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I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half, he was a very jealous guy and he wudnt like it when guys complimented me and the fact that i had many guy friends made him go crazy... I was also a flirty girl but i knew my limits and ever since being with him i never rele flirted around. Buh he is verry obssessive, he wud have his friends spying on me all the time and his friends wud tell him wut im doing and who im with and so on..Ive gotten to the point where i wasnt even allowed to talk or hang out with my guy firends and whenever i wanted space he'd think i dont love him or anything..I ve broken up with him several times and no matter what he'd beg and cry for me to stay, he's given me soo many things and so many letters and he'd always talk about the future, how im going to marry him and have kids.. :| im only 16! ...i always tell him to focuse on wut we have now, buh then he thinks i dont want to be with him.. i remember he use to check my computer's chat logs where my conversations wud be saved and he'd read them, at times he'd want to check my emails too..and just recently his own mother read my diary that i left there when i went to a trip with them and told my boyfriend that i had written alot of things abt him and so on...the fact that his own mother did that made me feel rele angry because out of all people i didnt expect that..so now i have lost all my trust in them.. today he's told me that when my birthday comes, he was gonna propose to me, and thats also going to be 2 yrs being together..buh i stopped him after a long talk..im not very happy being in this relationship.. i want out of it buh he never gets the point and i feel so depressed and as if im stuck...i cant even smile anymore...Right now he is currently in europe and hes coming back to canada in june after my exams..im scared becuase i prefer he stays with his parents in europe, and when he comes back i wont have any space..i asked for so many breaks so i can clear my head buh he wud always interfere by calling me every 10 minutes that my mom had no choice buh to answer and no excuse wud work..im very frustrated and i wish i was strong enough to tell him i dnt want to be in this relationship anymore, he does anything for me to stay, hed buy me clothes, jewelry, flowers, anything... and i feel so guilty that its also keeping me from breaking up... Im young at the moment and i rele dont want him to propose to me when im 17...i have so much ahead of me and i had spent a year and half with him without taking one breath, i had done so much for him coz i feel obligated to stay with him... i rele need help...
Never ever ever stay with somebody because you feel obligated to. You will never ever truly be happy. Your not happy now. You do not have any privacy. All the materlistic objects and gifts that he could give you will never make you as happy as being your own person and having your own privacy.
You should feel happy and excited and the way your feeling now, does happen in relationships. All of them but it is up to you whether it is worth sticking it out for.
You need to let him know that you are not happy anymore. You do not want to see him anymore and that it is over. If you do not you will always be a prisoner. You're to young for any of this worry.
This person is very obsessive and very controling and for him to get people to follow you around and spy on you and looking through your diary while your away. It is a sick sick situation.
Break from from this maniac and live life to the fullest the way you want. Spend time enjoying your life instead of looking over your shoulder.
Are you ever worried about your safety? Just be careful no matter what happens but this guy has abusive qualities.
yes im i get rele worried... im scared he could even hurt himself because with his last gf she had the same problem and he tried to hurt himself so that she wud stay with him..and now im in the same situation except he's told me wudnt do such thing. He's a rele sweet guy and everything buh he manipulates me... Ive tried to break up with him soo many times and gave him chances to change and now he says he has buh i dont want to be with him and i have no idea wut to tell him... Im just worried and afraid...
and thank u very much for ur help, i rele needed advice big time
If your worried about him harming you or himself. Restraining order is important. If your worried about him hurting himself, you need to let him make his own decision. Emotional black mail that is what it is. If you tell him your not happy, you do not want to continue with him. He throws out the idea of him hurting himself to make you feel guilty. You need to understand this is no way to be happy or live life. You need to move on no matter what he threatens to do. Obvously he is still here even after his last girlfriend. Just remember that.
Stop worrying about him. Truth and honesty is most important. You will be happier because of it. If this guy does do anything stupid then you need to realize that it has nothing to do with you but only with his selfiousness.
This guy is a control freak, he uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants. He uses the threat of physical violence to get what he wants.
This is NO way to make a relationship work.
Relationships are built on honesty, respect, trust & love. He has none of these for you.
You need to be strong in your decisions. get yourself free of him. Get some help doing this if you need to, from a friend or parent.
Live your life for you. Have fun being young while you can. There's plenty of others out there who will give you the respect you deserve.
You don't have to feel obligated to do anything. Your tooooo young to be involved like this - marriage @ 17...what? People like this can turn into abusers. Live your life, meet new guys and tell this one to get a life (strategically) without hurting.
If you want to stay then talk to him about what he is doing and how its harming your relationship. I began to become a bit of smotherer at one point with my ex. The more I did it the more she withdrew and the worse i got. I think Its because her cheating and constant hot and cold with me and the fact she wasn't ready for what I wanted. Yeh so we broke up! But despite all this I never gave up my hobbies etc - rather allot which i do have.
But common, self harm? He needs to get a life, some hobbies etc.
This is an unhealthy situation to be in and if he can't understand what your telling him, then enlist the aid of another friend, adult or parent, to help you breakaway from this control freak.
Unless and until you figure out what's in this for you and change that, you will be inclined to accept the unacceptable and complain at length to no avail about it. You trap yourself by becoming too weak to leave and don't bother to find sources of strength to help you. That is the classic "victim" part that is played here. I'm sorry to sound harsh but that is really how this works.
The part you are not seeing is he is not going to change. If he was, he would have already done so by now. But the same can be said for you -- which is why I wrote that very first sentence (you might read it again and give it some sincere thought). I hope for your sake you can see how this is all orchestrated. As long as you are willing to stay, the game is on, truly. I hope you find the exit door for yourself. That is the only way out.
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