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I've noticed that a lot of women seem to criticize the hell of out their partners. Why??? I know it's certainly fodder for SitComs, but in reality... why? I know "men don't listen" and other quasi truths like this exist, so this isn't any kind of attack. For the women who are guilty of this... why??? Examples: How your SO dresses, his hobbies, how he farts, brushes his teeth, how he deals with other people. Men don't seem to pick on this kind of stuff with women. Most of us guys just aren't that critical I guess. It's like it's "cool" to be irritated or something. Why henpeck???? I've tried to deal with it a number of ways from ignoring it, fighting back, making jokes etc. There is no solution. Obviously, this pertains to long term relationships as the first year is always free of this behavior.
One thing I will admit to as a woman that my long term BF sees often times as nagging is being too nurturing.
If he is sick ,I will make him take medicine and make him rest and he sees this as me treating him like a child or nagging.
I see it as being a nurturing caring partner.
Another thing is I pride myself on not being a nagger but I get accused of nagging when I send him to the store.
He never pays attention to what I tell him to get.So I tell him again and ask him to repeat it (he refuses a list)This is also considered nagging,according to him.
I think when women try to tell men how something should be done that they are perhaps new at(such as laundry or ironing or sewing),their egos get bruised and they see this as nagging.
Its all about perspective.To me,I am being helpful,to him I am treating him like a fool who doesn't know what he is doing.
i have to put my hand up here and say when i was married i had a p.h.d in 'i told you so!'
but then of course he was a twit.
we divorced.
fast forwards five years and new relationship.
i dont sweat the small stuff,granted we dont live together,i guess i mellowed with age,and hes as laid back as they come.
as for dealing with the problem,my mother has a great comeback to my father....'if you did it the first time i asked i would not have to tell you again!'
i have to put my hand up here and say when i was married i had a p.h.d in 'i told you so!'
but then of course he was a twit.
we divorced.
fast forwards five years and new relationship.
i dont sweat the small stuff,granted we dont live together,i guess i mellowed with age,and hes as laid back as they come.
as for dealing with the problem,my mother has a great comeback to my father....'if you did it the first time i asked i would not have to tell you again!'
works for her.
IF they did listen or take a list..there would be no reprimands and everything would be
Hi,
Sorry you are having this experience! I can see how this would cause you to get sour. Well, I'm a female and I would not treat my guy this way. I do have some relationships with male friends where we engage in "barbed banter" but it's all in good fun and doesn't go too far.
My guess is that you are a really nice guy and you are attracted to those feisty girls. There's nothing wrong with feisty but disrespect is not OK. Not all girls are like this. I would not treat my guy disrespectfully and I would not allow him to treat me that way either.
Really get to know a girl before getting involved. Listen to how they talk about others for clues. If you get involved and they start with the stupid remarks, tell them, "You know, I really like you but I don't like sarcastic remarks. I want us to have respect for each other."
You are just picking the wrong women. Do some soul searching and also examine why all these women feel that they can toss these hurtful things at you. What signals, body language or relationship behavior on your part makes them think they can get away with it? See what you can change...then you will attract different women. I hope this helped you a little.
Good luck!
I do think that there is a type of woman that is very critical and judgmental of men. But, I don't think it's 'normal' - whatever 'normal' is. It's actually a way of trying to control their partner.
You see women have got one thing that men want (I'm not going to be crude here), and some men aren't too discriminating who they get it from.
After the lust wears off, what some men find is that they're stuck with a princess, or a control freak or critic or something that they had no idea was there, because they weren't looking for the right things.
Summer has made some really good points - it's important to observe the women you lust after and make sure that their actions match their words. Observe how they treat and talk about other people, and if they have the capacity for self reflection.
No person is perfect but in an ideal world your flaws, personal quirks and issues shouldn't be held against you whether you're male or female!
I was married to a "henpecker" for 10 years. And guess what? I'm not married to her anymore. The divorce was her idea but she did me a huge favor by leaving, I'll tell you that. Why do you suppose she left? Because, in her own words, I "have nothing to do with her." And why do you suppose I had nothing to do with her? Yep, you've guessed it! Unfortunately the kids are the ones who are suffering now (which is why I never would've left her.) So I would agree and say, to all women everywhere, lighten up, as your nitpicking does more damage than you could imagine.
Thank you to everyone who responded. BTW, I don't chase mean girls. Only one has ever nitpicked me to death. I was just relaying my observations regarding a few of the relationships I have witnessed. From my point of view; the nagging seemed to be a mixed bag of "for my own good" and "because she's never satisfied with anything (including herself)". I know a lot of women are just perfectionists and I'm not too different, but I focus my efforts and energy on myself. I don't tell other people how to improve their life (unless asked).
To sunshine: The girl that henpecked me was (by all outward appearances) a darling to people. It took a long time for her "real" opinions of people (including me) to come to the surface. I don't just chase looks ladies. However, I'm speaking in generalities for this topic anyway.
I agree that a certain amount of "help" or "advice" from someone can bruise the ego. As a guy; you want to say "look, I've made it this long without you and I was able to reel you in, so I can't be all that helpless".
I'm still terribly stubborn and I tend to grind to a halt in rebellion if I feel manipulated, pressured or forced to do something. Which invites more "nagging". I know it's kind of immature of me. I was with some friends a while ago and we were talking about my future plans. A few of the girls said I just needed a good woman and all of my guy friends jumped in saying I didn't work that way. The girls told me every woman wants to change a man and if I resist too much, I'll always be alone. I guess their right.
Women don't think of it as "criticism". They think "making improvement" or being "helping/caring etc".
Why do men always see this kind of nagging as criticism? Don't you always know at the back of your mind that its for your own good?
Some women seem to latch on to "find and point out every little thing they think is wrong" behaviour...so much it becomes habit to them.
It has to do with free will. If you say it once, maybe even twice...its advice.....but when it becomes constant critisism....THEN its nagging.
THe same behaviour many times when done by a guy can be considered controlling behaviour. Its all about perspective...and introspect. How would YOU feel if you was on the reciving end of someone elses "advice" on "making improvement".
See, there is usually more than one perspective and its not always the correct one. And anything done to excess can be considered an irritant to someone else.
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