Yeah.. now this is slightly off the topic but what you said reminded me of it
There is a movie "keeping mum" in which a wife loses interest in his wife and the husband in her eyes is pretty boring... and the husband has a revalation towards the end...
I guess it won't help at all, but watch it anyway haha, I believe its based on a book, so if your more into reading all the more fun for you
Good luck Eihcim

I am not an expert but I have a little experience here. I have been married 3 years and together with my wife 5 years. We are both 30 years old. I am American and she is Danish. We got together in California 9-10-01. I was homeless at the time. Since then we have climbed literal mountains together. Pun intended and included. Seen 100's of waterfalls. Traveled 40 of the 50 states together. Been to Rome, Italy. We worked and lived closely together for years. From living with no money in a tent to now living in an apartment in Copenhagen, Denmark with a substantial account and studying in college. Never getting help. We traveled for years on the road having many adventures. We never had a great sexual attraction for each other. Part of it is a skin disorder she has that makes it difficult and painful to have. We have talked openly about it, but to no avail. Neither of us like the idea of separating. We also don't like the idea of going through life with no sexual fulfillment. But life together without sex is better than our lives apart.
Personally, our attraction has not been physical, but instead mental and emotional minus the sexual. Personally, we believe these things outlast the sexual drive when it comes to being together for the long haul.
The point in this is
1. everyone's situation is unique.
2. People have to define their relationships and what is important to them for themselves.(everyone is unique)
3. If you don't have attraction for the other now then it probably won't be there later. Is that something you and your partner can live with and truly accept. IF NOT-THEN END IT NOW! It won't get easier to end later. If you are going to go through the rest of your life feeling like your missing out than it won't work. Things will only get more complicating.

I am sure many people will not agree with me on this one, but SEX is NOT necessary for a relationship. Think of the people with physical dispositions that make sex impossible. Are they doomed to solitude for life?

This is why I personally think it is best to meet that someone once. Be with that someone spiritually, physically, mentally as a whole if you know your going to marry that one. What am I saying it is too late for you, but that is why one man, and one women together are best. No previous experience, no expectations from other partners. You grow together. What would the world be like if people continued to be virgins until they are committed to spending their life together. Maybe off topic, do not really care. I agree, with tal your expectations are way too high.

Joe

Like a lot of others said. The sexual part of the relationship should develop over time. I do believe it is better to grow with each other, learn about each other, become each others best friends first and work towards other things after.

Joe

Ok The way I see it was you weren't attracted to here in the beginning if you were it wouldn't have taken you 6 months to hook up. I think that you are ready to slow down in your life and are using her as the breaks and means to do so. She prevents you from your old ways and you like that side of her you like the person you have become. The problem is that when you are physically attracted to someone and are in love with someone you are truly happy. If you question your relationship now in the future you might have more questions and that's not good. As my grandmother would say for advice follow your gut.

In case anyone noticed the original poster has not been back, and I hope the comments are directed at him, and not the seconnd poster with the same problem, Eihcim

I am the original author of this thread, and sorry folks I don't know why I never came back, but here I am now.

Thank you all for your input and suggestions.

Sadly, my situation has not changed much. In fact my attraction has diminished even more, and it certainly upsets me. I will be seeing a psychologist I once saw in the past about t soon. Maybe he can help shed some light and get me on the right path to figure things out.

To answer s_cianci's question about how sex opportunities are "thrown in my face", simply put random(and not so random) women will occasionally proposition me.. If I go to a bar or whatever with some friends it is often sure to happen, but I've had women at benign places ask me out and even ask me to take them home there on the spot. In some instances I have explored these opportunities only to resist in the end for the purpose to see if it would get me aroused, and is usually does. I guess I was hoping it wouldn't so I would conclusively realize my problem was not my girlfriend..

Anyway, nothing has really changed except 5 months have passed, but I have hopes that my upcoming meeting with the therapist will help.

