I am a single parent of an 8year old girl and I recently received a job which is causing me to relocate. When I notify my mother of the job and the relocation, she asked if she could live me.

I was instantly horrified, my mother is controlling, intrusive, noisy, opinionated, bossy and sometimes overly needy. But she is my mother, she lives alone and is in her seventies.

I am so conflicted! Her moving in with me would lead to me purchasing a bigger home; she receives a good pension - so she assist with the mortgage? Does this then give her the right to honor her packrat tendencies? Do I allow pink flamingoes in the front lawn?!


HELP!!!!!

Dr D

I think that you have already answered your question. Terms like horrified, bossy, etc. etc. are not good indicators of a happy life with your mom. While the financial help that she could offer would be nice, the emotional price that you and your child would have to pay does not sound like a good value to me. Life is too short, to willfully subject ourselves to the company of disagreeable people.

Allheart

Oh my by all means let her move in especially if she is "controlling, intrusive, noisy, opinionated, bossy and sometimes overly needy" and what an added bonus ..who could resist pink flamingos lol ..oh my..Are you in a dilemma....if you do, well doesn't sound like it will be pleasant...and if you don't..oh how much fun will the guilt be. Hopefully, mom will change her mind. Did you ask her why? Why does she want to relocate with you. Have you any siblings? Can you pretend she never asked. Oh I am sorry, guess I am not helping. This is a toughy...I will send good thoughts that Mom changes her mind.

Please let us know how you do. Whether we should keep a look out for an influx of pink flamingos...

Hang in there

LUNAGODDESS

Sometimes I would want to say...don’t you know that your mother will always be your mother and her mothering ways will never leave...not until your children leave the nest will you truly understand this fact about mothering...if you are not struck in ignorance...and I just don’t give a damn...you need to show it...what a world we live in...when it become fashionable to displace or elderly...Your mother is in the late years of her life and needs to be around her child or children and grand children...for it is just horrible to die alone...just horrible....suggestion ...since living with mother is so hard on you...we who wish their mother was still here...are jealous of you...honey dear find a senior citizen residential complex in the city that you are relocating to...make a deposit and talk it over with mother...if you love her...tell her you do...then show her the fun that she will have with the company of people her age...many of this complexes have a new wave direction with yoga and swimming and couples night out and dating services...it would be fun to locate your mother somewhere that proves you love her and respect the work she did to bring you into this world ...easy...

Allheart

Luna,

Of course you are right. Many times when my parents or my in-laws drive me mad, I do stop and even say to my husband, bet they didn't complain when they had to change our dirty dipers and all the other incredible things parents do. So, yes, I do understand what you are saying. I think Djeff just needed to talk it out just like our parents would kidbitz with other parents about the crazy and nerve racking things kids do and share their frustrations.

talaniman

I would talk first and come to a reasonable compromise you both can live with. Gotta go call my mom and tell her I love her.

Fr_Chuck

I would say, she could move to the same area in perhaps a rental near by if she wanted to.

but you do need some pink flamingoes, everyone needs some of those

s_cianci

Are you relocating to or away from the area where your mother currently lives? I'm curious as to why she suddenly wants to live with you. I get the impression that you really don't want to live with your mother. Perhaps your best way out would be to explain to her that yes, if she did live with you you'd have to buy a bigger, more expensive house, which would mean that she'd have to help with the mortgage (and other expenses as well, i.e. utilities.) If she's currently living in a house that's paid off, she might decline such an arrangement.