First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definatly understand. And i'm sorry this is so long... ended up venting some.

Now im a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on Aol and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her.

During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show alot of female skin. Ya she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lieing all together.

She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there i might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didnt have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much.

And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her.

Well im sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a bday for a girlfriend from work. Im like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldnt go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, im like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so i head to the bowling alley to suprise her. Not there. Next day I dont confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and i look up the clubs where I live.... and then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didnt realize it.

So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldnt be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. lol. wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and im like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since.

I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasnt alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldnt have.

It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought i was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace)

And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesnt feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt.

But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life aint over, but the lifewith her is. and thats what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing.

So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, i blog ALOT on myspace, and now im on here asking, what, i dont know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didnt know what I was gonna write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing.

But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know im not the first or last to feel this way, but i just cant listen to my own advice i guess.

Delow84

I totally agree with ya HC. This is a great site and im glad I found it.

Delow84

So it's almost been 4 months since the split. The first 2 months I'd say were the worst. I had a cousin move in with me at my new apt so I wouldn't be alone (he is 19) and so he is of the mindset "lets go to a party, lets party etc" And seeing as when I was 18 riiiight when i was gonna do all that, I got with ex, so i wasnt 'allowed' so i missed out on that stuff.

So those first 2 months I did some catching up on that part of my life. And although it was fun, it just aint me lol. But at least now I know that I can go hang with soem friends and drink some, or sunday for the superbowl I can actually drink without a 2nd mother hovering over me.

These last 2 months are really when I am tryin my hardest to keep busy (and constructive) I think maybe it was the night me and my friends were drinking heavy, and EACH of my 3 friends had an ex screw them over. So they got all depressed. Which sucked, and I got depressed. Well long story short everyone branded themselves on the chest.

looking back its like duuuumb. But ive only drank once since and no way im letting my ex's memory have that kind of power over me.

So I set goals. A- get my motorcycle B- move to Colorado C- get skydiving certified D- mountain climbing/camping/fishing etc.

But it's easy to set goals, much harder to accomplish. What i think ive learned is nothing worth it comes easy, and nothing you have lasts forever. So gotta do what you can, when you can and enjoy it.

So i am working 12-14 hours a day- 6 days a week. Working out for an hour everyday when i get home. Playing halo3 for like 30 min with whoever is still up. going to sleep and repeating. It may not sound like much NOW. I am not running out doing all the fun things i want like my ex is. I've learned patience. In march I WILL get my bike, and ill have accomplished one of my goals, so I am excited and looking forward to it.

I will keep working hard (though not quite as many hours as now) and save so I can move this summer.

And lately it occured to me, when i think of my ex, as much sadness as is mixed in those memories.... when I picture her she just doesnt look the same. It's like the little things I overlooked when we were together, are blatantly obvious now.

She took an easy road, so she is happy now. Im on the harder road, I WILL be happier later. I will feel accomplished and confident in myself because what I am doing now. Then I will make memories WORTH remembering.


bah just felt like venting some. I keep thinking of that diamond rio song the one about the broken road? good song.

HistorianChick

Wow.... You're awesome, Delow. You're such an inspiration for all of us that have been through it.

I think the most prolific thing you said in that post was "when i picture her, she just doesn't look the same." Wow. You've been able to step back, look at the situation, and re-evaluate your opinions. That is one of the hardest things to do.

You have taken the steps on that proverbial "harder road" and you're well on your way to the mountain top.... via a hot, Top Gun bike!

You are amazing. I'm proud of you. It's been such a privilege to observe your journey. Keep us up to date and never be sorry for 'venting.'

Delow84

Lol that is awesome. I am gonna so have someone drive next to me and take a pic or something lol.

Here on my first 70 hour OT check im gonna take a little out so I can go buy me a new wardrobe. Cause to be honest I havnt bought myself clothes (other then 1 hat and 1 pair of shoes) since i was 18... im 23 now. Thank God for parents buying clothes instead of the cool stuff.

I am doing alot better then I was at taking care of myself, keeping my hair nice and shaving etc. been getting alot of compliments which is cool.

It still sucks goin to bed cause I dream of her everynight. My only comfort there is that no matter which version of her is there (the one I love, and the one who doesnt know what love is) I always push her away, It's never a dream of us together.

And like the song neon moon i think, every sad song does seem to say what I think or feel. So I just pick the top 10 or 15 songs that are the most depressing. And play them while I work out.

Vday is comin up. Not lookin forward to that. Ill prob pull a double at work. Maybe buy the ladies I work with flowers . And I still have alot of those moments in the car that I get choked up and tears spring to my eyes. Just one day at a time though.

HistorianChick

Now that's a must! If you do, post it on here!

Flowers for the ladies you work with... that's so sweet. Its a great idea, too.

Music is amazing, isn't it? I've been playing Slide and Let Love In a lot... and Better Days... basically, I've been listening to Goo Goo Dolls! Lol! Although, I did buy some peppy music this morning and am going to download it to my phone for working out... you know, the good stuff for Cardio (Get the Party Started, I'm too Sexy , Survivor, those kind)

Take care!

Delow84

Dont forget "I will survive" lol Ive been listening mostly to the key songs throughout my last relationship. But im starting to mix in a few more upbeat ones.
Oh and definatly gonna have to post those pics when I get them, I am looking around early to mid march getting my bike (still need to get my 'M' license, and well learn how to ride lol)

Anyways today is my friday so prob be 2 more days before I post on here ( i try and stay off computer when at home) so I will see everyone laters

Robert7x

I bought a bike first, then learned how to ride, then got the M license... You can ride on the permit you know... That's what i did.

I have a GSXr 600 red/black (red is my favorite color, what can i say) The bike is awsome.

Although, now i want something faster... 1000 maybe

Good luck bud

Delow84

Nice robert, ya im prob gonna just get my permit and then bike like a day after, I am shooting for a 07' GSXr 600 red and black also.... thats my fav color combo lol. aint no way id get a 1000 id prob kill myself lol.

maybe later.

HistorianChick

I don't care how fast a bike is, how hot it looks, how amazing it sounds.... I've just got to be able to hang on to a sweetie!

(Although, Choppers.... wow.... Sorry guys, I like the cruisers! Oooo... and red. It has to be red. Or black. Black works, too! )

Delow84

cruisers are nice, but on a fast back with a girl behind you, goin fast, she gonna wanna hold on alot tighter, and be alot closer. Which is OK by me. Black and Red always good choices