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First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definatly understand. And i'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.
Now im a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.
During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show alot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lieing all together.
She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didnt have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much.
And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.
Well im sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a bday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldnt go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, im like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so i head to the bowling alley to suprise her. Not there. Next day I dont confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and i look up the clubs where I live.... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didnt realize it.
So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldnt be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. lol. wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and im like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.
I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasnt alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldnt have.
It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought i was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)
And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesnt feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.
But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life aint over, but the lifewith her is. and thats what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.
So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, i blog ALOT on myspace, and now im on here asking, what, i dont know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didnt know what I was gonna write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing.
But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know im not the first or last to feel this way, but i just cant listen to my own advice i guess.
Dude you really shouldn't be afraid of those kinds of things. Whenever you think about that stuff think about how many couples end up divorced? I'm just saying you need to focus on your life, and making yourself better and stronger, and if you do that happiness will come and find you. I was scared too when i broke up with my girl.
I was always anxious about going out to bars and stuff or talking to other girls, since i'd been dragged around on a chain for 3 years and never had to worry about taht, but once i took that intial step, acted like myself and went out and did it; Let me just tell you once that happens youre first thought in the morning will not be holy crap i miss her, it will be holy crap life is awesome and i feel sorry for the next guy taht has to endure that crap form her. And who knows that new girl could be right around the corner, but dont even be concerned with that, just try to occupy yourself and always think positively, it can help you go very far in life.
You're more than welcome, Delow84. I can only share those things that have helped me.
Check out this posting... Its one I started last week to hear about other people and what has helped them at various stages of life... http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/books-l...fe-171287.html You'll find quotes that will inspire you, uplift you, make you laugh, and above all, encourage you to keep on keeping on.
Thnx DMBacoustic, I know I shouldnt be scared, and i'm sure I'll get over it. And I've gone out a few times, to bars and what not. Guess I just wasnt ready for it, not use to it. Im not a big drinker, or a bar/club hopper. Lol last club i went to I had an epileptic siezure and was kicked out cause they thought i had drank to much. (hadnt even started drinking since it was a week or two after break up)
I want to go out to places I like, to shoot pool and what not. I just can't find a reason to go, so the last 2 weeks i just been sitting inside listening to music, watching movies playing a game and working out.
after 5 years of conforming, im working on being me again. hopefully when i get that down ill wake up and feel like life is great. lol cus i do wake up and say "holy crap i miss her, or i hate dreams" etc i want to wake up and look forward to the day. So like everyone keeps tellin me just gotta give it time. Ill deal with the random thoughts and memories that pop in my head, i sigh them off, throw myself into working out, or just have a little cry, because i can admit it has gotten easier to have those thoughts and not spend a whole night crying.
Ya i kinda gave up on worrying about meeting someone else, if it happens it does. Just tryin to make it from day to day, throwing in things i like to do, and have always wanted to and couldnt.
-edit- i laughed out loud at those quotes, thnx dmb, and historian chick ima check out that post, because I love quotes. They really do help, for me anyways
Ya i kinda gave up on worrying about meeting someone else, if it happens it does.
Never say you've given up on something like that. And you're right if it happens then it happens. But in the meantime don't think of yourself as this guy who's never going to meet another girl. If you keep having that outlook, who's going to want to be with you? Just because some girl who probably doesn't have the slightest clue as to what true love is leaves you, don't let her or this experience ruin your life.
This will make you a better person in the end.
Just have faith in confidence in yourself, and like I and everyone has said things will fall into place. When i broke up with my girl I was thinking holy crap I'll never even like get close to another girl. Two months and several girls later, you realize that all you have to do is go out there and live life and be who you are, and girls will appreciate that.
Oh and "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me"
i want to wake up and look forward to the day.
-edit- i laughed out loud at those quotes, thnx dmb, and historian chick ima check out that post, because I love quotes. They really do help, for me anyways
Good. You want to wake up and look forward to the day. That's the first step. Now, as in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT. Make the choice to look forward to the day. Don't think about tomorrow.... just today. Live in the moment. When you live in each moment, you look back and find that you've had some pretty awesome days.
Oh and "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me"
lol. When I said giving up, I didn't mean that I don't care or have any hope of it happening. I do, and I want to meet someone great who will respect and love me. I'm just not gonna force it I should say, I will let it happen when and if it does.
And I plan on just trying to enjoy my life, in CO I want to go mountain climbing, take pictures from the top, I signed up for skydiving which ive always wanted to do. I joined a softball team at work, which i wouldnt have done any of those if I was with my ex. I am more willing to go out and DO things now. I may not always have fun, I may even get sad at times but I am going to do my best to enjoy my life.
"carpe diem quam minimum credula postero." Seize the day, trusting little in the future.
as a side note, finding and posting on this site has probably been the best thing to happen to me recently. Most helpful to be sure.
i read what you have written, and i felt so sorry, I had tears in my eyes and I can imagine, how you feel.
I know, that everybody says, well she is the one who lost such a good guy like you, or: you deserved better, but these things do not help you.
you have to get the feeling back, which gives you hope, love and the sense for life.
you have to realize, that she is not the problem, you are the person, who have to be more self-confident!
and i do not think, that she is really happy.
perhabs the guy she is now with, is more handsome or smarter, but he is not better! he cannot be better, because you really care about her.
you think about her, you really love her ALTHOUGH she had done such bad things to you.
this is love, but its destructive. and it hurts just YOU.
I really hope, that you will find YOUR way. and believe me you will, if you just want to.
what she has done to, she will get back in her life. this is karma.
do not wish her bad things, be patient and you will see what life has to give YOU:
real and good love.
Every time I tell the story, I tear up, every time ive read all the great responses, ive teared up (and im at work lol)
"you have to get the feeling back" ---- that line for some reason reminded me of top gun when they play the song "youve lost that loving feeling" guess that movie has been in my mind since i am gonna get a bike and ill pretend to be tom cruise for a day lol
ahh humor is the best and its probably one of the things I love most about myself. I can be at the lowest point in my life, but when people are comforting me ill always try and make THEM laugh.
she wasnt evil, or the antichrist or such. just an insecure person who was stuck in that high school drama mentality. she had her great moments (which is why i stuck it out) and that guy may be more handsome,(doubtful hes smarter) or just all around better. but it doesnt affect me in any way. I dont wish bad things on her, but on the flip side i believe in karma. I sincerely hope she never experiences what she did to me. im probably one of the most impatient people in the world, but the last 3 months have taught me a little bit about being patient, about living. and i may sound like im on the road to recovery, which i may very well be. but i know it can be a long and bumpy road, but for once (and im crying as i type this) im looking forward to the ride
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