Met a nice guy(this is a new one after the first one I met post my break-up 9 months back.Many of you were right about that one,I just wanst attracted to him and so it just fizzled off.So that chapter's closed).So,went out with this guy twice and had fun.Just chilled and spoke.He kept texting and calling while I decided to keep it very light(all my learning here has taught me to be very relaxed and cautious during the initial stages of the dating period,just get to know each other,have fun,check out compatibility etc etc).
So we spoke and interacted.And everytime we liked what we were finding out about each other.And wanted to know more.Two days back he called again and we were chatting when suddenly he had to go cos of another call from work.After that till today,I just received one text message.Just a casual hi.To which I didnt think of responding(I have started opearting on the 48 hr deadline action plan which means that if I feel something's just not right within 48 hrs of having a nice time with a guy,I will just pass him up and move on.No more spending time wondering why he didnt call/text,whats playing on his mind etc etc).
But then 3 hrs later when I felt "what the heck,its just a hi",I sent him back a text a while ago.
To which no answer till now.Should I stop dwelling on any possibility here?What if he tries to reach out again?
Whats with these short and sweet encounters that people have?I mean,I still dont get the logic behind sudden disappearances and withdrawals,without any reason,after a nice time together.Any ideas anybody?
I agree, the ball is in his court now...relax, wait to see what happens at this point. And if he does make contact again, see where that goes, 'listen' closely to what he is saying and/or how he is acting (watch his body language).
There are many possible reason's for this; he is scared, he is committed already, work, not really interested, bad timing for some reason, was just having fun but not something that he wants to pursue, etc.
Or....yes, there could be a good, logical reason Starry. As I said above, wait now for him to respond and evaluate that.
In either situation, always take it slow and play it close to the chest.
Lol, your already trying to figure out what everything means. Thats not relaxing, and going with the flow. Just me, I wouldn't even think about the why, and what ifs, I would be carrying on with my own routine, and having my own fun.
Keep telling yourself, there is no hurry, and get out of the text thing as trust me, it cause more problems than it solves. Use the phone why don'tcha, and get a lot more insights into someone you don't know.
If a guy is serious he will chase, and if he doesn't be he shy, or fickle, or even to busy, you know not to get carried away.
It seems most people are so worried about losing a connection to some one new, they skip all the ways of really getting to see what some one is really about, and reading the words and actions to see if they are matching.
Don't you think a simple "HI" text is a lazy way of starting a conversation, or reaching out?? I do.
Lol, your already trying to figure out what everything means. Thats not relaxing, and going with the flow. Just me, I wouldn't even think about the why, and what ifs, I would be carrying on with my own routine, and having my own fun.
Keep telling yourself, there is no hurry, and get out of the text thing as trust me, it cause more problems than it solves. Use the phone why don'tcha, and get a lot more insights into someone you don't know.
If a guy is serious he will chase, and if he doesn't be he shy, or fickle, or even to busy, you know not to get carried away.
It seems most people are so worried about losing a connection to some one new, they skip all the ways of really getting to see what some one is really about, and reading the words and actions to see if they are matching.
Don't you think a simple "HI" text is a lazy way of starting a conversation, or reaching out?? I do.
Tal,you and the rest are so right.I had started getting the usual panicky feeling of uncertainty,insecurity,the old doubts(why isnt he calling me,why just a short,curt hi,etc etc) but then I let some time pass.I cooled down,thought level-headedly that nothing for that matter,had actually gone that wrong.I mean the last we spoke was three days back and then this text.Nothing to get so hassled about honestly.There was nothing in his actions or words to show he had begun to withdraw.Even if he has,its not like I am having a relationship with him that we owe each other explanations as to why we werent available/couldnt call etc etc.
So,like Stringer says,I am just waiting to see what happens as I continue being involved with my own activities.If he wants to go out/call me,he knows what to do
Another lesson learnt during my tough times came in handy here : to force myself to calm down,not give in to insecurities and rash,impulsive behaviour and ruin my chances at something thats looking good(tchwood).The moment I felt panicky I came here and vented and then took myself away from it all to allow some time to lapse.Things automatically didnt look that bleak after that!I still had my friends and family,my own life to lead.
He wants me?Better come and get me before someone else finds me irresistible and carries me away,what say
Ok,so it was three days that I got to hear from him after my last casual "hi" text.Curiosity got the better of me and I buzzed him today but for some strange reason,my call could not go through.It was showing unreachable.So I texted him asking whether we could just have a small chat.To which he replies(an hour later) that he was sick,so if we could speak later.
