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Mind says this, Heart says that
Asked Jan 16, 2008, 03:57 PM
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148 Answers First I'd like to say I'm new to the site, and so I read the "what to expect when you get dumped" post. Very true, and I definitely understand. And I'm sorry this is so long... Ended up venting some. Now I'm a 23 year old guy, met my ex when I was a freshmen in HS. We met on AOL and chatted for 4 years before meeting. We met, fell in love and stayed together for 4 years and 8 months. It was a bumpy road, but it never mattered to me how bad it got because I loved her. During our relationship I was not allowed to go out with friends, or have friends who were girls, was'nt alowed to watch movies with nudity or that show a lot of female skin. Yeah she was insecure, easily jealous etc. I never cheated, nor wanted to, loyalty is important to me. I may have lied about things here and there (mainly about watching movies that had nudity lol) But eventually just stopped lying all together. She would complain we never go out, but then if I'd offer to take her out she would say no because "there are other girls there I might check out" or "that movie has nudity or close to it" or we just didn't have the money because she job hopped for a few months and I had to break myself and borrow from parents to pay bills. All I could really do was watch law and order and play video games. Which she complained I played to much. And she was a big stickler on being honest, fes up when you make mistakes or do something etc. Always worried I would find someone else prettier or whatever. Or cheat on her. Well I'm sure by now you could guess what happened. This last October she wanted to go downtown to dinner for a b-day for a girlfriend from work. I'm like sure have a good time (I worked overnights at a hospital I couldn't go) well she texts me later askin if she could go bowling with her sis, I'm like sure. Well I happened to get off early, so I head to the bowling alley to surprise her. Not there. Next day I don't confront her, I hint at it and want to see if she would be honest. She wasn't. So I go online and I look up the clubs where I live.... And then look at the picture section for that particular day she was downtown. Low and behold she had a pic taken and didn't realize it. So I did prob the worst and best thing, broke up with her the next day when she still wouldn't be honest. (oh and also saw she had been texting, and calling a new number on the cell bill) Well I come to find out through many sources, that she was cheating on me with a guy from work, went out with him that night, a day after we broke up she moved in with him, locked my mom on a 2nd story balcony while we were moving my stuff out, called cops on each other, flirted with cops with me right there. Lol. Wow. I take a second to look at all she has done and I'm like wow. All one week before my birthday, and 2 months before I was going to propose (on xmas eve). She has been living with him since. I made a myspace, wrote in a notebook till I filled it, blogged a few times a day. My cousin moved in with me at my new apartment and I started partying and drinking (which I wasn't alowed to do either. And things were bad but not that bad. Then she made a myspace *groan* which sucked. I checked it every day for a week before I made myself not check it (was 2 months before I relapsed and checked it today) shouldn't have. It has been 3 months yesterday since all this happened. And my mind says all that ^ but my heart loves her so much. She is the first thing I think of in the morning, last before bed, and always in my dreams (although my dreams never have us back together which is good... ) Everything in the city I live in reminds me of her. We did so much together. I hate watching tv and quit playing video games for 3 months before I finally picked up a control again. I started working out because I thought I was to skinny or whatever. Now I just work out when thinking of her gets bad (everyday) My heart hopes she will come back, or realize the mistakes she has made. My heart breaks seeing her holding someone new and being happy (her myspace) And all the while my mind is saying, it's over, she isn't coming back, you need to remember the bad not the good so much. I know I'm not ready to date again, the few girls I've talked to just doesn't feel right (so we just friends) I know time will make things easier, lol I've given most the same advice I might get. I am smart and wise enough to know it isn't the end of my life. I know I may potentially meet someone new who makes me happy. And that I will stop feeling so hurt. But then again, I have those feelings, where I know my life isn't over, but the lifewith her is. And that's what mattered to me. I wanted to marry her. Good and bad. And she dropped me after so much like I was nothing. So I read things like "what to do when you get dumped" and "what to expect" etc, I blog a lot on myspace, and now I'm on here asking, what, I don't know. It feels good talking, and writing, and I didn't know what I was going to write, but looks to me as all the reasons why it might have been a good thing. But I miss her everyday. And I really do not know what to do. Because everything makes me think of her, or makes me sad. And I know I'm not the first or last to feel this way, but I just can't listen to my own advice I guess. |
148 Answers
