The NC Calendar

Numb · Aug 30, 2007, 02:34 AM

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

movinrightalong · May 12, 2008, 09:31 PM

Well, survived another day w/nc.

Just got some interesting news that will affect my nc though.

Next weekend is a long weekend here and my best friend and his wife are holding a party that we are both invited to. The catch is that the ex is really good friends with her and he is my best friend.

I have no intention of missing out on this event simply because she will be there. These were my friends long before they were hers and they will continue to be long after her. However everyone else are mutual friends.

I am considering the polite distance thing with her, but I am worried about two things.

First is the comfort level - Tension could be so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Second and more importantly, people at the party trying to get involved in something that is really none of their business.

I know that it's another long winded question, but should I assume that if she does attend, that I need to start all over on my nc? I fully intend to keep my distance from her and will be able to calmly and maturely talk to her if she initiate the conversation, however how does this fall into the no contact issue.

As far as I am concerned, even though there is so much that I need to get off my chest to her, I really don't have anything that I want to say to her at the same time. I don't and will not give her the satisfaction of knowing what is going on in my life. If she wants to know, then she will have to hear it from someone else.

I know that it will only put me a week back, but as hard as it is, I know that I am mentally stronger than she is because in the span of the 1 week since I left (as the dumpee), I have already changed the tune from I want you back to whatever. I love you, but you were not mature enough to talk to me about the relationship during a tough time. You just gave up and I have little respect for that.

Sorry for this being so long and more of a blog than a question, however I needed to vent that last bit out.

NorthernNiceGuy · May 12, 2008, 10:01 PM

What is everyone's opinion on NC with your ex's family?? I sent my ex's mother a simple Happy Mothers Day e-mail and I got this....

"Hi (north) thank you for thinking about me. You put a tear in my eye. There is not a day that goes by without mentioning your name in this house. I still talk to (my ex) about you and we get emotional. Your pictures are still all over this house. (ex's dad) and I miss you a lot. Bye for now I will talk to you again if thats alright with you."

Like what should I take from that? I don't know if anyone read my essay style blog story but my resolve that i am better than her crumbled a bit when i read this. She also texted me tonight asking me to come online with a please and

. I didn't respond but it was pretty hard and both of these ruined my night. Why would they still have my pictures up?

ihatewestseneca · May 12, 2008, 10:19 PM

Ignore everything that has to do with your ex... including her family... i loved my ex's family a lot, they were great to me and we got along very very well, and it sucks that i dont get to see them anymore.... but your ex wanted you out for some reason, so that means you've gotta disappear.

forget about why they may have pictures of you still up, it doesnt matter anymore friend. its over. if they want to hang on to your pictures, let em. its the same as any gift you gave your ex, every time they look at it, they're gonna think of you. my ex told me soon after the break-up, that her dad cried because he thought we were so good together. her loss, the same with your ex, her loss.

so to answer your question, technically you did break NC... cus her mom will tell her you emailed and any news to her about you is bad, she shouldn't know whats going on in your life anymore, she wanted you out of hers, so get gone. in a few months you'll feel loads better about everything, in fact, you probably wont even care.

WhatN3XT · May 12, 2008, 10:20 PM

My first night alone in 5 years and I've made it 6.5 hours. damn, I hope this gets easier.

NorthernNiceGuy · May 12, 2008, 10:25 PM

to movin....

thats a tough one buddy. Its only been a week for you, its been 3 for me and while I am feeling much better and feel like I have really got a lot stronger, seeing my ex would really take me back to the beginning at this point. I saw her at the gym a couple days ago and while I was able to give a pleasant hello and a smile like I didn't care anymore, if I had been left in that situation for anymore time and forced to be happy and social with others I don't think I could. Everyone at the party is going to be keeping their eyes on you guys for the slightest sign of trouble so be careful. I suppose you know yourself better than anyone else, and if you are confident in your abilities to be pleasant and up beat than by all means I would go for it. Just take care of yourself, you know your limits. And if you do talk to her yea... definitely do not get into anything about you guys there, not the place and nobody will appreciate that.

good luck!

nickshehe · May 13, 2008, 01:30 AM

movinrightalong: It will be hard for you mate..but chin up. I suggest you play it cool..don't turn around and walk away every time she's in the same room as you..If your eyes meet then just smile and nod your head, or if you're close .. a simple hello wouldn't hurt..If you start to go through small-talk like the how are you's e.t.c don't make it last over a minute. Just be like "I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend and I just came to get a refill for my drink..maybe ill bump into you later.." and smile and walk off...It's all in your head from then on..Show her you're stronger than she may give you credit for. She may flirt with guys to get your attention - e.t.c. Don't let it get to you, and you don't have to stoop to her level either..Just be yourself and enjoy the party like she was never there to begin with..

NorthernNiceGuy: I was quite close to my ex's mother as well..We even talked a lot in the after math of the breakup with her daughter..but then I told her we should stop talking about it altogether.. Her mother is divorced and a work-a-holic..so I spent most of my time convincing her to go out there and give love a chance again since she's working too hard.. I helped her get out of her shell so to speak and I found out recently that she's dating again and I'm happy I made some sort of difference in her life..But the problem is I found myself asking her how her daughter was and stuff..(Not if she misses me) Just if she's doing alright at uni and everything..which may have set me back..She still messages me frequently but I decided that I wouldn't reply to her mother either and I decided it was best for me to block her family out as well..I also blocked out any friends of hers I met through her (Who also still talk to me at times). It's best for you to let it be.

bigbird213 · May 13, 2008, 03:21 AM

I'm in the middle of my fourth week of NC now. The last few days had been a little easier on me, the thoughts of her were fewer and shorter during that time - it was kinda nice.

This morning I woke up and was thinking about her. I knew it was bad from the start. Its been about an hour I've been up, but for some reason she is really on my mind today. I'm having the rookie thoughts of "What is she doing?", "Why did she do this?" and "Why can I just email her?". I know this will pass, but its a rough morning and I wanted to get it down. For some reason I'm really worried that she has found someone and isn't even thinking about me -- I know, stupid right? I haven't had those thoughts in a long while, but they're back today.

Ugh.

nickshehe · May 13, 2008, 04:42 AM

It's not stupid bigbird :] I'm nearing the 40 day NC mark and I still get those thoughts..I start thinking someone else might be touching her now, or sleeping with her..It's alot worse knowing that she's left you and she's with someone than if she's left you and she's alone..But then I remind myself that I've been around since she broke up with me so I can only expect her to be doing it as well..Days like these will come and go though - worry not

I think even the NC veterans get low days..But trust me , whenever I felt weak and felt the urge to break NC - the next day I would give myself a pat on the back and felt good about not calling her, as I would have regretted it FOR SURE.
Whenever I feel down I just hang out with friends. ;]

brian1231 · May 13, 2008, 04:45 AM

Its been about 40-50 days of NC for me. 2 months since BU. I still get those days. So don't feel bad. It will pass, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to do that everyday.

talaniman · May 13, 2008, 04:48 AM

movinrightalong:Go to have a good time or stay home. NC, doesn't mean rude or bad attitude. You treat her like anyone else, and keep your best foot forward. Keep any conversation light, and don't be drawn into anything having to do with the relationship. The its all good attitude will get your thru this if you keep your cool.



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