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I recently have been speaking to quite a few friends of mine. They all seem to have the same problem. If they are dating or married every relationship seems to always be drawn to they just are not content. Either he is doing something wrong or she is not saying what he wants to hear. I am at a loss of words with my friends.
I also should mention I have been married twice , both of which failed. I have has quite of few relationships raging from 6 months to 2 years. All of which never developed into anything substantial.
Here is my question , Does love really exist or is it an illusion? It seems to me all relationships , marriages etc.. end up to be someone walks away unhappy or maybe both of the two individuals are not happy even if they stay to together.
So really why bother, the end result is always the same.....
I think some people believe "love" should come easy - or it's either there or not.
Well, that isn't true. I think an attraction is either there or not. Love is HARD work. It is something that needs constant attention and nurturing. Some people just aren't up for the challenge. If it gets to rough - they walk. With the mentality that if it's this much work - it must be wrong.
Not all relationships are meant to last - but the best ones are the ones that are work!
My recent ex of 2 months ago, told me that he is probably not going to get into another relationship it is too much work. So what does that mean? Was I just not worthy of someone working hard to allow our relationship to work?
Just because the other person is not mature enough or whatever - to get involved in a serious relationship - has nothing to do with your worthyness.
Because it is such work - you have to be emotionally ready and he sounds like he still wants to play the field.
Again - that has nothing to do with you.
Well to start with I am a firm believer on working on relationships...so will try to mould my answer in that direction......for me quitting too fast is not answer...because..quitting anything has become so easy these days that it is a difficult habit to stop. With the technology and speed of today, we have learned to want everything now if not sooner. If we don't get what we want immediately, we give up and move onto something else. Taking the time and effort to deal with any little obstacle in our way is viewed as a waste. We even avoid potentially difficult things when we anticipate that we won't get what we want right away.
Relationships can't be easy all the time. They are designed to put us in a safe arena where we can grow as human beings. This can be an uncomfortable, time-consuming process. Part of the design is conflict, which blocks us from getting what we want right away and takes time and effort to resolve. Too many people walk away when the going gets tough. There is nothing to be learned in doing that though.
The best starting point is to communicate about what matter to you in a relationship, your expectations...and PLEASE set no unrealistic expectations of human behaviour. We are all born with some faults...and when we realize NO ONE IS PERFECT,it becomes easier to stay footed. And, it is often the little, seemingly insignificant things that have wrecked the most havoc on our relationship.
There can be no greater accomplishment or reward than turning an uncomfortable, mediocre relationship into a satisfying, flourishing one. Actually, the opportunity will keep coming back until you get it right,...don't give up...if it's end of the day here..it's morning in Australia....
I have been married 3 times and divorced twice. Inbetween two of the marriages, I had a 1 and a half long relationship with the father of my child. So, I have had 4 serious relationships, which 3 ended tragically!
Husband #1......Great guy when we was dating, we married, he developed a meth habit?!
Boyfriend #1.....Had a house, truck, good job and refused to marry after I got pregnant, so I left to give him some time?!@ WHY DO MEN NEED TIME WHEN YOUR PREGNANT? it is not like we can say.....HOLD ON...I NEED TIME?! Sorry, just had to vent. He loss everything trying to win me back after he ran around town screwing everything with legs!
Husband #2.....He had good job, was very loving and kind, but I soon learned that he was that way with every woman! CHEATER!!
Husband #3.....My current husband, 5yrs. He had good job, house, smart, and dependable. We married 11 months after we met, he wanted to marry that soon, not me. I feel he truly loves me and I truly love him. Shortly after our 3 yr anniversary, he confessed to a 18 month affair with a former employee. I was devestated!! I made him move out. We both worked hard to repair our marriage and it worked. Yes, there are still a few bumps in the road, but it isn't suppose to be perfect. Nothing is!!
Love is what you make of it. You can't force someone to love you and noone can force you to love them. Love isn't perfect!! It is tough!! Even in the bad times I believed in love. I found love with my husband and it isn't perfect, neither is he or me! But one person you must always love is.........Yourself!! That must be a #1 love! Next to God, of course.
i will admit it is work. i have a good 9 year relationship and 7+ year marriage.
there are ups and downs.
just like being single isnt a ball o' fun every moment, being married isnt endless bliss.
i get grumpy, sad, depressed, etc. guess what? i got that way when i was alone too. i dont blame the marriage for most of my mental noise.
marriage has its own unique strains. and it has its own specials highs.
so... i think sadness is a human condition... irrelevent to whether you are in a relationship or not. you have up times and down times. its easy to blame another for your failings... and sometimes its right to blame another when they wrong you.
but i dont think all relationships are doomed. i do think it can take a lifelong committment of being a good steward to yourself and your spouse or sig other.
and we get too distracted too easily. if we just got out of our own way most of the time, and took care of ourselves properly and our loved ones properly we would be happier.
so, again, i say its a human condition we bring into relationships, not a condition that manifests itself because of a relationship.
Love is there, and what it is, is staying when you are mad, staying when it all goes wrong, Love it shutting up when you want to yell at the other person.
If you don't have some large disagreements, if the other person does not hurt you some time, you are not in a real relationship.
Alot of people confuse love with being infatuated. love is the fruit of compromise hard work and friendship. Love does exist but the hollywood versions of it are a bit deluded and make us expect those things.
If you truly love someone, truly TRULY love them, then you will be willing to compromise and overlook their faults. People these days livein a fantasy world where they expect marriage to be the happily ever after in the book of their lives. Thats where they are in for a shock. Two people, no matter who they are, are going to disagree on things. lovers will have to learn to agree to disagree and compromise when it is neccesary.
Show me a solid relationship, and I'll show you two people who accept each others faults, and work hard to learn to communicate, and work together to solve their problems, and build a life they are both comfortable with. Its a lifelong process that never ends. After 33 years walking out at the first sign of trouble, is not an option. And its not as easy as we make it look either. We both are still working at it.
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