NC is a big topic on this board, and the main question is usually will it bring my ex back? The answer to that is Don't do it to bring your ex back. Do it because it helps your healing process. Sometimes a by product of NC is sparking curiosity in the other person. The take away is do it for yourself.

I was dumped after 2 years because she didn;t think it was going to work out. I never initiated contacted, that meant no text, no emails, no phone calls. No Contact what so ever. It's hard to do because you think there's hope and you can talk your way back into it. If you are able to talk your way through it, ask yourself if that's what you want. You convinced that person to come back, that person didn't come back on their own.

She initiated contact, text, ims. I ignored them. This lead to occassional phone calls after 2 months. I did not answer. Again, its hard to do, and it will get you thinking and hoping what it might turn into. I felt bad and wanted to set things straight. I picked up and talked. That led to meeting, and she found that she missed me and wanted to work things out. We are now together and things are good and not so good in a way. Its good because she made the decision to come back and its what she wants. The bad, is the questions and doubts of what happpened during that time. It's something that I still work on. Its getting better. This might not be an issue for others, but it may come up. Also, coming from the dumpee side, you do have a memory that this person hurt you enormously. Question is: YOu can forgive, but can you forget?

NC did help, because she was curious in how I was doing, it allowed reality to set in for her. She wanted me out of her life, she got it. If you still make contact, you're not giving what they asked for and you become a nag. They will see if its really what they want. Others will also say that it hurts some of their ego, that you are just fine with out them. Again, don't do NC to play mind games. I didn't do it for that reason. I really needed it to move on, and for me to heal. Initiating contact would only hold me back.

NC helped, sharing my situation on this board helped, talking to friends helped. Knowing that I was not alone, and that horrible feeling was felt by others, and these same people healed and moved on. We are going to get hurt, not just once, but many times. Feelings never stick around forever. Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's alot of great and helpful people on here.

susangpyp

GREAT POST!!! Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. NC is the way to go for YOU.

friend4u178

Great post needofhelp.

susangpyp

Friend4u178: is that an original quote? "there's only 1 thing more painful...."

It's a great quote

friend4u178

Hi Susan
It's something I heard years ago , can't remember exactly where , so unfortunately I can't claim it as my own. But yeah I think it's an awesome quote.

susangpyp

Thanks for answering! I looked it up and it's Archibald MacLeish an American poet and critic. I looked it up on Thinkexist.com

It's a GREAT quote. Thanks for replying!

friend4u178

Thanks for looking that up , I will add it to my signature , I think he deserves the accolade :-)

talaniman

What are you waiting for, the feelings to go away. Why waste time my friend, there is a big world out there to explore.

talaniman

You are correct, but if your willing to work together, to solve your problems to the benefit of both of you, you have a chance.

Jason8676

Hey!
Great post! I've recently gone NC with my ex. She has tormented me with sporadic text messages. When I saw that red LED blinking on my phone, I got hopeful, maybe thinking that she wants to give things another try. If you'll read my previous posts, I talked about how the relationship died when she abruptly stopped calling and seeing me on a regular basis. I put my guard up, suspecting another man in the picture, so I went cold on her as well. After a brief resurgence between Christmas and Thanksgiving, it looked as though things were on the up and up but she was still behaving detached and erratic-exuding guilt that she could not express verbally. I went NC again, and three weeks after Christmas, here's a text message from her. The long and short of it is, I responded to one of her texts around Valentine's Day, when she asked me if I was getting her anything. I responded bluntly, "You're seeing somebody else. Why should I?" A week later she responds, I could tell that she was upset that I knew, because she named off two people from her workplace who are known blabbermouths and that she doesn't like very much. Point is, I'll never go to where she works, even if by some fluke Bermuda freezes over. I just knew that she was seeing somebody else because the writing was on the wall. Anyways, I did not respond, but the message made me sick to my stomach. I totally switched off my cell phone and vowed not to reactivate it until March 5-two weeks. That way, I can get into NC with a vengeance and hopefully start healing, without glancing at my phone every 5 minutes with the hope that she wants to come back. If she comes back, fine. If not, who needs her. In two weeks I'll be in better shape because I can focus on me instead of getting her text messages and having my emotions racked again. Jason

needofhelp

I had class with her, so we did have face to face contact. Sometimes we would talk, small talk to keep things 'pleasant'. Other than that, I just did it.

It was hard to have lost her, but for my own self respect, I did not contact her. Why should I go begging to talk or hear from her?