life getting you ready for your next step. Hang in there.

kaitou

wow, you guys responded so fast. Reading your post actually made me cry. which is good, i needed that outlet. My little frustration cry. thanks a lot

Choosy

I want to tell my ex GF that I am feeling much more relaxed and happy.Now I am enjoying every bit of my life that i always wanted to.If u think that you are feelingless ,then it doesn't matter to me anymore.Go to hell

valinors_sorrow

It does suck that there is no dress rehearsal in life but at least its fair in that this is true for everyone. I can still remember the day I finally acknowledge (to myself) that I am powerless over others -- it changed instantly a lot of how I operated. And even more enlightening (again, for me) was how later on I realised just how powerless everyone else was over me BWAAH HA HA HA (LOL) and that changed me some more. We are for the most part powerless over each other - the best, if we even get this, is to influence only. That is something to consider and again its arranged fairly too, how nice! You MIGHT influence me, and I MIGHT influence you. But in my case it took professional help for me to get that I am not powerless over myself, nor is anyone else unless they choose to be. That was really a life altering awareness.

The best we can do is wake up, and live a life with eyes open, minds alert and hearts as loving as possible-- to ourselves first and foremost and then to each other. Lose the pollyanna mindset of childhood and see the world and its inhabitants as they are -- both good and bad. It is your job to take care of you -- that is your mandate as an adult. No priviledges for us without the corresponding responsibilites. The only real victims on my list are kids, animals and the infirmed-- they do not have the same resources as we do, on many levels.

So, when you see someone who looks like bad news, just quietly duck across the street. Don't be so quick to believe people. Some of us are very decieved and decieving both. But don't take on being jaded either, for that is just as bad. Instead cultivate (along with this realistic discernment about the world) a positive overall outlook because the best is yet to come. Notice the word "overall" and don't put the burden of your happiness on any one person -- its too big of a load for any mortal. And the good stuff that does arrive, be mindful that may not take the size, color, or form you imagined but it does indeed get better and better in the long run -- at least so far it has with me. That is the truth as clearly as I can put it.

Teaching

In one of the responses "someone talked about volunteering", doing something for others is truly healing and I truly believe it does a lot for oneself. You learn skills and grow from this experience. It is unfortunate that as adults we have lost our skills taught at childhood and I think it is true - we need to find a way to protect ourselves as the world can be harsh at times. Good luck.

kaitou

I just think that it sucks how sometimes you learn one thing from one person, but the price for learning is losing the person who you learn from. Learning the lesson is good, and it hopefully prevent you from doing it again to someone else. But i think it sucks that in some circumstances you can't fix your mistake, no matter how much you want to things just won't go back to before. And also you can't show the person what you learn from him/her.

I hope i'll realize my future mistakes sooner, so it's not too late to fix it. Just so that i won't completely lose a friend in my life.

talaniman

Unfortunately those are things beyond our control, we never know what life brings us or why.