Can someone give me some advice. My fiancee and I have lived together/been together for almost two years. Things were going great. We got in a fight the other night. He wants to seperate all the food like roommates do, doesn't want to go out with me, says he is bored with me, needs space. He said he has a lot on his mind. I told him I want us to work out. Does he want us to work out? He said a lot of things have to change for us to stay together, but he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know what I should do. All I can do is cry. I can't eat, sleep, etc. I don't want us to break up and feel like we are meant to be together. He doesn't want me to sleep seperate and still wants to have sex with me. That is all he wants from me lately though. He refuses to touch food/drinks he thinks are mine. He refuses to talk to me. I feel like we are meant to be together. Breaking up would be wrong.
I won't email you, but I will tell you straight up that you need to regain your power and your presence as a person. You let him have sex with you but yet he can't communicate with you on why the relationship is boring? That isn't how the world works.
I tell you what...close your legs to him until he can learn to be a big boy and talk things out. If he can't handle that, then you have your answer. Either way, have some respect for yourself and handle this like adults. Yes, breaking up sucks, but it ain't worth putting yourself through hell, nor ruining your self image, just for him.
Stop having sex with him is goal number one. Don't give a bad dog a treat! He needs to know that if he can't talk this out like an adult, then you are gone. First things first, how old are you two? Immaturity is rampant in this post. Get your dignity back!
You need to have a sit down with him. If he can't sit down and talk about these things, then get out of the house and give him what he asked for. You can't just ask for space from you girlfriend but then still expect to get sex. I wish it was that easy, but it isn't. Give him space and let him get his act together. Meanwhile, go out, get a good meal and have some fun. If this is the first major fight you two have had then it is a HUGE indication of how both of you handle adversity, and it doesn't look good right now.
Please don't put your email public for security issues. We will help you in this thread.
First off, you have to STOP HAVING SEX with him (had to spread rep KC). You guys are becoming friends with benefits. If you guys have problems, then you should sort it out before any intimicy. If time is what he needs, then give it to him. Give him the space that he wants, which means no more physical stuff.
I know you want a quick fix, but relationships take hard work. He will talk when he's ready. If you keep giving him pressure, it will just push him away more.
Eventually, you will have the chance to confront each other and figure out where to go. Just be patient.
Maybe I should give you all the whole story. I think that might help too. So here goes. We got in a fight b/c the other night we went to a movie and I didn't know I was supposed to meet there. I thought he would pick me up after he got off work, as our apartment is on the way. He didn't call me or anything and I finally decided he must have gone without me and went to the theatre. I bought my ticket and when I got in the theatre I asked him if he had gotten popcorn and soda. Later I asked him why he hadn't let me know which theatre and to meet him there. We were meeting friends and when they asked why I wasn't with him, he just figured oh well, either she'll figure it out or sit at home alone. This sounded rather cruel to me. Then he went into how I was immature for calling him so many times before the movie, b/c we can't talk on our cell phones in the car and I was just hoping to time it right and catch him when he wasn't driving. He then proceeded to tell me that he is sick of me expecting him to pay for my food/entertainment all the time. I don't expect that, but I haven't turned him down when he has offered. He also said he doesn't want to eat any of the food in the house that is "mine." Later when I talked to him he said I don't make him happy anymore because he is bored with me. I asked him if that was just b/c he needed to go out with friends and what not more b/c all he does is come home from work and hang out with me until he goes to bed. He said he doesn't know. I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes, but when I asked him do you still want to be with me, he again said I don't know. He said he had a lot of things on his mind. So I asked him if he wanted more space, and he said probably. I told him I would give him that. When he came home from work that night, we talked about random stuff, like what to name the new pets, etc. We had sex and went to bed. We had sex when we got up in the morning too. I asked him if he was gonna stay with me and he said yes. I asked him if he really meant it about not wanting to hang out with me anymore, and he said no. Then, that night, I asked if he would like me to sleep on the couch or still sleep in bed with him and he said he didn't know and didn't care what I chose. So I slept in bed with him. We had sex again. I feel like it is not just the sex he is after but the emotional release and connection. He seems very confused and doesn't know what he wants. So I'll give him his space, but I don't know how much to give. Tonight I'm going to stay at home. Saturday morning we have his daughter, so we'll pick her up and have lunch together, with me paying for mine of course. Then I'm going to leave and go stay with a friend for the rest of the weekend and help her family with their yard sale. Then I'll be back home Sunday night. What is really confusing to me is when I asked him if he wanted us to work out he said a lot of things need to change for us to stay together. When I asked him what those things were, he said he doesn't want to talk about it. I asked if it was anything I needed to change and he said no, so I let it go. Am I handling this situation right? Is there something better I should do?
If anything, we might be even harsher. He doesn't take you seriously. How does he just leave you hanging at the movies like that. Even if you call him while he's in the car, he can call you as soon as he parks the car.
He's just hanging on to you because he's too scared to break up with you.
Stop having sex with him until he figures things out. This really sounds like friends with benefits to me.
Furthermore, you sound very needy yourself. You also need time away from him to figure out if you can actually have a serious relationship with him. Furthermore, the fact that he already has a daughter complicates things even more. He's got so much baggage.
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