I had dated a girl for 3 years and was very much in love with her. We broke up 2-3 months ago and I struggled with the breakup for a long time (dumpee). She gave me zero closure, "I'm confused," "I still see you in my future," "Whatever happens I still love you." Well the first month or two I went through the stages of trying to get her back. It only hurt the healing process. Now 3 months later I feel a lot better, only contacted her once (a month ago). She contacted me on my birthday 2 weeks ago and even had a friend there whos only job was to keep me from sleeping with these 2 girls she knew I had liked.

The only thing left that makes me think about her is MySpace. We are still friends on there (I defriended initially but after a week thought it was childish). Now that is the only way I know what she is doing. I have a hard time not looking at her profile every couple of days, and she is a picture whore. She doesn't have a new bf, but she puts up pictures every weekend and acts very 'sexual' with her guy and girlfriends on her wall and picture comments. I know it's her one way of 'talking' to me and it's driving me crazy. Is it too late to defriend from MySpace. Is this showing her I still care, I am only worried about myself and this has been a major crutch, but after 3 months I haven't showed her any contact or sympathy and feel this could be a step back.

Coffee Pot

I think this the main reason I haven't replied.

Hierarchy of talking to someone you care about:
Face to Face
Phone
Letter
Email
Text
Message through friend
Carrier Pigeon
.
.
.
Myspace

Maybe once she even attempts one in the top 3-4 I will contemplate responding.

redhed35

you doing really well!

and as you said yourself the last few weeks have been tough but you feel better.....her issues and her problems are all HERS!

you are looking out for someone who will get you through...that person is YOU..

she made her bed,let her lie in it now...

not your problem.

can you block her from myspace,instead of de-friend?

if you can you wont have to read any messages.....she is not thinking about your need now only her own....if she did care and was your 'friend' she would leave you alone.

or have the decency to speak to you face to face.

Imabadman

Listen CP this is the position you choose to take. That position inherently has you in her crossfire so to speak.

You wanted to remain friends on Myspace. And let's be honest here CP... it was only so you could harbor some hope with her. The Myspace thing allows you to observe her online (cyber stalking) and it also gives you/her another channel of communication. Just hanging on…

So you see these dwindling pains are your choice to endure. Yeah… it does suck. I’ve done myself, think we all have at one point or another. Letting go of every bit of hope is the hardest thing to do but you never truly move on until you do.

Coffee Pot

I removed her from myspace, but she can still message me. I am at the point where I have let go of every bit of hope. My head and heart battled for a while. Let go and heal, or hope and be hurt. I finally decided to follow my head with the help of most people on here. Does my heart still fight back every once in a while? Yes, but in my head there is no more Coffee Pot and Ex Miss Coffee Pot.

She is still friends with her other long term bf from high school. He stuck around and let her play with his emotions. She still had sexual relations with him up until we started dating. That all stopped but a year into our relationship (3 years after they broke up) he called her and told her he loved her. She has done this before and doesn't even realize what she is doing. Now they are back as friends, no idea if he still has feelings for her. But if I am calling her up 3 years from now to tell her I still love her than I have some serious problems. Not going to happen.

I've set up this convo in my mind and wanted to tell her for a while. How exes can't be friends, knowing she will bring up her and her high school ex that are still friends. I want to show her what she did to him, and what she is trying to do to me.

So imabadman, not sure what your advice is in this situation. If your just saying I made my own bed too (by not getting over her at first waiting this long to defriend) than I understand but where to go next.

Cat1864

CP, if you want to get it off your chest, write it down on piece of paper. So you aren't tempted to send it, put in the grill/fireplace and burn it or through a paper shredder. There is also writing it here if you want someone else to read it.

I know you want to tell her how you feel and 'make her see' what she has and is doing to others, but I don't think you would be able to get through to her until the other guy and possibly a few others say the same thing.

It may not seem like it, but your silence is probably the most effective way to get through to her as things stand right now.

vanheart

We all write those letters in our head. Its ok.
Ive even written them down, then trashed them. Along with lots of other notes good & bad.

The point is that they only really matter to ourselves to help heal.

Our exs dont care or deserve any further thoughts or realizations from us. She lost that right a long time ago.

Total NC forever is the only way. Let her live her own life.

And you can live yours.

Coffee Pot

Well it's been 38 days since I last contacted her and about 4+ months since our breakup.

The past couple of days have been great. The roller coaster still took it's dips but the low points were almost higher than the high points of just a couple of months ago. I even woke up this morning feeling great like I had actually finally hit a new point and it was the best I had felt in a while.

Then for some reason work has been extremely slow. So I started to think about her, and I started reading stuff on this site. And my head started spinning again. I realize it's just a setback but I miss her a lot today. I have a strong urge to contact her. 2 reasons I won't, 1. she contacted me through MySpace which is just cowardly & 2. it's been over a week since she contacted me so any contact would be initiated by me at this point not a reply to her. (At the very least these are the reasons I won't contact her)

I have a feeling next time she tries to contact me I might be closer to giving in depending on the circumstances. For some reason I have false hope today and keep thinking she'll come crying back. I am at a point where I don't even want her back, just want that feeling of 'it's my decision now.'

Right when I feel on top of the world a drop hits again. I will continue NC, my goal is to hit 90 days before I even contemplate contacting or replying. It's going to be tough but I have seen the benefits already and won't give in.

I just wonder what shes thinking. What her feelings are towards me at this point. But then I realize none of that matters. All that matters is how I am feeling and how I am doing. I am doing better then ever and this is just a small setback that will pass. Just let it go.

/rant

amicon

Rants are allowed! As are highs and lows-but I think you realise that you've turned the corner now.
I bet by the time day ninety rolls around you will have lost count.
And you'll keep on feeling great when you wake up every morning.
Take care Coffee Pot.

Cat1864

CP, what you are going through is normal.

As amicon said, rants are allowed. Better you rant to us and get advice on what comes out than you rant to her or a bottle.

Don't kick yourself for the down moments. Instead, take that positive outlook up again and do something that makes you feel good.

I think you will make 90 days if just keep doing what you are doing.

I wish

Feel free to rant any time you want! Anything to help you keep up your progress.

I just reviewed all your posts again and I notice your gradual improvement from one post to another.

You've been a inspiration. Keep it up!