Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask

    My muslim fiancé thinks Im a virgin.

    Asked Jan 2, 2009, 11:48 PM — 106 Answers
    I'm getting marry in a month I'm Muslim and my fiancé is Muslim too. Our marriage has been arrange by parents. The problem is that I'm not a virgin and I'm scared on my wedding night is future husband is going to realized that I'm not a virgin!! What should I do?? I don't know what to do because he just came from a Muslim country and if I tell him he would not understand!. please and advise of any kind.. I'm in danger

    Last edited by talaniman; Jan 3, 2009 at 07:16 AM.
    Search this Thread
    Share |
    106 Answers
    Cristiansmomma's Avatar
    Cristiansmomma Posts: 25, Reputation: -4
    New Member
     
    #91

    Feb 16, 2009, 01:45 AM

    Again,like you said 'there are some good advices here'. Some people are not going to like others answers,disagree or agree.

    I stated an answer which was just forget about it,and go on.He prob won't notice any changes since he is a virgin,and wouldn't know much about it. I did read her post,and read all the others. I know mine isn't a good answer,but it's a guess.

    I know that you were trying to point it out,but I have no clue why you said 'Once again,you haven't took time to read through the posts'.. did you say something before? I am a bit confused. However, I do not want to argue in someone's thread. People are going to give answers that people will not agree with.
    Helpful
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #92

    Feb 16, 2009, 04:31 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Cristiansmomma View Post
    again,like you said 'there are some good advices here'. Some people are not going to like others answers,disagree or agree.

    I stated an answer which was just forget about it,and go on.He prob won't notice any changes since he is a virgin,and wouldn't know much about it. I did read her post,and read all the others. I know mine isn't a good answer,but its a guess.

    I know that you were trying to point it out,but I have no clue why you said 'Once again,you haven't took time to read thru the posts'.. did you say something before? I am a bit confused. However, I do not want to argue in someone's thread. People are going to give answers that people will not agree with.
    Okay! I was trying to be nice with you. The reason I know that you haven't read everything, is because it has not been established at all that this man is a virgin! You don't know the facts, and you don't know about the religion, from what you've said. I have to say I don't either, but I respect it, and I read through everything so I could understand. Did you not read that the OP doesn't know herself whether or or he's a virgin? If I missed that, kindly point it out.

    That is only one of the reasons I was trying to be kind with you, and was only trying to help you out with making sure you read through before responding. I said "once again," because I had read a prior post of yours, but that's neither here nor there. If you want to get defensive, I know there is a reason for that and I will not engage you in your "right fight." Now, can we just move on?
    Helpful
    ardahk's Avatar
    ardahk Posts: 74, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member
     
    #93

    Feb 16, 2009, 08:03 AM

    Perfect dolls: I sympathise with your situation so much. Being Muslim (male) myself I can totally understand where you are coming from.

    Having lived in London for 19 years and being born in the USA, I have lived a pretty much 'western' life just like any other. My parents are pretty liberal and only ask that I marry a Muslim.

    Back to your issue - I have a best friend (female, muslim, 20 years old) who is dreading the day she has to go through this and let me first off say how brave you are, because I can understand that what is going on with you is a serious matter and really does need a solution.

    My friend, has felt guilty, felt as if she is living a lie, doesn't feel worthy etc that she has had sex - she feels like she has betrayed everyone she knows. She doesn't know whethe she will subject to an arranged marriage by her parents, but she does know that if her dad and grandparents found out, they would lose a lot of respect for her.

    I want to just add - I have this feeling you family are more 'traditional' and strict and my advice to you would be to NOT tell your future husband that you aren't a virgin because it will ruin your relationship with him, the relationship with your parents will be damaged, you will further alienated by your mistake and you will not be looked on in the same light especially if your parents decide to arrange another marriage will be unlikely.

    If you are happy marrying this man, and you are enjoying getting to know him and can see yourself with him then do not do anything. I am not an expert on this hymen business but take the advice of the women on here as to an excuse to use but you yourself must realise that you shouldn't feel guilty - you made a mistake but you have seen the error in your ways and its safe to say you haven't been acting the same - this right here is a testament to your character.

    I really do wish you the best. Going through what you are going through is incredibly hard but you have handled it with immense respect and maturity - good on you, you should be really proud you haven't through in the towel so to speak and really care about making this marriage work

    All the best.
    Helpful (2)
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #94

    Feb 17, 2009, 12:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kctiger View Post
    I had to take advantage of this opportunity to retort on this comment. First of all, I think you may have a different viewpoint of what losing your "virginity" really is...either that, or you take the seat off of the bike before your ride it.

    Second off, I think it is clear you may be drunk now, which would guide to to type such an awful response.