Hey. You sound like your describing me lol... well the old me. I was with this guy for almost 4 yrs and he really didn't get me off until towards the end and even then it was when we would use a vibe. Well to make a long story short.. our sex life in reality was boring. We eventually broke up.. I have my first night stand. That turned out to be what you described a booty call with no restrictions.. but see the diff btwn him and my ex is this guy made me feel sexy. Not just w words but by the way he looked at me touched me talked to me and etc. that alone but a fire cracker in my lol he made me feel sexy so I wanted to be sexy for him.. this made the sex outstanding. I mean the storys that I describe are straight out porno maybe better. Lol I could give you some ideas but not on here. To make a long story short is that's all it took for me to break into my freaky self. A little motivation. An eye openeer. Most girls don't feel sexy during sex or fourplay. Make her feel sexy do something different spice things up.. if you guys have a great relationship that's hard to come by but if your both open and willing you can expand and excite your sex life

? The "blue pills" actually lower blood pressure!

First off, one question was very good - were you sexually attracted to her when you met her? Was she sexually attracted to you as well. Relationships are one of the most difficult things in life for some people to commit to. When thoughts of marriage are laid out on the table, several different questions must be asked and you must answer them honestly. If you forsee yourself cheating in the future - there is NO WAY whatsoever that you should marry this woman, no matter how your feelings are when you are with her. It is not fair to her that you know you will eventually cheat on her and totally destroy one of the most precious things between a couple and commit adultry. You will destroy her life. Her life was fine before she met you, although I do not know the whole story, why ruin it down the road if you marry her? Have you had a discussion with her about what each of you like sexually? Some people are more aggressive than others, but if it is not working, do not go any further. If she does not feel comfortable doing things, find something that she is comfortable with and go with it. She also should consider compromising and trying one thing that you enjoy. You have to compromise and communicate in a relationship, it can't be all about you. She has feelings, needs, and wants from you too. Maybe there is something there that she does not like that holds her back that you may not know about. Put yourself in her shoes, work out the problem that way. You should not talk about past relationships and what you have done with other women - that is disrespectful and makes a female feel like dirt. It does not matter if each of your families like either of you - that is not the problem you are facing. Do not let anyone persuade you into the relationship. Only the two of you should be communicating, compromising, and finding a way to over come this situation if you actually love her enough to do so.
Think about what you are doing to her by leading her on believing that she has found the man of her dreams - when she has actually found a man that is thinking on cheating on her before you're even married!
The compromise, communication will take time, she will need to feel comfortable with herself doing things. BUT... even though she does not have the experience, that does not matter one bit. She will do what she wants and not react by "feeling pressured" into doing something you have talked about. Maybe, if you have told her different things about your past, she has lost all confidence in herself because of what you have said about doing with others.
I can not and am not saying these things because you have actually done them, it is only hypathetical and grasping at straws here.
Just do not drag her along, think of her feelings - please.

Hi,

I understand your situation. In my opinion, sex is a very important element in a relationship, even though people like to believe that it's not always about sex. But the truth of the matter is that sex help keep a relationship going besides love and having the same interest.

My advice to you is, if you enter into a marriage with your partner and are already aware prior to being marriage that you have little sexual attraction towards her. I suggest you take some time off from the relationship to rediscover yourself and find out what it is in a relationship that will help keep you going. If sex is very important to you in keeping you going in a relationship, then you should go and explore that and see if you meet someone that can keep your interest and someone you can fall in love with at the same time.

If you get married and don't take time away from the relationship, you'll end up regretting it later when you've already committed yourself to someone completely. Plus, think of your future children and how you wouldn't want to end up hurting them over something you were fully aware of prior to your marriage. It would hurt much more to end up divorcing someone over sex than it is to end a relationship over sex.

I hope this helps you.

Wrong girl for you.

And clearly wrong guy for her.

yesnojoe, did the therapy help? Are you still with your girl?

Communication is the key. Have you ever told her about this before? What are your efforts in resolving this issue? Did you involve her in resolving this problem? I guess it's unfair if you just resolve it by yourself. If you have a problem with your partner in sex, you have to involve her in resolving it. If it doesn't work, you can seek professional help. Maybe something is wrong with you also, not just with her. Again, COMMUNICATION is the key. Please work on it seriously. You have to tell her straight what you wanted, your fantasies and I'm sure she'll let go all of her inhibitions. You haven't seen her wild side yet. Don't make her feel conscious and don't stop her from trying. Maybe your reactions make her stop and that inhibits her wild side to be seen solely by you. She's sweet, yeah but I'm pretty sure that she has a slutty side.