I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

Eraserhead

It's been 13 days since the breakup and 13 days of 100% no contact. No attempts from me or from her. You can read http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...rs-213090.html for my story.

What makes this especially painful is that our breakup was "amicable." After all, we've been together for almost 7 years and practically breathed as a single unit, one blood...one person.

I'm still in the denial/is she hurting too/will she come running back/what the hell ever happened, I thought everything was great as usual/ stage. It's so surreal. Even if I'm busy at work, all of a sudden the thought will hit me like a train: "Oh god...she's not my baby anymore." We've been together for 7 years, all the way back since senior year in high school, so our lives before we met is such a distant memory...it's like we've known each other forever. She used to laugh and tell me that all the time..."I can't believe there was a time when we weren't together! How did we survive, haha."

The thing with my NC is that during the breakup we both agreed to meet again so she could finally visit my mother's grave with me (it's a long story, see my other post if you want). I really DO NOT want to be the first person to break NC because that would imply weakness and neediness, especially since I'm the dumpee. I want her to call me first.

Now every day seems a little bit better; actually more like nanobit. For a week straight since the breakup I've been eating one meal per day, crying until my eyes swell. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, then again early in the morning wishing she was in bed next to me. There is this particular part on my chest that she would always snuggle her head into as we went to sleep; she even had a pet name for it...ok I'm going to start crying again now...

I hang out with some old friends...it's helps a little, but just makes me miss her more because I think to myself, "I'd so much rather be hanging out with her." Yes, I know, she dumped me so I should let her go and say screw her...but like I said our breakup was too damn...civil. She was crying just as much as I was, even though she was the dumper.

For the life of me, I just cannot let her go even though she let go of me...we've been together for 25% of our lives, it's like cutting off half of my soul. I'm well aware that like less than 3% of ex's come running back, but regardless I still believe she will. My brain and body just can't accept it yet, even though in the back of my head I know the real numbers. It's like my mind is a paradox.

bigbird213

I feel your pain, I really do...

See I think a lot of people think the way to do it is to say "She broke up with me, screw her!" but i don't believe that is always the case. There are times when people are amicable about breakups (Mine was somewhat) and you need to reach a mutual understanding that it is over without getting angry.

I think you should know that everyone understands how tough it is and nobody blames you for being upset about it - its a natural and necessary part of the breakup. To be honest, I am impressed with the self control and rationale that you are showing.

Since it has been since your senior year in high school, I imagine that this was one of, if not your first serious relationship. Seven years is a very long time and it will take time to get over, and you are on your way.

You say that you feel she will still come running back, but you are aware of the possibility of that. While I don't think that is good for you, I am hoping that in time you will fade from those feelings and start to realize that you can live without her. Its hard to pick yourself up after you have let someone become such a large part of your life.

I, like others, have been through breakups where the dumper was just as upset as the dumpee. It isn't a good experience for anyone involved, but that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to happen. Give it time, the feelings will start to fade into the white noise of your day.

It's going to be an up and down ride, but your in the right place to get that boost when you need it.

Good luck....

Eraserhead

Thanks for the reply. Correct, she was my first love; actually my first girlfriend ever. Prior to meeting her, I was never interested enough in anyone else to go out with them. She was the first girl to "connect" with me, and vice versa. After we talked about ourselves on our first date, we laughed and came to the conclusion that we must of been separated at birth, hah.

She had 2 boyfriends before me, but they were little 3-5 month "high school deals;" pretty much meaningless. So it's safe to say we were each others first big love, and I mean BIG. I think the length of our relationship speaks to that.

Right after she broke up with me, I actually wished to myself that she had cheated on me or something of that nature so it would be "easier" to cut her out of my life...but that has since changed. Although the thought of her having a grand 'ole time with someone else makes me want to die (at this point in time), I'll hopefully be able to accept it.