    Either way, please do some serious thinking...read your post, and until you realize how dumb it sounds, do not leave your house, for you may injure other people with your kind of mentality.
    Oh KC! Sorry, I had to spread the rep. You said what was running through my head! Thank you!! Awesome retort! You rock! That was the craziest response I've heard in a long time! ::shakes head::
    Helpful
    Eelarch's Avatar
    Eelarch Posts: 116, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #95

    Feb 17, 2009, 01:17 PM

    You could do something I heard about a while back, put a sponge inside your vagina that's soaked with red food colouring, it should leak a bit and give the appearance that there is some blood.
    Helpful
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,652, Reputation: 1318
    Ultra Member
     
    #96

    Feb 17, 2009, 01:19 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Eelarch View Post
    you could do something i heard about a while back, put a sponge inside your vagina thats soaked with red food colouring, it should leak a bit and give the appearance that there is some blood.
    Are you people on drugs? Seriously? Why would you start a marriage by doing something like this? Let us start our entire foundation on a lie... give me a break!
    Helpful
    Dare81's Avatar
    Dare81 Posts: 264, Reputation: 44
    Full Member
     
    #97

    Feb 17, 2009, 01:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ardahk View Post
    Perfect dolls: I sympathise with your situation so much. Being Muslim (male) myself I can totally understand where you are coming from.

    Having lived in London for 19 years and being born in the USA, I have lived a pretty much 'western' life just like any other. My parents are pretty liberal and only ask that I marry a Muslim.

    Back to your issue - I have a best friend (female, muslim, 20 years old) who is dreading the day she has to go through this and let me first off say how brave you are, because I can understand that what is going on with you is a serious matter and really does need a solution.

    My friend, has felt guilty, felt as if she is living a lie, doesnt feel worthy etc that she has had sex - she feels like she has betrayed everyone she knows. She doesnt know whethe she will subject to an arranged marriage by her parents, but she does know that if her dad and grandparents found out, they would lose alot of respect for her.

    I want to just add - I have this feeling you family are more 'traditional' and strict and my advice to you would be to NOT tell your future husband that you arent a virgin because it will ruin your relationship with him, the relationship with your parents will be damaged, you will further alienated by your mistake and you will not be looked on in the same light especially if your parents decide to arrange another marriage will be unlikely.

    If you are happy marrying this man, and you are enjoying getting to know him and can see yourself with him then do not do anything. I am not an expert on this hymen business but take the advice of the women on here as to an excuse to use but you yourself must realise that you shouldnt feel guilty - you made a mistake but you have seen the error in your ways and its safe to say you havent been acting the same - this right here is a testament to your character.

    I really do wish you the best. Going through what you are going through is incredibly hard but you have handled it with immense respect and maturity - good on you, you should be really proud you havent through in the towel so to speak and really care about making this marriage work

    All the best.

    I don't agree with this. A relationship build on lies is never going to go anywhere.
    Helpful (1)
    ronia's Avatar
    ronia Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #98

    Feb 17, 2009, 02:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by blue_st4r View Post

    You dont want to know what penalities she could have under Quran for having sex before marriage. Shes best left to give a false but believable story in this case.
    I just want to clearify something about this.about culture you are right,there are some arabian countries or all the arabian countries,which allows the family or the husband to kill the girl if she is not virgin.about quran and islam,this is not allowed.nobody has the right to kill any girl who is not virgin,and who do so should be killed in turn.and if the husband has a problem with that ,he can divorce her and that is so easy in islam (just one word"you are divorced")but he doesn't have the right to tell anybody that she wasn'tt virgin.for this girl,I would advice her to go to a doctor and fix things .its easy nowadays they do it by lesar.wish for her all the best.if not I advice her not to marry this man or marry him and don't go to an arabian country ,stay in a country where she can be protected.thnx
    Helpful
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #99

    Feb 18, 2009, 02:38 PM
    It is against site rules to send PM's to give advice! Read the rules and regulations you agreed to when you joined this site! Thank you!
    Helpful
    Arianna26's Avatar
    Arianna26 Posts: 7, Reputation: -1
    New Member
     
    #100

    Apr 1, 2009, 09:31 PM

    No, I don't agree with Iawanwadee, but again why would u have sex, when your religon says "not until marriage"... most people are really forgetting their roots... where they came from... just to be "westernized".. come on suck it up princess... now u need help with what U DID!. u need to tell him... and your family... for the stupid choice u made... and I wouldn't goooo so overboard with your in danger... your family may not talk to u for a long time, and u may disgrace your family name... but come on... u knew all this when u had sex... but yes with living in north america there are laws to protect u and me... from crazy people... maybe now u can think more clearly in your choice making, I'm sorry to say ... God bless

    Ws Salaam...
    Helpful

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Islam the same as muslim? [ 9 Answers ]

Ok this probably sounds like a really stupid question and I apologize if it does BUT... my husband just got back from Egypt a few months ago and he is under the impression that there is a difference between Islam and Musllims? He said it is like differences in christians and catholics. Just...

Can a black non-muslim man marry a muslim woman? [ 18 Answers ]

For the past few months I've been dating a muslim girl. I think I'm starting to fall in love with her and would love nothing more than to marry this girl. However, I am African American and she is from Jordan. She has told me that her family would most likely not approve, as they want her to...

Divorce under Muslim law [ 18 Answers ]

Asalam-o-Alekum I'm writing to ask you a question.I don't want to disclose my name but it will be great if you could please kindly guide me in a matter. My husband had forbidden me to do something. He said "each time you do it you will get one divorce automatically". I did that thing twice...

New muslim [ 11 Answers ]

Recently I have felt a calling towards Islam. I have always grown up in a religious family, primarily Christian. I don't really know what or how I can further my faith in Islam, besides reading the Qur'an. Any help or suggestions?

Advanatage of been muslim [ 1 Answers ]

I like the concept of polygamy but it is abundant by mainstream . Why you don't practice it any more ?


View more questions Search