Mistake saying I love you?

13 threads merged for the whole story



I will try to be as concise as possible as I describe my past relationship.

I met my ex girlfriend through mutual friends, went out on a first date with her, and started being exclusive with her a few weeks after that. We were both busy (graduate students), but talked everyday and say each other whenever possible.

We had been dating for a little more than four months when she went to Europe for three weeks with one of the mutual (girl) friends that introduce me to her. We stayed in contact over email (daily, for the most part), and she called me when she could, which was about three or four times.

I was in between school and work over the summer, not having much to do, and I really missed her quite a bit. Per her emails, she seemed to miss me quite a bit, too.

After she had been back for a week or two, I told her somewhat spontaneously (although I had given serious consideration to the subject) that I loved her while sitting next to her on the couch one evening. She held me closer, smiled and kissed me--but did not say it back. The next day, she said she was happy to hear it from me, but wanted to make sure that it meant something if/when she said it to me.

She had to leave town for about 4-5 days to see family and take care of some other things, and when she came back she complained one night of not getting to be with me, and was asking for a set of keys to my place.

Later in the week, after a movie in the afternoon, she told me she didn't think our relationship was going anywhere, and thought we should take a break. I reluctantly agreed, and did not contact her again unless she contacted me.

After 2 days, she called me--which was much earlier than I was expecting. She said she wanted to get together to talk, but later cancelled, saying she thought she needed more time (something I thought too). She called me again two days later, and said she wanted to meet again. She came over later that evening, and ultimately said she thought we should be done.

During the time she requested the break until she broke up with me, she seemed (and told me that) she was very confused about what, if anything, she wanted. Apparently she realized some of her independence while in Europe, amongst other things, and was feeling a bit suffocated by me.

Given how things were going, I really had no indication that I was smothering her, and now worry that expressing my love for her is what drove her away.

I really do care deeply about her and love her with all my heart.

It's been 8 days, and I've managed to avoid contacting her--which has been very difficult.

I would appreciate any input on what likely drove her away, whether telling her that I love her was a mistake, and how I can best carry on with things.

Thank you.