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This is one for the books!
Asked Jun 4, 2009, 08:32 PM
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17 Answers This is my first and only attempt a doing this, but I can't seem to get an answer from people close to me, especially whom aren't bias. Long story, but here goes.... I met the love of my life 2 years ago, it was unbelievable, never thought I could feel that way, and it was reciprocated. Side note, and this might sound silly, but I think it is relevant. I am a very attractive man, and have always had beautiful women in my life, I have dated models, actresses(people you would know) anyway back to the story. So I meet this woman and we fall in love right away, from our first date we have spent almost everyday together. When I kissed her I could have world war three behind me and not notice and it was the same for her. She is drop dead gorgeous, smart, funny perfect(no joke she is perfect) ok so bliss everything is great, marriage on the horizon, buy a house together, I bought her a car. I have always been very successful, but then I lost my ambition, I began hating my job even though it paid amazingly. I had 3 cars by the time I was 28. And I am talking italian. So I knew I would get burnt out in my job at one point but maybe for 2 to 3 months and I had plenty of money to get threw that rough spot and still live the life I was accustomed too. But it didn't get better in three months, it got worse, this is when it began. I started lying to cover up my failures, I became insecure, and jealous. Everything was put in her name, she trusted me with everything. She didn't have to work, she modeled since she was fifteen, but with me she stopped, she didn't have to work. When she noticed things were off she asked if I wanted her to get a job and I said no. Then the lies kept going and I kept getting caught in them. She would tell me that no mater how bad it was that I could tell her and she would help cause we were a team. She believed in me no matter what. All she asked was that I told her the truth, but I couldn't bare to tell her. Long story short, lost my cars, the house is being forclosed on, in her name, and I have ruined her credit and her life. I can get back all the monetary things that nots a problem, but I crushed her, broker her heart like no other. She should want me dead, but it never came from a bad place, I just got lost. I never cheated on her, she was the woman for me. Even after we broke up she gave me chance after chance to come back and I couldn't stop ing it up. Now she is dating as she should, getting wined and dined by wealthy men, but recently she started to invite me over, saying she misses me, and loves me and she has never stopped saying those things. She was mine to lose, but she knows I am not ready yet. She goes on dates and still calls me. I don't know what to do, we are still intimate(we have amazing sexual chemisrty) we have both been with other people in the past 10 months we have been apart. But I haven't felt anything with anyone that comes even close. And she says the same, but after all I have done to her why on earth does she still love me, should I fight for it or should I let her go.....Most sites that I have looked at will say she is insecure and is afraid of being alone. Et me just say her name and insecurity don't go in the same sentence. She is a 10, trust me a 10. Everyman onthis site would want her(again don't mean to be so snooty, just really being honest, and want honest oppinions) PLEASE HELP ME, I don't know what to do, we get into arguments when either one of us goes out with someone cause it still hurts us both. I just know she would have me back, but after what I have done, she doesn't let herself and I don't blame her. I love this woman more than life itself......can I fix this? |
17 Answers
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You should let her go. I think you've done enough damage. As for her, it's human to go back to what seems "comfortable" - even if it is bad for you. Let her go. Move on. That's just my opinion. Sarah | ||||
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| You said she is a 10, it is just your rating. Not all guys have the same taste in women. I think you are blinded by your emotions because of all the wonderful moments you had with her and that's why it doesn't seem you can let her go. A lie is a lie and there are no excuses for them no matter how small they seem to be. I think there might be some trust issues here caused by all the lying that has been going on. Also, you said you guys get into lots of arguements which basically means it doesn't seem you guys could get along as well as you thought. Dont get me wrong, every couple argues but to the point where it is just pure argument and can't come to terms that just means you aren't really compatible no matter how good everything else might be. If that is the case it might be best to let go. Sitting down and having a calm, mature talk would be a good idea to see where both of you stand in the relationship. It also seems you aren't ready yet, take all the time in the world you need but also don't expect her to wait around for you because she needs to get on with her life as well. | ||||
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| In my opinion you should be together. You both love each other and if you really feel like you were meant to be then let it be. However, you really need to work on your communication with her. She wants to help and being honest with her is the least you can do. I really do hope it works out for you two. Good luck | ||||
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| Take a look at what you have written. What a snapshot of your mind! You are running about in a state of confusion and self-condemnation that cover up a bedrock of petty egotism. Why is it relevant that you are both attractive people? Do you think that has anything to do with being in a relationship? Slow down, dude, take a couple of breaths, and reflect on your thinking. You are not the first guy to lose what you have lost. Fortune and fame come and go for people and their relationships survive, even if the people involved haven't been perfect. If you are industrious, you will recover. But you won't be able to be with her again unless you do some work on yourself, specifically on your ability to build a relationship with someone like she is who continues through difficult times. Your fights are indications that you both need to grow up and either be committed to each other or be apart. Your lies show your fear of being a person with vulnerabilities, and not the veneer-person that your attractiveness has placed on you. If you are willing to struggle with her in order to be with her, then let her forgive you. Forgive yourself. See a therapist with her. Get a job. Be just a guy making his way. Make the next phase of your life. Do it with her. | ||||
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| I'm with Tao - I found myself squirming when I was reading your post. Who cares if she's a 10? Clearly you do, but in the end she's just an imperfect human being and so are you. It all sounds incredibly superficial and none of it is relevant except that you believed your own $hit. You are expecting things outside you to make you happy - money, looks, cars, your social scene. Now you've lost it all, and you're still looking. But the emptiness is inside you and she won't be able to fill it - she didn't when you were with her did she? You must fix yourself before you can fix anything else. You must fill the empty vessel inside you with humanity not hunger for perfection. You are the one that is insecure and afraid of being alone! You'll never be able to be content with yourself, your world, or your relationship unless you can deal with your own imperfection. If you really want her then prove to her that you are a real man, not a wanker. Make a decision to start again without all the superficial stuff. Accept that you've been an idiot and don't let pride get the better of you again. Try and be humble. | ||||
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| For the few who actually answered my question, I thank you. A lot of what you wrote, I have thought myself. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. To those who rather than answere the question chose instead to challenge my ego, I will say this. Just because I strive for the best, because I workout 6 days a week, and run 20 miles a week, and had nice cars and beautiful women n my life does not make me have an ego. There are spectators and there are players in life, stop being a spectator! Those are the same people that say "I lead a simple life, I don't need those things to be happy". Its not about being happy about possesions. Its about not limiting yourself, or settling. The only reason why people are stuck making 60k a year is because that's where they stopped striving. I again thank the people who took the time out and offered sound advice. Godbless and I wish you all success and happiness you deserve. | ||||
| Ren6 (Jun 8, 2009 08:00 PM):
Cry me a river...you destroyed this woman's credit, because you couldn't "bear" (it's bear, not 'bare') to tell her the truth. Source: |
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