I had dated a girl for 3 years and was very much in love with her. We broke up 2-3 months ago and I struggled with the breakup for a long time (dumpee). She gave me zero closure, "I'm confused," "I still see you in my future," "Whatever happens I still love you." Well the first month or two I went through the stages of trying to get her back. It only hurt the healing process. Now 3 months later I feel a lot better, only contacted her once (a month ago). She contacted me on my birthday 2 weeks ago and even had a friend there whos only job was to keep me from sleeping with these 2 girls she knew I had liked.
The only thing left that makes me think about her is MySpace. We are still friends on there (I defriended initially but after a week thought it was childish). Now that is the only way I know what she is doing. I have a hard time not looking at her profile every couple of days, and she is a picture whore. She doesn't have a new bf, but she puts up pictures every weekend and acts very 'sexual' with her guy and girlfriends on her wall and picture comments. I know it's her one way of 'talking' to me and it's driving me crazy. Is it too late to defriend from MySpace. Is this showing her I still care, I am only worried about myself and this has been a major crutch, but after 3 months I haven't showed her any contact or sympathy and feel this could be a step back.
Defriend her on myspace. Block her if you have to. It wasn't childish of you to delete her, it was necessary. Sometimes we don't get closure, and that makes it hard but what makes it easier is hanging out with friends, doing the things you like to do, taking up new hobbies and not looking at her myspace pictures. Hang in there. It will get better.
Defriending her isn't childish. It's called, "helping you heal". You've suffered a heartbreak. So you need to take the necessary steps to heal. If she really cared about you before, she would understand.
Every time you view her page or communicate with her, you're going to reset the progress you've made because you're going to continue to hold false hope. You need to block her out of your life until you've completely recovered from the break up.
Otherwise, you're just going to prolong the pain and suffering.
Finally, you don't need closure from her. Closure comes from within. You decide when to close the book on her.
She just posted pictures yesterday of a 'new' boy (possibly the first since we broke up) and she also posted a lot of comments with her girlfriends discussing their 'fun' weekend. Does this change anything, should I wait a week or so to defriend so she doesn't think these pictures hurt me?
Also, she has 3 friends she always hangs out with, all of which I am friends with on Myspace. Only one of them would I consider a friend of mine also (although she is her best friend). I feel as though if I defriend her I need to defriend all of them, there pictures still show up and I will still look at their pages. I feel like I already know the answer to this but should I defriend all of them?
How important is Myspace to you? Why don't you stop logging onto your account until you've recovered from the break up. Then you don't have to defriend anybody and you can heal. Win-Win!
If you can't discipline yourself from stopping yourself from logging on, then you're just going to have to delete her and her friends so that you don't accidently see her pictures and reset your progress. Unless you want to keep suffering, which I don't recommend.
No, don't wait. Just do it now. If she does change, it's not going to be over night. There's no sense in waiting around anyway. Who's to say how long you'll end up waiting and what chances you'll miss out on if you do?
How important is Myspace to you? Why don't you stop logging onto your account until you've recovered from the break up. Then you don't have to defriend anybody and you can heal. Win-Win!
It's not important to me, but it's a crutch I can't shake. I can go a couple of days without checking but I know it's still there and every once in a while I have to check it. I feel as though the power in the relationship took a turn a week or so ago. I have seen a lot of signs recently that she is still really hurting from the break up. I haven't given her any attention and although I feel like this could help me, I feel like showing her it's hurting me helps her. I should care more about myself but deep down it's been easier knowing she is hurting too. Just don't know if defriending now, after these pictures just went up, will show her that I am still weak and hurting.
Delete her as a friend, it's not weak to show weakness. You are going to hurt, no one will think less of you, but defriending her will show all of us, and especially you that you are strong enough to say "ENOUGH" and grab your set and take life into your own hands
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