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First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definatly understand. And i'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.
Now im a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.
During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show alot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lieing all together.
She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didnt have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much.
And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.
Well im sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a bday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldnt go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, im like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so i head to the bowling alley to suprise her. Not there. Next day I dont confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and i look up the clubs where I live.... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didnt realize it.
So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldnt be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. lol. wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and im like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.
I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasnt alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldnt have.
It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought i was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)
And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesnt feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.
But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life aint over, but the lifewith her is. and thats what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.
So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, i blog ALOT on myspace, and now im on here asking, what, i dont know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didnt know what I was gonna write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing.
But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know im not the first or last to feel this way, but i just cant listen to my own advice i guess.
lol of course not friend4u . And dlee889, I was a man who believed in compromise, I believed in understanding. She had personal issues, and insecurities I wasn't about to just drop her because of those, I would be a shallow person if I did. I DID stand up formyself at times, which is what we mostly ever fought about. She didnt "RUN" my life, and I wasn't being CONTROLLED. I am the one who ended it, as painful as it was. Not because of her insecurities or issues, but because she wouldnt compromise, she wouldnt work with me, and she was a lieing hypocrit.
And don't get me wrong, I wasnt alowed to do alot..... but then I didnt CARE about those things. turn my head during nudity in movies? albiet kinda immature to have to, but do I care? how does it HURT ME to do it?
I CARED enough about her, to be understanding because Ya i wasnt perfect I did things just like her to hurt our trust (I never cheated or even close) so I was understanding, not controlled. I LOVE her and I wanted HER to be happy. Because if SHE was happy then I figured I would be to. But its all bittersweet.
I dont regret one thing I did OR didnt do. and I dont regret any of the decisions I made regarding her extreme jealousy andinsecurities. I did what I thought was best for the relationship at the time. I made that choice to go along with her.
So I will learn from what I did, I will learn from what she did, but I was ALWAYS in control of my own life. I was just trying to have her be APART of my life.
You tell me to grow up? Walk a mile in my shoes, before you JUDGE me.
I am open to critism, feedback, both constructive and destructive. But at least have experienced it, or know what your talking about if you are.
Which is true... but honestly imo you never know someone is the wrong one, until they are. How could I have known what was gonna happen? I am not gonna go into any relationship thinking "this could happen, because she acts like this" or "she is going to hurt me bad because she does this" No one is perfect, I just gotta be more careful.
She wanted instant gratification, I want long term happiness. So lesson learned i think.
She wanted instant gratification, I want long term happiness. So lesson learned i think.
I'm liking your new-found philosphy, Delow.
Look at your original post title - Mind says this, heart says that... It has been really great to watch as your heart and your mind are becoming more "in-tune" with each other.
Lol ya im goin on 5 months now, with alotta ups and downs, along the way. So I guess for me a month for each year is kinda accurate. Though I doubt im completely over her or satisfied (thus far) Im doing much better now then a month ago. (or more)
NC is a big help (and I dont have to worry about her trying to contact me)... my recent change of shift prevents me from seeing her when I drive to work like it was the first 2 months >.< And me using some willpower not to look at her facebook/myspace is really helping.
And keepin busy!
I am a big philosophier lol. And I love how you put that HC, bout my original post and how now my heart and mind are becoming more intune... i guess in everything thats been goin on it started happening without me noticing. ^^
Look at your original post title - Mind says this, heart says that... It has been really great to watch as your heart and your mind are becoming more "in-tune" with each other.
Keep it up.
Had to spread the rep, as what you say is so true. As we spend years to know ourselves, what we want, how to get it, and what we can't do. The bottom line is to know ones self, very well. You are growing, Delow.
So in 3 days it will basicly be 4 months since I broke up with my ex (and found out all she had been doing)
My first post here kinda explains where I was at around 3 months.... multiply that going back each month to day one, and I think I have come a long way thanks to help on here.
I finally completed a small goal of mine, got my tattoo. Kanji for "sincere faithfulness"" or loyalty". a small goal but one I met.
My routine has basicly been, get up at 12pm or 1pm... get ready and go to work at 2pm, get off work at 2am, play some halo with my dad if hes up, otherwise workout till 3am. and fall asleep listening to extremely sad music lol. repeat. weekend I go out with friends, hang out with family, what ever comes up.
Ive kept myself from checking on ex or even bad mouthing her lol. I feel confident in my life right now, like im walking forward with purpose i guess you could say. Hitting small goals like getting my tattoo or getting 40 hours of OT (when the previous year i never worked OT and left early alot) and working out , and seeing a serious improvement in phsyique and how much I wiegh (im to 140lbs yay me) and writing a poem that i thought, as did many other people, was extremely cute and beautiful and sweet, make me feel proud of myself.
My ex roomate recently screwed me over but I managed to handle it, kick him out of apt, and now this weekend I get to clean up the apartment (which he trashed) and actually make it my own, which it hasnt ever been.
I still get really sad sometimes, when I remember certain things, or something that she did in the end etc.... but those moments are fleeting, and as much as they hurt, the pain goes away much quicker. Life definatly doesn't seem as bleak as it did a few months ago. And apart of me still wishes she was in my life. But then i realize now my life will be much better without her in it.
So im getting there, lol and i promise i wont keep ressurecting this thread now.
resurrecting i figured i shouldnt keep bringing back both of my threads, just need one.
Its so amazing how much works out, and happens when you just stop trying to force it. The last week, and esp Friday and Saturday have been so amazing. I keep thinking of ex, here and there everyday. But, i don't know, I just feel so much more confident.
I have a cool little puppy, whom I have named Cassie (i stuck with the eee sound) She is a beautiful little Papillon. She is the sweetest little pup, and I don't think even on a bad night when memories are strong, ill get as down if she is around :P So ya... and that waitress i was flirting with and got a date with.... thats kinda a real big ego boost (that i definatly needed) she is very pretty, into ALOT of the things i like. so we see what happens either way i made a cool friend that i can share my interests with.
My tattoo looks awesome, i get so many compliments, and tats are great ice breakers! Anyways... i hope people read this thread, realize that though details may be different.... things will always get better with time, and if you try to better yourself for yourself.
For me, my next step, spending time with Cas, teachin her tricks and stuff and even goin to obediance classes (and agility when she is old enough). And you know altho i get teased at work for getting a 'girl' dog.... the girls LOVE my dog lol. So you can do one of two things... get a 'mans' dog that is growling and barking when you bring a friend over....or get a 'girl' dog (which paps are 8th smartest dog) and have the girl go 'awwwwwww' then your like "hey cas go sit on her lap and shake her hand" bam... ya smooth lol -.^
. And dlee889, I was a man who believed in compromise, I believed in understanding. She had personal issues, and insecurities I wasn't about to just drop her because of those, I would be a shallow person if I did. I DID stand up formyself at times, which is what we mostly ever fought about. She didnt "RUN" my life, and I wasn't being CONTROLLED. I am the one who ended it, as painful as it was. Not because of her insecurities or issues, but because she wouldnt compromise, she wouldnt work with me, and she was a lieing hypocrit. 
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