Now what?

Torrid13 · Jul 21, 2009, 12:34 PM

It doesn't matter why she did anything and what she's thinking now. Trying to rationalize her crazy actions will just get you more confused, and perhaps even give you false hope.

She did it, and you're making excuses for her. She clearly did not care for you as much as you did for her, and it shows in her actions and her swift leave.

Don't give her a muffin, or she'll take the whole bakery!

Now. Write her actions off to insanity and go find someone that you don't have to walk on eggshells for! Rationalizing will get you nowhere, so stop it!

Chey5782 · Jul 21, 2009, 12:42 PM

Sounds like she was already having doubts to begin with. If she was talking about babies one hour and yelling it up at you and breaking up with you the next, that's some confusion.

Answering you has nothing to do with family, it looks like she's trying to move on not deal with relationship issues you two were having. It might hurt a lot now, especially 3 months before the wedding, but one day you will be thanking your stars that you didn't wind up married.

Take a few steps back and try to see the things that we're not so great, maybe that will bring you some perspective and help you to move on.

pslayne2233 · Jul 21, 2009, 01:01 PM

No that's not confusion that's an irrational hot tempered woman. She def loved me enough to say yes to marry me. Torrid 13 you are right, I'm just confusing myself.. But I feel like that's what she is trying to do.. Keep me guessing.. I used to date a psychiatrist(crazy as hell) and I talked with her and she feels my ex owes me at least what they call an exit counciling so both parties can understand what happened. So both can heal and maybe trust another person some day.. She wouldn't do it.. Especially considering my ex never consulted me if I wanted to end it. Sensibly I would have said def not... My ex said she did it because I didn't tell her not to..? She won't give me closure for some crazy reason... She said maybe in 3,6 months maybe a year if SHE feels its still worth it she will come back to me. I have relinquished some of the balance back by not contacting her.. Agree?

pslayne2233 · Jul 21, 2009, 01:04 PM

Torrid13, I plead with her just to tell me that she was not "in love with me anymore".. She said she would be lying if she said that... On top of that she says "you just want me to say that to you to make it easier to walk away"... Ahh.....yea.. That would help? !

crisluvsu731 · Jul 21, 2009, 01:33 PM

I think she knows that she has you on a string and that she can get you to whatever she wants you to.

I would just not contact her anymore. We all know you can do much better than that.

Move on and find someone worth loving.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2009, 02:02 PM

You don't need closure, you need to walk away, and let her pay the consequences for her BS. As long as you keep playing her game, you will stay confused. Don't think she is playing a game? Proof,

Quote:

She said maybe in 3,6 months maybe a year if SHE feels its still worth it she will come back to me.

Thats an insult, and a direct challenge to you to show you can't doing anything about what she says and does. WRONG! Vanish from her life. No more talk

Quote:

I have relinquished some of the balance back by not contacting her.. Agree?

If you mean your standing up for yourself and refusing to be controlled, dictated to, confused, and insulted, yes.

Its about your dignity, and self respect, not closure.

pslayne2233 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:13 PM

Taliniman,
I appreciate your candor and your insight.. Its often differcult to see what's really going on when your in the middle of it. Never been in love before and its a .. How much BS is it when she says she's leaving as fast as she can to FLA or Puerto Rico but re signs a lease and job contract for an additional year? ? Rite? She has a brother down in FLA and family in PR she couldve stayed with until she found a job down at either of those places.. She has played these kind of passive aggressive games too long. I appreciate your words of strength.

pslayne2233 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:15 PM

Sorry bout the misspelling Talaniman

liz28 · Jul 21, 2009, 02:15 PM

You want clsosure? Guess what? This is something that everyone don't get. What your friend remmended was totally bogus and you knew your ex wasn't going be up for that because she was unwilling to go to counseling to help save this relationship or change herself.

Your ex is just torturing you by saying she might take you back in 3 or 6 months or maybe a year. She knews you will be foolish enough to wait.

Her break-up wasn't sudden. If you were to go back to read the signs you would have knew. However, you were too used to her bs that it blinded you and robbed you of your common sense. You didn't always play by her rules and you disobeyed her--she didn't like this. She wanted you to be a good little boy by doing what she want when she wanted and was probably used to guys catering to her needs.

Right now your going through the 3 stages of grief--denial, bargining, and depression. You have two more left--acceptance, then letting go. On a side note, you seem to be attracted to professional nut jobs and this is something you need to change. Maybe counseling is order for you from someone you don't know.

pslayne2233 · Jul 21, 2009, 05:55 PM

Liz28 I appreciate your opinion and help but clearly there was no sign of her leaving or wanting to break up. She spent 4000 on a wedding dress which as we know is non refundable, function hall was paid for, etc.. We never had distance or any other behavior such as seeing each other less, making less time for each other, intimacy was still there. Implying that I'm foolish to wait for her is kind of abrasive, no? I asked on this site for help not to be vilified as a fool. Are you a licensed Psychiatrist? If your not, I'm not sure what makes you feel that "my friend" who is, is bogus.. I respect what you have to say but you are coming off as authoritive without knowing all the facts. No need to kick anyone when they are down, truth or not. Be well

Now what?

Add your answer here.