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| Not ignorance at all, my friend. Every quote, verse, saying, story has a different meaning to each person who reads it. For me, I think "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." talks about purpose. I've always been fascinated with the stars. I have experienced some of my greatest memories when lying beneath a starry blanket. One of my favorite quotes is "The most tempestuous wind cannot disturb the quiet of the stars." The stars are a source of constant inspiration. The whole "fixing on a star" is a very important part of my life. When I was a kid, my Dad and I would go camping once a month with this little YMCA group called Indian Princesses. It was a Dad/Daughter bonding thing. We lived in Michigan, so it was cold most of the months that we camped... We'd sit out by the fire with the other Dad's and Daughters and watch the stars come out. My Dad (who, by the way is my hero) and I would always find Orion and talk about it. Since those days, I have often found Orion with my Dad and remembered. My Dad passed away from cancer four years ago. I remember one night, very close to the end, after leaving my Dad at the hospital for the night, I came home, parked my car, and burst into tears. I got out of my car and laid down on my driveway and found "our" Orion. And I started to "talk to Dad." Ever since then, whenever I see Orion in the night sky, I feel a special connection with my Dad and yes, I still "talk" to him while fixing on those stars. So for me, when I fix my sights on that star, I will never lose sight of my hero, my inspiration, my guide. By doing so, I know that no matter what happens in life, I will always have that star. When you fix your sites on a star, whatever it is - healing after a break up, going for a PhD (another star I've fixed my sight on!), finishing the day - whatever "star" you fix your sights on, if you truly focus your attention and drive upon that star, you will never change your mind. You will go on into that successful life of pursuing your dream... Your own star. | ||||
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| HC...thanks for the story and your take on the phrase. INSPIRING.... I have read some of your past....(being left at the altar...etc...etc...) yet you seem SO PUT TOGETHER! How long were you a mess? You have come so far! (Was it long ago?) I can only hope that I am where you are soon....Thank you again for being such an inspiration to me and others. | ||||
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| Oh, Darlin, I've really only shared half of the icky stuff that have made me who I am! How did I get "so put together?" One moment at a time. I've always kept faithfully to the "ten minute rule." When you're going through the roller coaster of life, you need to have time to breathe.... But sadly, once you finally think you're at a gentle part of the roller coaster, the bottom drops out and you're in a free fall (or a loop-dee-loop!) Basically, you must schedule "breather" times. I have gone with ten minutes a day. I know that I have ten minutes (my drive home from work) to vent, scream, cry, RAH at the world, sing, go nuts, blubber, be the inner-depressed-self that we all have, pull my hair out, whatever. Some days, I literally live for those ten minutes. When I was going through my ex-fiasco and in the time that my Dad was sick, then after his funeral I took those ten minutes every day - I lived for them, I focused on them.... BUT, by living for them, guess what happened? The rest of my day was lived under the "I can make it until 5. I can do this. I can cry later." Then, the day came when I didn't need the ten minutes. I sang along with the Goo-Goo Dolls on the way home, rather than mess up my eye makeup with tears! The next day, I needed it again. Recently, I've needed it. But only on some days. Bottom line: I have learned to be content. I have learned to know that there is a plan, that I have a purpose, that my destiny is beautiful and bright. I have learned that I am the type of emotional woman that needs ten minutes every day (even if I don't use said minutes) to fall apart. Because when I allow myself that time, I know that I can make it through the day. You have to live in the moment. Every moment is laced with shiny-potential (see my signature). Every day is a new chance to show the world what you can do. Every person is a potential friend/colleague/inspiration. Every struggle is just a chance to grow. Every rip in your broken heart will scab and make a pearl (if you haven't seen that post, let me know - I'll send you the link). I'm a sucker for pearls. I have way too many. Because I've been hurt and wounded and left at the altar and passed-over and crushed and betrayed. BUT, hon, I've also been blessed beyond measure. I have friends. Family. A job. A beautiful past and a glorious future. I have me. My character. My personality. My likes and dislikes. My self. Annnnnd I rambled way too much!  Hope this helped a tad! I'm a delightful tie-dye of life experiences... If I say so myself!  | ||||
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| Yeah HC is great, and her advice is definitely worth listening too. But on the davinci quote my take on the last phrase is a little diff "he who is fixed to a star does not change his mind" to me is like if you focus on one thing you never experience everything else. Yeah know? Like if you dwell on an ex so much it rules your life, you miss the opportunities that life gives you. I don't know but HC's interpretation better. | ||||
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| See, this is why I love quotes. It translates into something different to everyone! But, as you all already know, my perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism colors my interpretation of all of life's events, no matter how dull and dreary. Consequently, I tend to apply quotes/stories/sayings on the positive side, glass-half-full end of the spectrum! Although, yes Delow, I can totally see that application to the quote as well... | ||||
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