No Contact Who'd of thought

AustProd6 · #1 Nov 21, 2007, 03:39 AM

WOW, I must say my intentions for no contact were selfish to get ex back but 4 1/2 monhs down the track at it certainly has changed my life. Here is a brief run down.

Last 18 Years: Left me 13 times (Borderline Personality Disorder) with our 3 daughters always a midnight flite.
July 17: Again left me while I was 200kms away at a 2 day Meeting. Gutted House left me with bugger all.AM DEVASTATED EVEN SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. HEAVILY DEPRESSED. Now I need to be strong and pick myself up financially and emotionally as I have done in the past. SHE (EX) goes into hiding without letting me know here kids are.

July 21: sent her an email outlining that that was it. No more. Time to get busy living. SHe "gives me permission to speak to girls on Middle Daughters Mobile only. Girls are controlled and monitored when talking to them.

August 1: Change address, Mobile Phone, Home Phone, Email Address. Basically went off the face of the earth. Only Middle Daughter has new Mobile number.
August 3: Ex in car accident as passenger, in hospital for week. Fairly serious. Absolutely nothing from me. NC means NC.

From that point, many texts, and contact from Daughters to new mobile. Many exts from her trying to reach out. NOTHING FROM ME

September 21st: Meet younger (35) beautiful lady with 2 fanttastic kids 14/16 who really like me. She likes me and as much as we don't want to rush into anything things move fast.

NOW
Have spoken to ex twice when she has tricked me to think it was the girls calling. I was polite, friendly but quick and to the point about things. Refused any niceties like reduction of Child Support etc.

I am falling deeply in love with new lady who absolutely thinks I am the catch of the century. She has awoken the romantic in me and brings out the best of me. Her kids have
really taken to me. Think I am great because I treat their mother "right". Financially head above water, moved into a really nice 3 bedroom unit and decorated it to feel like a home I could bring anyone home to. (No TV on a Milk Crate LOL stuff).
I HAVE BROKEN FREE OF A CONTROLLING PERSON.

I feel fantastically happy, Financially free, Mentally stable, Happy at Work, Wanted, needed, loved, Stress Free. I have regained my life and happiness.

NO CONTACT: DO IT. You may start out trying to get your ex back, but man do you really stumble accross true happiness.
What I thought was happiness was actually co dependancy and a controlling relationship.
She may have dumped me but it helped me find mental freedom.
You feel depressed, hurt and rejected now. But let me say NO CONTACT does help YOU. It gave the choice of being happy or accepting her reach outs. I chose happiness.
DOWNSIDE
I don't have my girls anymore in my life.

mafiaangel180 · Nov 21, 2007, 03:56 AM

That is awesome for you....but do try to connect with your daughters. They probably don't like their crazy mom neither.

ordinaryguy · Nov 21, 2007, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AustProd6

DOWNSIDE
I don't have my girls anymore in my life.

If you love them, don't let it be this way for long. They need to know that you are willing to endure a little unhappiness if that's what it takes to stay in touch. If you can't agree with your ex about reasonable visitation rights, take her to court. It's not just your rights at stake here, it's theirs as well.

AustProd6 · Nov 21, 2007, 05:01 AM

EVERY time I speak with my girls I always tell them I love them.

Who knows what the Ex has told them to justify her actions.

With this now being the 14th time it has happened, the unfortunate thing is I have conditioned myself to live life with out them.
They are her pawn. She treats them like a commodity that she has "Power" over.
Deny her power and you deny her control.

mafiaangel180 · Nov 21, 2007, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AustProd6

EVERY time I speak with my girls I always tell them I love them.

Who knows what the Ex has told them to justify her actions.

With this now being the 14th time it has happened, the unfortunate thing is I have conditioned myself to live life with out them.
They are her pawn. She treats them like a commodity that she has "Power" over.
Deny her power and you deny her control.

I don't know what the laws are like there. But I know that where I come from, bad mouthing the other parent is illegal and she can get in loads of trouble! Don't think of them as pawn, they are innocent in all this mess, and that should be more of a reason to get them.

kuulski · Nov 21, 2007, 08:13 AM

I am sure you have persued all the options you have as far as the custody situation. Its very hard to deal with that type of situation this is why I have my daughter with me. Nice to hear you NC has worked soo well for you glad to hear! I have been NC with my ex 3 months now and I am really getting into the things I have focused on to forget her. Happy Holidays Every1!

AustProd6 · Nov 21, 2007, 11:57 AM

Guys in Australia. My girls are 13, 15,16. They are old enough to have a good idea what is going on. No laws here for bad mouthing. I have since found out she wa bad mouthing me to the girls when we were together but never to me.
In Aust. the girls have a right to stay if they want however her controlling ways would have made it differcult for them. They will come to me when they are older when they too have had enough.
Custody. Why put the girls through that. It would only hinder my recovery and F with there heads.
GF's kids have replaced my own children's effection and relationship.

s_cianci · Nov 21, 2007, 03:37 PM

Perfect testimonial. Now, as the others have said, time to work on your daughters. They have rights and so do you.



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