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I would like to hear any stories from anyone who went nc and got the ex to come back. Ive just started nc with my ex after she wanted a break after 3 1/2 year relationship she said she just wants to be on he own for a while I bugged her for a month but then gave up and went nc. During the month i tried to discuss it and she slept with me once and was saying how much she wanted it that just confused me more. I have now began NC anyone had any success i really hope i get her back. I realise NC is not for that but i want her back...
No Contact used as a way of getting the ex back is very unhealthy and debilitates your own healing. Most of us are guilty of having used it for this purpose but I don't really believe that this by itself works. It depends on why the relationship ended and the circumstances surrounding the breakup.
Relationships end for reasons and if you don't take the time to reflect on why things ended then if you did get back together, how long before another breakup happened if there was no significant change?
I think it is all too easy to get caught up in the 'I must get her back' syndrome and ignore the negatives that were evidently there during the course of your time with that person. After a breakup, the one left behind often thinks only of the good and forgets/ignores the bad times or aspects of the relationship.
I think that in a real solid, mature relationship, the two individuals should work through any problems and try to resolve them before making the harsh decision to end it. I tried this with my ex but she was not interested in this idea. Thats what I mean, in a mature, solid relationship you would be willing to do that.
I agree that NC only works if your ex still has feelings for you. The dumper still has to have feelings in order for any strategies from the dumpee to work. But once that interest level crosses below 50% it's over for the most part. It's not going back up.
I don't want to give you false hope, but i did no-contact/low-contact, and my ex did come back. The cirumstances might be different, but your only hope is, if she still has some sort of feelings for you.
My most recent thread is about my ex calling me. She didn't ask to get back together, but at least I know she was thinking about me. I really don't want her back in a relationship right now anyways. So no contact did work in a way for me.
I think that strict no contact is only necessary if you are trying to heal and get over the ex. But if you still have hope and desire for reconciliation then reduced contact is a better option. Reduced contact would mean calling no more than once a month if she doesn't call you. But you have to set a deadline for how long to wait for her to come around.
If her interest level was still above 50% when she dumped you then backing off will help turn her. She won't ask to come back until her interest level rebounds back up to 80%. Interest level from 51%-100% means she still has feelings for you.
Interest level from 0%-49% means no feelings at all. She either sees you as a friend or she's hanging around you to ease her guilt or feed her ego
My most recent thread is about my ex calling me. She didn't ask to get back together, but at least I know she was thinking about me. I really don't want her back in a relationship right now anyways. So no contact did work in a way for me.
Yeah if nothing else a period of no contact works to raise the dumper's curiousity especially if they are used to you calling everyday.
I agree that NC only works if your ex still has feelings for you. The dumper still has to have feelings in order for any strategies from the dumpee to work. But once that interest level crosses below 50% it's over for the most part. It's not going back up.
I disagree, and until someone can comeback and say that no contact got them back together for the long haul, and they have a better relationship I have to say that your putting the wrong emphasis on no contact. Now if your saying you used the break wisely to change yourself and made yourself better, I can dig that and only time will tell that. For wharever reason she came back, talk and listen as good relationships call for a lot of work from both partners.
I really do believe that your ex wants out to explore, to date other people. She tells you what you want to hear, not what is really going on. She wants to ease her guilt as tal says..
She knows what she is doing, I guarantee it.
I thimk your right i must be kidding myself, she said to me i dont want anyone else i just want to be on my own to know that i can be ok on my own and prove to myself that i dont need anyone she said i rely on you to much. She said i want to be on my own till im ready to let someone into my life...
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
Posts: 1,276
Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
I thimk your right i must be kidding myself, she said to me i dont want anyone else i just want to be on my own to know that i can be ok on my own and prove to myself that i dont need anyone she said i rely on you to much. She said i want to be on my own till im ready to let someone into my life...
See mate this is very similar to the crap my ex fed me when we broke up albeit in a different way. My ex said "I just think we should leave it for a while Geoff" and "I don't want to be with anyone else, I just want to be on my own". Well, as you know from my PM, I bumped into her brother 4 weeks later and he told me that a guy from her work asked her out for a drink a week before she broke up with me, so she was already clearing the path for someone, she pursued this and found out that he was a complete a**ho*e that had more than one woman he was playing.
This was typical, a jerk taking advantage of vulnerability. sensing she was confused and muscling in so he could use a woman while playing others and she fell for it, although not sure how far it went before she realised. The funny thing is that she gave up a good, sincere and caring man for a line of Jerks.
Don't buy the bull**it mate, read between the lines. It may be different with your ex, it may not but protect yourself and pull away, to stop yourself from getting hurt anymore.
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
Posts: 1,276
This is just a thought but listen to what your instinct tells you, whatever that is. I tried to believe otherwise against my instinct in my situation at the time but my instinct turned out to be right.
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