I didnt know what to feel really and once again felt my rash,impulsive self taking over me.Sick?So sick he couldnt talk?What kind of sickness was that etc etc?Who was he kidding etc etc,you know the rest!But I calmed myself down and texted him,I was sorry to hear that he wasnt well and that we could talk when he felt better.
Now,the ball seriously feels like being in his court cos now I wont feel like contacting till he contacts me since I have told him we can talk when he's better.When's that, depends on him and will show me what I want to know--i.e whether he's really interested.
Ok,so it was three days that I got to hear from him after my last casual "hi" text.Curiosity got the better of me and I buzzed him today but for some strange reason,my call could not go through.It was showing unreachable.So I texted him asking whether we could just have a small chat.To which he replies(an hour later) that he was sick,so if we could speak later.
I didnt know what to feel really and once again felt my rash,impulsive self taking over me.Sick?So sick he couldnt talk?What kind of sickness was that etc etc?Who was he kidding etc etc,you know the rest!But I calmed myself down and texted him,I was sorry to hear that he wasnt well and that we could talk when he felt better.
Now,the ball seriously feels like being in his court cos now I wont feel like contacting till he contacts me since I have told him we can talk when he's better.When's that, depends on him and will show me what I want to know--i.e whether he's really interested.
Right?
Ok friends,heres an update I thought you might be interested in,in case you are reading my latest posts
So,after the last post,I was just going about my own life and all that when one day,he calls.And apologises for not calling,since he wasnt well.Ok,so I sympathise,ask him how he's doing and we start talking.So,it started that way and we have been talking/texting ever since.Not meeting a lot(since he's had to be on official trips ever since he's recovered)but theres a promise that we will once WE BOTH can make it.
Reason I wanted to share this with you is cos post my break-up,barring a few uninteresting episodes/dates with a few guys,I was looking for an opportunity to apply whatever relationship(and also life-changing)truths I had learnt WITH a guy I was really interested in,to see (a)whether I had really learnt my lessons and really had it in me to have a healthy,nurturing,mutually satisfying relationship WITH a GUY I AM ATTRACTED IN and (b)whether there was any truth in ideas I have been hearing/reading and preaching myself here,like in order to love someone I need to love myself,that a guy who likes me would like me just the way I am,that taking it slow really does pay,that in order to show I care,I dont need to go out of my way or lose my self respect and basically all the good things I had started believing blindly.I needed to know for sure that I was healed,inside out and that my unhealthy,insecure ideas about a relationship had changed too.
And by God's grace I now believe,more than ever,in all the lessons I have learnt,all the advice you have always given me and made me whole again.I cant thank all of you enough.
Its still very early to tell whats gonna happen with this guy later on.We have just started seeing each other.But thats another learning too,to not convince myself HE IS THE ONE and then run after him like crazy,trying to convince him the same tooBut for the time being,I am feeling positive,cared for,respected.I am also feeling good about the fact that he says he cant wait to talk to me and is waiting for the time when we will meet.Feels nice that a guy as attractive,sensitive and nice as he is, feels like he cant have enough of me.Touchwood for me,people
And to think that I am practically not doing anything but be wooed and courted by him.Just the way it should be.I dont text him/call him everyday.Very rarely,cos he's the one who keeps calling everyday.I never ask him what he's upto,what his plans are,why he didnt call when he said he would.I give him the idea I have a life of my own,am busy with work,friends and family,have fun and am fun to be with(all of which are not at all put on,but hard-earned lessons,as you all know).In fact,its surprising that every time he has to hang up before we finish our conversation,he apologises the next time and explains why he had to do that,WITHOUT MY ASKING!!
Unbelievable,isnt it,considering that here's this woman,who thought she had to change her whole life/herself,give,give,give and do all the work in a relationship in order to attract and keep a decent guy,here she is,not really caring whether a (more than)decent guy's calling her every day,whats on his mind,what he's upto and all that.She's not acting (or feeling)insecure,hyper,impulsive and ruining his interest in her.She's enjoying life and knows that she will still do that with or without him.
But yes,I do make it a point to show him I am interested in him,like talking to and meeting him,value our time together.Which he really likes!But theres also the idea that I am this attractive,confident woman who can put her foot down if she feels things arent going the way they should and there are other fish in the sea.For the first time in my life,maybe,I have learnt how to be and feel cool with attractive guys and have them chasing me instead
Enough said.Maybe all this feeling good-about-myself thing shouldnt be too hyped and I am superstitious about feeling too good too soon.But felt like sharing some good stuff with all of you since you have been with me through the bad!!
But I calmed myself down and texted him,I was sorry to hear that he wasnt well and that we could talk when he felt better.
Linear Mode
