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I really love my ex and I cant seem to stop thinking about him. I can go for a while thinking I'm over him, but then, if I'm tired or not busy, thoughts and memories come swarming into my head.
He broke up with me just over a year ago, and I haven't seen him since. He's never seemed to want to keep in contact. I wrote him a letter asking questions about what went wrong - I felt I needed some answers - but he didn't reply to it. I texted him about it, and he sent some rather nasty texts back implying he wasn't interested in the questions.
There was nothing bad in our relationship when we were going out; when he broke up with me he said it was because he didn't feel the same way about me any more.
I still find that a little hard to accept. If you really love someone, you don't just wake up one day not feeling the same way anymore. Or am I mistaken?
HI,
"really love someone" can mean different things. Real Love, to me, means knowing someone for at least a year or two, building a good relationship, caring, trusting, and wanting your partner to have a good life, treating them with respect. I've been married now for 29 yrs, and my wife and I would not want to be married to anyone else!
Many years ago, I lost my sweetheart to someone else. She wrote me a letter in college, that now after about 5 yrs of going together, she found another man! Took me a year to get over it, and start dating again.
It takes time. Make yourself start meeting new men, talk about them, listen to them talk about themselves. It really is the best way to get over someone.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.
I think you need to concentrate on the fact he doesn't want to be with you and was VERY rude to you. WHY would you want to even be with him???????????????????????? he has zero feelings for you and never will again.
Sorry to say - he never had the same feelings for you. He is never coming back.
As I always say - concentrate on other things - school, work, FRIENDS, WORKOUT, religion, family, hobbies.
A year is WAY too long to dwell on a person who has zero feelings for you. I might suggest counceling. There something inside you that wont let go. This guy should not be in your head.
I THINK you're in love with the idea of a relationship and NOT (how could you be) this guy. You want th closeness of a relationship.
Make a list of good things and bad things about this guy. I bet, if you are honest - there will be more bad things - including the fact he has no feelings for you, wont even talk with you.
WHY would you want a person who wont even talk with you?
It's also repulsive for the ex to see you or hear still pinning away for him.
You needed closure and he wouldn't give it to you.
See - you put too much importance in someone who DID NOT feel the same way. When we put too much importance in someone - they run. Sounds like you made him too much of your life and now you have these feelings.
Let it go. When you think of him - have a thought to think about instead - like maybe a favorite vacation spot or yourfavorite thing to do.
"If you really love someone, you don't just wake up one day not feeling the same way anymore" - very mistaken - again, you are in love with the idea of a realtionship - being close to someone - not this guy.
You also need to figure out what pushed him away - probably - and I can see it - your neediness, clingyness etc.
Do other things in life - your significant other is part of your life - not your life!!!! Always!!!!!!! A small part.
Obviously your ex did not, in fact, feel about you the way you thought or wished he did and it sounds like he's been pretty honest and upfront about it. That said, you need to accept the fact that it is over and start pursuing some new interests. Not to be mean, but I wonder if maybe you've got a little too much time on your hands? You admit that it's been over a year yet you're still pining over him. Get busy and "get a life", as they say. Join a dance club, a bowling league, a church singles group. Take some courses, get a second job and earn some extra money. Continuing to agonize over someone who's been out of a life for over a year will only destroy any chance for happiness on your part. Get out and do things for yourself. There's a lot of living to be done out there so dive right in!
1. Its been just over a year that this happened..
2. You wrote to him - he never answered.
3. You texted and he nastly reeplied back - quite bluntly saying he is NOT interested.
She's in love with the idea of a relationship - not this guy. You can't be in love with someone you haven't seen in a year. She wants that closeness.
The sooner she gets this joker out of her head, the better.
She needs to find someone who actually wants to be closer to her.
She obviously, as, unfortunately MANY women do, suffers from low self esteem and thinks there are no other men out there who could love her - which is absolute BS.
I lost my ex 4 months ago after 3 years. We moved to Florida because he took a job here. I closed my business in Alabama and after being in Florida for a few months he decided he didn't want me anymore. We had a home together, I lost my puppy (he wouldn't let me take her) You have no idea how much pain and suffering I've been through and I understand your feelings of abandonment. At least you seem to have a life and thats a good thing. You do have to stay busy and train your mind to not think so much about it.
Feelings can seem that they change over night. My ex's feelings "changed over night," but really it's not being truthful with the other person. Regardless of what the reasons are.
It's normal to have memories or thoughts pop up. I'm facing that too. It's not fun. Remember that you control your thoughts. Think of something else.
Bargaining, Depression, Anger, Acceptance....those are the four stages people face during a break up. Once you accept that you need to move on, you will be on your way. You aren't alone. Be strong and remember that you will be ok.
I've found that, often, although a person may believe they are in love with another, they may only be attracted to a specific (and limited) number of another person’s physical and/or mental characteristics. For example, they may be drawn to their good looks, sexual compatibility, emotional or financial support, or one or more shared similar interests, etc. as a result, there is only a limited (as opposed to an overall) attraction. Based on my experience, a relationship formed upon such an attraction is doomed to a limited duration.
What ends up happening is that the person eventually decides he/she has needs and/or desires beyond those which originally attracted him/her to the other. When this time comes, the person wants to move on. And when they do, the other person, who either was or believed they were in love, finds it difficult to get over his/her former lover.
Writing from experience, I’ve found that the best thing to do is ask yourself what you miss: 1) who your ex-lover was (or who thought he/she was) during your relationship; or 2) who he/she is now? If you think about it, it can’t be who he/she is now because if you had witnessed them treating someone else the way they did you when things went bad, you would never have dated them in the first place.
So, who you miss is a person from the past. Someone different than the one you know now. At a minimum, his/her needs/desires have changed. Therefore, you have to put it in perspective.
View the situation as if a loved one has passed away. In such cases, it’s natural to mourn over the loss. But realize that the person you knew is gone. As a result, you can achieve closure and the pain will ultimately end.
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