I dont understand why my ex has been so mean to me. When we broke up I was awfully hurt by what he did, even though I broke up with him technically, it wasnt because I didnt love him anymore, far from it, but because of something he did that left me no choice and which deeply hurt.... to top it up I never got an explanation, he just packed his bags, walked out (we lived together) and thats it and seeing how couldnt care less he was and was happy to abandon everything hurt the most.

I let him go completely, since what can you do... if thats what he wants then you have to let him be.... I let him go entirely, I accepted the situation and accepted that he totally moved on without me and didnt care anymore about me or us and accepted that he didnt love me and dealt with it as a person can only do... in the meantime life became perfect for him, family, friends, work, girls you name it life was really good for him and despite everything I wished him well and grieved the relationship very silently by myself since I couldnt be as unemotional and turn cold and simply forget a year and a half of constantly being together in a second but I picked myself up and moved on to lots of good things and good people and met great people and been asked out quite a bit by guys and everyone keeps telling me all I have to do is pick whom I want as there are loads of people who want to be with me but I just dont realise it as I keep my head down but I am not the kind of person that feels I need to be in a relationship to escape lonliness or fear of being seen alone and like to wait for the right person to start something as have always been quite conservative in these things. there are one or two people I met who are great and I know people around me would approve but I think its healthy that for now I just keep to myself a bit longer.

4 months on since the split and we occassionally bumped into each other but each time distinctly noticed how he was getting either ruder or pretending to avoid me especially amongst his friends. I had found some stuff of his and he kept kind of demanding I send it to him when I couldnt and it was his to sort out and collect, and couldnt understand why he just keeps getting more mean to me when I did nothing to him but let go and let him have the life he now has and love hassle free....finally I also drew a line, I couldnt wait to get signals from him to see if he was going to be polite or recognise my presence when we were out as I certainly now how I deserve and expect to be treated, so just decided best thing is to just assume we dont really know each other and not feel disrespected any more.

well last week I get an email from him out of the blue, really not nice, saying I am ignoring him and to send him his stuff.... first time in practically the two years I've know him I show I am annoyed as he was rude again but STILL kept calm... and what does he go and do but send off our emails to a girl he wants to go out with and by sheer coincidence gets back to me due to some very loyal people which I am grateful for.

I was upset obvioulsy as I am a very private person and had never ever talked about our relationshiop or why we split with even my closest friends out of respect. Anyhow I talked to him calmly and offered to meet to talk and when we did, again he was really mean and rude to the point I had to leave as now just had it big time with this holier than though attitude and at that point if I hadnt left I think the only thing that would have given me some satisfaction was if I got a rolling pin and hit him on the head with it... I am kind and polite but certainly not anyones doormat or ego trip and certainly never thought him superior to me which is how he makes me feel when he acts like this.

Feel incredibly hurt.... why on earth does he want to hurt me when I havent done anything to him except as cliche and sad as this sound, love him.....him sending my emails to a girl feels like a second betrayal and feel horribly used... and what for?? I'm not vindictive and no matter waht I really feel inside would never treat him, or anyone else like this and from the moment we broke up I totally let him go and have the life he wanted.... when we were together he was never like this, we broke up and he was the one who was over the moon and yet now, he just treats me very badly... to the point that I now dont want to have anything to do with him anymore or even as much to say hello.

Really funny... I havent been here in ages and never use these sites and dont know what to expect anyone to tell me... was told that sometimes people are just like that, they are mean and horrible to you the more you keep your calm and dignity intact... which makes me think...maybe if I do ever tell him what exactly I feel inside and let rip one huge rage at what an incredible horrible person he was to me then maybe I might feel better and be respected... though I doubt thats ever the case.... I just cant seem to understand how he switched so suddenly towards me, how he seems to like being as mean to me as possible and think he cant even imagine how much he hurt me with his betrayals when all I wanted was for us to work out and if not then still treat each other properly... but for all of that he is still surrounded by people who do harm to him, case in point the way I was told that he sent the email around, specifically being told listen this is really who he is, not the nice guy act he presented you with when you were together... and I dont know maybe cos its me, everyone tells me that everyone knows the difference between us and how I treat people well and nicely and how he uses people till it suits him and then is cold... but I swear hearing 20 people who mostly know him, most of whom I barely know, come up to you volunterring this info, being all curious, nosey and gossipy when I am quite shy socially, when you never asked and show you dont want to talk about him or the relationship, really does me no favour except very short term gratification.

just felt like writing, not sure why or what the point is... sometimes I wonder if he ever spent more than 5 mintues thinking about the breakup and the relationship we had or if he ever did in fact love me or us.... deep down though, I just wish we could talk, we could be friends and normal, he would say that sorry that would take away the hurt of what he did, I could say sorry for the wrongs I have done and hurt I might have caused him, just wish we could care for each as friends if nothing else, that we didnt have this friction or this bitterness which has seeped in, just wish he didnt feel that in front of his friends or the girls he hangs out with he needs to feel cool and be so concerned with what they all think, sometimes I just wish for ten minutes we were back to were we once lived, away from peoples opinions so we could be alone and just be ourselves to clear the air as I hate knowing there was once this person I loved as well as I could and now we are worse than strangers as strangers know nothing about you, but we know so much about each other and each others heart....I just wish people would be nice to each other, drop their egos and pride and I just wish he realised I am a mouse that roars and that by being nice to me he stands more to gain than being mean.

Wondergirl

BUT

Now, carefully read through all of the above and tell me what you learned from all that. Did you find out the same thing I did?

tammywatkins

No

Wondergirl

You "let him go" but you refuse to let him go. You are knocking yourself out looking for ways to keep him in your life.

Return his stuff to him. It's over.

tammywatkins

Oh I did... I had been wanting him to collect his stuff for ages so that I could get closure and remove contact and finally insisted he take his stuff and stop dragging it out... I just hate the thought that it has all been left with such a negative ending.