I feel like the other woman

Katie Brown 22 · #1 May 9, 2008, 10:02 AM

I'm married, but have recently entered into a relationship with my former fiance. He is in a relationship with someone else (dating), but we've come to love each other once again. I am not happy in my marriage, and he is not happy in his relationship. We make plans to get together to spend some time with each other, but his girlfriend decides to stay with him, so that blows our plans. I'm at the point now where I feel it is just best to end our relationship as we don't get to spend but a short time together if that. We talk on the phone quite a lot, but it's not enough anymore. It's killing me, but I feel like he really doesn't want to be with me. My husband is a great guy, but I just don't love him anymore. Is there anyone else out there who can relate?

Romefalls19 · May 9, 2008, 10:08 AM

How about you do that great guy a favor and get a divorce. For once, start thinking about someone else's feelings besides you own. You are committing adultry at it's finest, congradulations. Both of you need to end the relationships you are in and let the two spouses that obviously deserve a lot better go out and find better.

bigbird213 · May 9, 2008, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

How about you do that great guy a favor and get a divorce. For once, start thinking about someone else's feelings besides you own. You are committing adultry at it's finest, congradulations. Both of you need to end the relationships you are in and let the two spouses that obviously deserve a lot better go out and find better.

Ouch, thats harsh. But I agree. There is no reason for the two of you to take part in ruining two other people's lives because you have not been able to settle things in a mature way. Spare the others' feelings before you try to figure anything out with your ex.

ConfusedInAK · May 9, 2008, 10:22 AM

You are the other woman and he is the other man... you are both in relationships and I take it your husband and his girlfriend know nothing about the two of you.

That my dear is called "cheating" and it doesn't matter that he was your fiance at one time.

You need to have a serious talk with your husband. If you don't want to be with him anymore, that should have been determined before you started seeing your ex beau.

If you want to save you marriage you need to seek counceling.

If you are sure you want to end your marriage then you need to do so before you or he get hurt worse than has already been determined.

However, stranger things have happened.

I have a girlfriend that (though I don't approve) told her husband she doesn't want to be with him and quite simply he said she could see other men. He didn't want to lose her... he still loves her. So here it is 6 months later and they are physically seperated (they live in 2 different homes... she has a boyfriend... they share custody of the kids...)

How this will end? No one knows....

The point is you need to talk to the man you are legally bound to and tell him it is over in one way or the other....

And I'm not trying to be rude, but all the sneaking isn't very mature...

Perhaps you can hook your husband up with your boyfriends girlfriend? (That sounded very Jerry Springer...)

liz28 · May 9, 2008, 11:30 AM

Of course you were the other women and you had an affair with him knowing that. Your both cheating on your spouse with eachother and that were your first mistake.

I have a question for since you stated you no longer love your husband, was it before you had a affair with your ex that you felt you no longer loved your husband or something else?

It seems to me that your mad that whatever plans you and your ex made fail because he went back to his ex, or he was together with her all along and you thought he was going be with you, not sure because your post is a little confusing.

However now see what you thoug was greener on the other side was not! You could not have a realationship with him because your both was already involved with someone and was married so it seems like your both used eachother but it seems you thought it was love!

Where does your husband fit into all of this, because its unfair to him.

sully123 · May 9, 2008, 02:08 PM

Tell your husband the truth! He seems like such a nice guy, so why would you want to hurt him like that.. You think the grass is greener on the other side, well now you have four people involved and all of you are going to hurt over this..

JBeaucaire · May 9, 2008, 02:26 PM

All the cliched phrases are fine. But you know what's going on, you know what you're doing, you know it's wrong, but since you have feelings you're saying "I don't care" about right and wrong and character and wisdom and just doing what you want.

You're behaving by pure instinct, undermining 1000s of years of developing a conscience and a mind and sense of commitment...all the things nature's animals DON'T have...you're tossing all that away for some feelings.

Awesome. Based on your ability to so callously disregard your vows and your "great guy"...it is doubtful you will listen to any reasonable argument here from strangers. Who are we to tell you anything?

Just make sure you're being honest. The pretty words of rationalization we use to make our horridly selfish sins sound less ignoble...admit them for what they are.

Marriage means nothing to you. Feelings rule all. Do what you want, your "great guy" is hosed either way. If/When you dump him, sure he's free, but the woman he loved crushed him. And if you stay, well, his reward is.... you...oh my.

Look in the mirror and be proud.



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