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Not sure of her intentions

Asked Aug 12, 2008, 12:09 PM — 24 Answers
Me and my ex have been apart for 3 months, we were together for 3 years. She walked away after several months of continuous pointless arguments. Me being unfaithful was the final nail in the coffin. During our time apart we've had minimal contact but thanks to the small town I live in a few days ago I found out that she had started fooling around with someone who I know of. This wasn't nice news to find out but after the initial shock I handled it well.

I guess she finds out that I have been told because when I woke up yesterday I have 10 missed calls from her and several answer phone messages in which she kept saying sorry.

She sounded very upset however I did not return her calls. Why did she feel the need to defend her and her actions to me?

I think I'm doing the right thing by sticking to no contact. I do want to be with her again more than anything but the thought of her being with someone else during this time apart really numbs my feelings for her in a way.

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24 Answers
lmangileri's Avatar
lmangileri Posts: 211, Reputation: 70
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#11

Aug 12, 2008, 01:06 PM
You cheated on her and you guys ended it. So what's the big deal with what she does with her life now?
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Spikeman's Avatar
Spikeman Posts: 36, Reputation: 20
Junior Member
  
#12

Aug 12, 2008, 01:09 PM
Either way just stick to NC and don't give her the time of day
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HeadsHigh's Avatar
HeadsHigh Posts: 75, Reputation: 45
Junior Member
  
#13

Aug 12, 2008, 01:11 PM
Quote:
I have a question though, you said you wanted to be with her, but when you found out that she was with someone else you said "i felt free"? Do you want to be with her or be free?
I felt free in a sense because since we're been apart I've had a really tough time with it all (deservedly so I know!) but knowing that she's moved on in that way sort of allows me to as well.
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n24dragon's Avatar
n24dragon Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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#14

Aug 12, 2008, 01:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeadsHigh
She said she wanted some time apart, I don't believe in that so we just ended it.
That's so true. I think "on a break" is a load of garbage, and just permission for you to use the other as a "back-up" plan. It's unfortunate you didn't have a clean break - where you both wanted to end it.

Being unfaithful is still a mystery to me, but I understand it is really different for men. Perhaps that's just an excuse because everyone can know and feel pain. In any case, dwelling on it really isn't dealing with it either.

I've been told things happen for a reason, and in the end things work out for the best. Good luck to both of you.
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HeadsHigh's Avatar
HeadsHigh Posts: 75, Reputation: 45
Junior Member
  
#15

Aug 12, 2008, 01:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmangileri
you cheated on her and you guys ended it. So what's the big deal with what she does with her life now?
She can do what she wants she's a grown woman
I only wanted insight with regards to why she needs to defend herself and her actions.
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Spikeman's Avatar
Spikeman Posts: 36, Reputation: 20
Junior Member
  
#16

Aug 12, 2008, 01:20 PM
There's a numerous reasons we could tell you why she needed to defend herself but in the end it doesn't matter why because she's no longer with you.
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HeadsHigh's Avatar
HeadsHigh Posts: 75, Reputation: 45
Junior Member
  
#17

Aug 12, 2008, 01:27 PM
Quote:
there's a numerous reasons we could tell you why she needed to defend herself but in the end it doesn't matter why because she's no longer with you.
You're completely right.
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HeadsHigh's Avatar
HeadsHigh Posts: 75, Reputation: 45
Junior Member
  
#18

Aug 12, 2008, 01:52 PM
Quote:
I've been told things happen for a reason, and in the end things work out for the best.
Deep down I want another chance with her. She's the girl I've had the strongest feelings for so far and I guess even though I get on with things fine and no contact is getting easier by the day my feelings won't fade. I guess I wanted to hear that she made contact because she still cares.. But I appreciate the honesty I've been given.
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Smoked's Avatar
Smoked Posts: 157, Reputation: 140
Junior Member
  
#19

Aug 12, 2008, 01:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeadsHigh
Deep down I want another chance with her. She's the girl I've had the strongest feelings for so far and I guess even though I get on with things fine and no contact is getting easier by the day my feelings won't fade. I guess I wanted to hear that she made contact because she still cares.. But I appreciate the honesty I've been given.
Look, you messed up but that doesn't mean she doesn't care. Here is what you need to do. You need to let her come to terms with the fact you cheated on her, and IF she wants to have any relationship with you beyond that. Give her time, her distance, and wait. If you truly want to be with her you will just leave it be until she decides your the one.

You actively pursue this issue with her and you will shoot yourself in the foot..just saying.
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HeadsHigh's Avatar
HeadsHigh Posts: 75, Reputation: 45
Junior Member
  
#20

Aug 12, 2008, 02:20 PM
Quote:
If you truly want to be with her you will just leave it be until she decides your the one.
Yes my intention isn't to get in contact and dwell on what has happened, nor is it to wait around for her. I guess ill just keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens.
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