As I wrote in my post we will eventually see each other to take care of something very special to us, but I'm waiting for her to call first. When we do meet, I think need to play it cool. No questions about the breakup or even our relationship. Act civil and strong, like my life is progressing and I'm back on me feet.

Also, my 25th birthday is coming up fast on June 6th. I'm wondering if I'll get a call or text. Every year for my birthday we'd either go to Little Italy in NYC or this very romantic Japanese restaurant in Edgewater, NJ...god I miss having her as my girlfriend!

A couple days after the break up, I went out and got an apartment. Don't worry, I did it for me, not as a form of escapism. I've been wanting to move out of my parent's for a long time, so I guess this provided the catalyst. I think the fresh enviornment will help a lot. Ironically though, the apartment happens to be within 10 minutes of her house. I'm not trying to "get close to her," it just turned out to be the right price and location for my needs, so hey what can you do. Yesterday I started moving my stuff into the new place and I kept thinking, "Man, she would of loved this place." We spoke about moving in together for a long time, but were bogged down by college/waiting to get steady jobs. I was really counting on moving into my first apartment with her (as was she), so it's gonna be sad at first. What a shame, because if we were still together she could continue living with her mom in the meantime and just sleepover or hang out at my place as often as she wants.

I also wonder if she's out high-fiving her friends and loving life right now, or if she's also hurt but progessing like me. Being the dumper, she is definitely more ahead of me since the concept of us not being together was already in her head, but I have a VERY strong feeling that I linger in her mind. Even if they aren't romantic or regretful thoughts, it would hurt me to know that I went from being her proclaimed "most important person in her life" to a total stranger. As many others have said on this site, NC and healing is a lot easier if we knew that both of us are hurting.

"Getting dumped is like being stabbed in the heart. Being quickly forgotten is like having the knife twisted." That's my quote for the day.

bigbird213

I have heard this before and I never thought it sounded like a good idea. It hurts enough to be quickly forgotten, how much more would it hurt to be cheated on? Bad idea if you ask me.


Its going to be tough, but thats the way to do it if you can't really avoid it. Keep it distant and professional, not mean though.


Don't count on it. You might or you might not, I have no idea, but I wouldn't count on it. On top of that, you don't really want to be jumping at the chance to talk to her if its over. Over and over again the dumpee gets excited because they think its their ticket back in, when in reality the dumper is just feeling a little guilty or genuinely cares how your doing, in a friendly way.


After seven years, i doubt shes out high-fiving her friends. You know her better than anyone else and its usually pretty hard to forget a relationship that long. I haven't talked to my ex in a month (after 4 years) and I'm sure she isn't "high-fiving" her friends about it. She might not cry every night and be upset about it, but hell -- neither am I. It really doesn't matter how they are feeling because you need to stop concerning yourself with her. She was your #1 for a long time, and now you need to put yourself back in front, and keep it that way.... Thats the true lesson in all of this break up garbage.

talaniman

So true.

classicrocker

day 7 feelin good. going to san diego tonight till sunday, should be a good get away

movinrightalong

So I am finally through my first week of nc. Almost didn't make it yesterday though. I was out grabbing a bite to eat, got in my car and drove off. Went to go around the corner and just as I was making the turn, sure enough she stepped off the curb (she was crossing the street illegally). Nearly ran her right over. I'm not sure if the look that she threw me was one of disgust, being surprised, of just taken aback. None the less, I just smiled gave her a quick wave and kept going. Thinking back on it, had she stepped out any sooner, there would've been no way that I would've missed her.

I just hope that she doesn't think that I'm stalking her or anything. Just a weird coincidence that we were at the same corner at the same time, but hey, funny to me none the less.

bigbird213

At least you have something humorous to look back on now....

Keep strong and try to make it another week now...you can do it.

nickshehe

Haha it would be funny if she got a restraining order :]
But yeah I think you should remember this as something humorous too...

movinrightalong

Not really considering that I am in the law enforcement community...

But still funny.