First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definatly understand. And i'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.

Now im a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.

During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show alot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lieing all together.

She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didnt have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much.

And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.

Well im sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a bday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldnt go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, im like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so i head to the bowling alley to suprise her. Not there. Next day I dont confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and i look up the clubs where I live.... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didnt realize it.

So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldnt be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. lol. wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and im like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.

I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasnt alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldnt have.

It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought i was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)

And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesnt feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.

But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life aint over, but the lifewith her is. and thats what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.

So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, i blog ALOT on myspace, and now im on here asking, what, i dont know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didnt know what I was gonna write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing.

But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know im not the first or last to feel this way, but i just cant listen to my own advice i guess.

Delow84

either way it is a really inspirational quote. I had a tough night last night, so you brightened my day with that quote HC.

HistorianChick

Aww.... shucks. Thanks, Delow.

I love brightening people's days!

Glad it helped

friend4u178

HC

Have to spread the rep so can't give you a greenie for those 2 posts earlier , but as you always say to others....................you DA BOMB girl :-)

HistorianChick

Me. Da bomb... Coolness....

You guys are going to give me a big head...

Nothing I ever say is life-changing or bombastically awesome... its all just life experience for me. I'm so very thankful that it is helping you out a bit. You have no idea how cathartic this whole AMHD is to me, as well. Giving advice helps put things in perspective...

Like you're quote, "M" - "There's only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that's not learning from experience!!" I've learned from my experiences!

Delow84

I have to agree, this site is a big help. Just being able to ask questions,vent, and recieve honest feedback, ideas, encouragment is a big help. And that quote, I read it any time I see you post, it's great.

Delow84

So I finally got a car today (just a pos to get from point A to point B until I get my bike) which means I can go back to my apt, rather then stay at my parents. I havnt been to me and my cousins apartment since new years. So that sucked. I got the car today, my cousin informs me he is moving out. After 'losing' the rent money for this last month, and failing to mention he just didn't go to work for over a week (prob got fired).... so kinda had to dig deep to cover rent and bills etc while he partied. That sucked. But he is leaving so HOPEFULLY ill get what he owes, though I doubt it. At least I will have my apartment back, and I will have someone to be if I want to be alone.

So ok thats just whats up, now some philosophy on my part that ive come too.

Now this may make more sense to the younger generation (maybe) but Life is really like a good video game lol. (i use to be heavy gamer though not the nerdy type lol)

Now go with me, say I got some looong rpg game, takes alot of time to do really well in the game ya know? well say im hours into it and i dont save my progress..... and power goes out! minus the cussing and screaming at the power, I lost EVERYTHING i had worked for. albiet its just a game, still.

Now some people could say "scre-- this, im not playing anymore" and give up.... they never get to see the end.

Me, I start over (and im very angry while i do that lol) but I quickly realize, that starting over I get much further, in a shorter amount of time. I do alot better, because I already made the mistakes the first time around, saw what i needed and wanted, and what I needed to stay away from.

So at first I was angry, upset that I lost everything I had, and worked hard for......
In the end, I accomplish more, faster. I avoid mistakes I made. I do things I SHOULD have done. And I get to see the ending and feel that much more satisfied and content seeing as I worked hard, and didnt give up.

I thought that was a good analogy... or metaphor?

basicly it boils down to, learn from your mistakes... dont give up, and in the end its much sweeter when you dont.

(and remember to save)

dlee889

BE A MAN , GET A LIFE , SHE WAS HEAD WRECKER , YOUR WELL SHOT OF HER. GET ON WITH IT AND GROW UP . WHY YOU LOOK FOR WOMEN ONLINE ANYWAY . YOU CAN MEET THEM EVERYWHERE ,BOOKSHOPS ,WALMART, BURGERKING,BARS, GROW UP GET OUT THERE ,MOVE ON.

Robert7x

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...

People deal with things differently... not everyone is the same. If we were, the world would be borinng and there would only be one kind of product.

Delow84

While I agree she was a "head wrecker" I don't agree in any way that I wasn't being a man, I was just a stupid man in love. And I AM getting on with it, and I AM growing up. I wasn't LOOKING for girls online, I used AOL to talk to 'friends' I had from where I just moved from. SHE messaged me first. ANYWAYS.

So ya, thnx friend4u I thought maybe the younger generation could have something they might be more attuned to as advice. I just say same thing much smarter people have said, just with video games as an example :P

friend4u178

Thanks Delow , and a good analogy too , I hope your not calling me old though