NC Rules and FAQ's

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 08:02 AM

No Contact Rules

Below are lists of things that need to be established before starting your epic journey

- Delete their phone number from your phone, no excuses!
- Delete their e-mail address and make sure to file their e-mail address under “Spam”
- Remove them from your friends list on any type of social networking site.
- It is NOT okay to continue a friendship with their relatives, this will delay your recovery
- You have your friends, they have theirs. Keep it this way to avoid the he said/she said

Now for the rules (more to be added)

1. No contact means NO CONTACT, don’t call write, email, text or message them
a. It’s a hard thing to do, it’s an emotional detox and takes a lot of work

2. If you have a mutual friend, tell them to keep your two lives separate
a. This will be hard; you have to tell your mutual friend to keep stuff about them away from you. It will either fill you with hope or crush you; either way it destroys any type of progress you have made.

3. Do not pick up their calls!
a. They will, I repeat THEY WILL try to contact you eventually. Avoid this call, it is a guilt call. Many of whom who break up with the other experience guilt for hurting you. This call is an attempt to rectify this guilt, avoid!

4. Friendships just won’t work
a. Don’t fall for the “let’s be friends” line, it won’t work. You are too emotionally involved to have a functioning friendship with them. When hearing about them with another person doesn’t sting, then maybe a conversation is possible, but that’s a long road ahead.

F.A.Q ( Work in progress)

Q: I know their number by heart what do I do?
A: Don’t answer it when they call; put the number under another name; KC suggested “Rosie O’ Donnell” great idea!

Q: I’m so close with their family, how can I cut ties with them?
A: They are closer with their son or daughter. They will understand that a break up is hard and if need be, explain that speaking with them will only delay your recovery process but thank them for their support. Just because it’s over doesn’t mean we have to be rude to the family.

Q: We live near each other or go to school together; we are going to run into each other. What do I do then?
A: Be short and polite. Tell them “hi” and that you are running late. Take care. Very simple and doesn’t lead to a epic conversation about your relationship.

Q: I always think about them, how can I stop this?
A: There is no magic pill, we wish there was but there isn’t. Get a new hobby, something that you’ve been wanting to do for awhile but hadn’t had the time. I joined a gym and took up writing to fill my time, it worked wonders.

Q: I have no friends, what can I do?
A: Make it a goal to talk to at least two people a week, broaden your social network. With Myspace and Facebook it seems people have lost the old art of actual talking in person to new people. If they are at school with you, ask them what they think of the class and what was their toughest assignment. People are just as shy as you are when it comes to a new school or surrounding. Take the initiative and start the conversation, you’ll feel better and more confident in no time.

Q: My friends said “they best way to get over someone, is to get under someone new.” Is this true?
A: NO! This is not a desirable trait to the opposite sex, nor does it make you feel better about yourself. Self respect is one thing that only you can take away from yourself. This won’t solve your problems, neither will a rebound relationship.

Q: OMG! They called me late at night and I didn’t recognize the number! What do I do?
A: Congratulations on not remembering the number. Be polite, short and cordial. A simple, hello, how are you? Then say you have something to do in the morning and that you must go. Goodnight and hang up. Crisis adverted.

Q: What do I do with my ex's things?
A: Pack them all away, the stuff you can return do so. Pictures on the computer, put them on a jump drive. They are what a photo album used to be, after you put them on the jump drive toss it in the box with their stuff. Then, remember to delete them from your computer/phone.

Q: How long should NC last?
A: As long as it takes until you can stop looking into everything they say for a sign. Also, when you can hear them talk about someone else without it stinging, you may be able to have a conversation but don't jump into a friendship yet.

Q: They started dating someone who looks exactly like me! What does this mean?
A: Nothing, it means they have a certain type of look, but personality could be different. Don't go over analyzing anything!

This is a work in process but most of the questions are the same just different reasons why they can't follow them.

Feel free to message me or post about what I should add or take out.

Proof of No Contacting working?

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...er-161688.html ISneezefunny's story

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...nc-280107.html KCTiger's story

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...pe-169854.html Romefalls19's story(the beginning) Such a sissy

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...er-188046.html Rome again, showing why you don't keep in touch with mutual friends

kctiger · Mar 24, 2009, 06:03 AM

I changed my phone number. I think it depends on the determination of some people to just be done with this. After countless times of causing myself more and more pain, I finally just changed everything to where whe COULD NOT contact me.

You can literally erase someone from your life if you are determined to do so. You can also block numbers from your cell phone, it is VERY easy. All you do is contact your cell phone provider (of course, that doesn't stop them from contacting you on an unknown number).

Romefalls19 · Mar 24, 2009, 08:02 AM

Exactly, but my point was, most will try to contact you eventually which seems pretty well stated by the amount of posters "she called me, what does it mean" questions.

kctiger · Mar 24, 2009, 08:21 AM

A matter of odds...the odds are HIGH, very HIGH that your ex will contact you, especially if you dated for longer than a year or so..

My ex called or emailed me a couple times. The first couple of times, I had that confused, "Oh, maybe she wants me back" syndrom going...she most recently sent me a text three weeks ago, and no confusion or false hope jumped in my head...this is kind of where you truly realize you are doing good, and you are moving forward!!

Hathor · Mar 24, 2009, 10:04 AM

Umm, I didn't know 95% of ppl here got contacts from their ex's, but maybe the rate here is high cos this is a Q&A forum and most ppl asking questions here face complications in their relationships, don't you think so?

In my case, ONLY ONE ex contacted me, 4 months after the break, because one of his longterm ex died in a car crash and he felt like he didn't have anyone else to talk to but me. I didn't pick up the call or call back tho (sadly I remember his number by heart even till now). But I did call him 4 months after that call (8 months after the break) to tell him I was moving to Europe, that was when he told me about his previous call. He wished me luck and bon voyage. A year later I called him (from Europe) crying my heart out that my new guy dumped me. I think we're one of the few who can stay friends.

Yeah, I agree that the longterm ones can't be cut so easily. Maybe the fact that other ex's never contacted me was because it was always short term (less than a year) and also due to the fact that I move around for my job so a longterm one is hard to keep.

Or maybe because I often came across as harsh and mean. One ex screwed up for being blindly jealous. I told him he's stupid and immature and dumped him. He never contacted me again. Another ex dumped me cos he was afraid of going the next level, I threw stuff at him and kept ing whenever I saw him (we shared the same dorm). When I moved out, we never kept contact again until a year later. He later admitted that he was scared of me.

Romefalls19 · Mar 24, 2009, 10:11 AM

Hathor to be honest, you come off as having a temper problem. Calling a guy you date names and then another throwing stuff at him? But that's neither here nor there, maybe if I get enough people saying I need to change it I will, but for now I'm going with the majority.

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 24, 2009, 10:15 AM

I think it depends on the person, if they decide that they want to be friends or not. Personally i think if the ex's feel that the friendship was good then there is a possibility that they will get back in contact.

I dont have much experience with Ex's! but i agree with Hathor, its more likely because its a Q&A Forum that the rate is so high.

Romefalls19 · Mar 24, 2009, 10:17 AM

Every girl I have dated has tried to contact me in some way or another after we broke up. For some it took months, others a couple weeks but still tried apologizing to me for how it all happened and wanted to be friends.

kctiger · Mar 24, 2009, 10:22 AM

I am not sure why it matters. Whether or not "if" or "when" is in there isn't the point. Seriously, this is meant to help, arguing over semantics really isn't going to do anything. The entire point of this thread is to help others get over their emotionally damaged state of mind and come to a firm grasp of reality...am I missing something?