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One sided love.....really need help!

Asked Jan 20, 2007, 01:16 AM — 54 Answers
Hello all,
I am a new member of this community . I had come across this community while looking for the answer to my questions.Well to state my problem........I have become a hapless victim of one sided love.The girl I love is already committed to someone else.I love her passionately....its been a week or so before I had proposed to her....and she rejected my proposal .she said that she is already seeing someone.My problem is that..even though I am trying to FORGET her..I can't do so,I really can't..it seems impossible for me to do this!every time I see her online I just want to talk to her....every time I see her before me,my heart just longs to get to her ...she is seemingly concerned about my situation but she shows indifference on face..If we come across each other then we both try to ignore each other...though my heart cries. I think I can't live without her but I also know that she is unreachable....this feeling of helplessness is just killing me...plzzz can neone help?I have even stopped talking to her and I am taking steps to forget her.......BUT I CAN'T..I REALLY CAN'T.....what to do plzz advice?I am literally on the verge of breakdown...I don't want to fall in this death trap of depression.....plzzz tell me how to forget her and how to tackle this situation.....I don't find solace newhere....I am even distanced from my friends and parents! I hate this state of mine.....but I just can't stop thinking about her.....all my hrs of the day are preoccupied by her thoughts....and the situations get worsened if I see her......I just can't forget her...I love her so very much

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54 Answers
Synnen's Avatar
Synnen Posts: 7,886, Reputation: 12359
Expert
  
#21

Jan 23, 2007, 09:23 AM


Quote:
Originally Posted by userjan1
dear Joe,
Thanks for your encouragement but you know it really hurts to think that she is someone else's.............that thought kills me!

See...the thing is...if you really love her, you'll be happy for her happiness, whether or not it is with you.

If you're just infatuated (in lust, maybe), then you'll feel miserable that it's not YOU making her happy.

To me, love is putting happiness of the other person before your own.

EDIT: Ack...drat me for not finishing reading. You've gotten great advice here, and it sounds like you are doing a ton better! Hooray for you!
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,685, Reputation: 50646
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#22

Jan 23, 2007, 09:35 AM


Quote:
Originally Posted by userjan1
thanks 4 d support AMHD.......I feel that I am again attracted towards her....what to do mannnnnn?should I maintain the no contact thing.......

Can I start dating again? Is it that this time I may be emotionally fragile
By all means leave her alone, and busy yourself with other things you enjoy. You will always be attracted to her but in time you will deal with it more maturely. As for dating, if you can enjoy anothers company without comparing them to the one you cannot have then fine. But be honest with yourself as leading someone on or using them to forget some one else is not really fair. You may be emotionally fragile if so have fun in a group setting.
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userjan1's Avatar
userjan1 Posts: 29, Reputation: 20
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#23

Jan 23, 2007, 09:38 AM
Ok Let me put it this way.....I honestly wannabe her friend....but I am afraid that if I take her as a friend at this stage..then I may fall in again....I am confused!

As the time has passed by the cloudiness in my mind has somewht cleared up.....but now again I feel attracted ........not because of lust..but only because I am a protective sort of a person and I still house a soft corner for her..though my intensity has drastically reduced
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,685, Reputation: 50646
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#24

Jan 23, 2007, 10:21 AM


I'd wait and see how you feel later, before worrying about the friendship thing, when the confusion is GONE! I'm afraid if you see or talk to her now you WOULD fall in again ...............HEAD first. Better to wait until you are a lot less intense in your feelings for her. Stay busy with a life you enjoy without her.
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userjan1's Avatar
userjan1 Posts: 29, Reputation: 20
New Member
  
#25

Jan 23, 2007, 10:48 AM
Okie expert....I will do as you say....it is just that whn I feel happy I just try to solve all d problems in my life and I become a little more tolerant towards people....perhaps this tolerance is what is prompting me to talk to her again....but I will adhere to your advice and refrain
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JoeCanada76's Avatar
JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,696, Reputation: 8853
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#26

Jan 23, 2007, 10:49 AM
Userjan1,

I have done my best to help you, but you keep going back to the same thing even after all the advice. You need to be able to help yourself. Every time you have any doubts about anything re read through ALL ANSWERS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Then maybe you will start to get it.

Joe
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userjan1's Avatar
userjan1 Posts: 29, Reputation: 20
New Member
  
#27

Jan 23, 2007, 10:53 AM
Yes Joe I hv started to get it man......its just that I flicker once in a while.I will be more cautious and controlled now..........but I will really need your help alwaz!


And to tell you the truth I am actually going through all dese answers whenever I feel low
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JoeCanada76's Avatar
JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,696, Reputation: 8853
Uber Member
  
#28

Jan 23, 2007, 11:00 AM
Excellant,

I think that is the best thing to do, is read all these answers whenever you do have that flicker. Like I said before the flickers are normal. We will be here to help you through them.

That is want I want to hear. These answers are to uplift you. Like I said before I will always be here to help. At the same time you need to help yourself as well. In order to move foward. I am going to change the way I worded that on my last post.
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userjan1's Avatar
userjan1 Posts: 29, Reputation: 20
New Member
  
#29

Jan 23, 2007, 11:05 AM
Thank you dear friend!
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userjan1's Avatar
userjan1 Posts: 29, Reputation: 20
New Member
  
#30

Jan 23, 2007, 11:11 AM
But I want to ask 1 last question......does NO CONTACT RULE also apply to her friends.....who remind me of her?
I really need the answer to this one.....as some of her friends hv been lately approaching me.....to be a friend of theirs too
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