hi,

i'm looking for some help with my not being over my ex. can you guys give me advice ?

i broke up with my girlfriend almost three years ago. then i wanted to get back together. i had had a hard year, a big family loss and realized that i really loved her. but she couldn't get back together, said it was too hard, she was too hurt.

now after three years, she's living with someone and won't talk to me. i was in a relationship this past year and through the grapevine hear my ex was jealous, but of course still basically received the silent treatment from her. now though, i realize that i'm just not over her. i've tried to write her and still don't hear anything. but somehow i feel in my gut that she's the one for me. maybe i'm crazy to think this, though.

can someone help? if she's the one, what on earth can i do now? she's living with her partner so i feel like i have no luck. but then i have this uncontrollable feeling that we are right together. i don't know how to move beyond that.

very distressed ;(

Morton35

Cut off any communication you could possibly have with her. Talking to your ex, thinking of your ex, even talking with mutual friends of your ex slows down the process of getting over them dramatically. Start going out and meeting new people. If she is giving you the silent treatment, then it's not worth it. If she really does miss you, she'll find a way to contact you. Otherwise, move on and meet someone else.

That's the best thing I can think of, I mean she's already with somebody else and now its time for you to forget about her.

DaBaAd

According to what you state above, it sounds like you regret breaking up with her. Go back and relive what you had with her, what happened, and why you broke it off and then ask yourself:

1. Can I live with what made me break up with her before?
2. Am I a different person to know that I will adopt, compensate, and open lines of communication to address the original problem?
3. If SHE had anything as viewed as a problem then has SHE worked on this to ensure that she has been introspective.

Only then, when you can anwswer these questions call her and let her know that you have something to say. Meet, discuss issues but don't open up any wounds or scars.

If either of you cannot reach an agreement then let her move on and you move on with someone else that will allow you to be a better person. Sometimes we just need to learn certain lessons with a person and then let go.

Everyone will be better for it if you put everything out on the table and be honest with each other.

Cheers

kiki_doki

Can I ask you a couple of questions?

So you broke up with her and if she was too hurt then what did you do to her? why did you break up with her?


Secondly are you still in the aforementioned relationship or are you single now? If you are how did this relationship finish?

kgreen44

ugh, i feel like such an idiot. i can't just forget about her. i felt pretty happy being in this new relationship and recently it just all fell apart when i realized i just wasn't over my ex. so i broke it off with someone who cares about me to pine over someone who ignores me. it's so dumb... and i feel like i just can't help it.

i broke up with my ex mainly because i was confused and having a really tough time. i was 25, just lost a close family member, and just couldn't see right. so i broke up with her but we still remained very close (spoke numerous times a day). then i got a bit better, wanted to work on getting back together and she met this new guy, who she's still with.

i know i should just forget her. i just can't. i really think she is still the one. i know how crazy that sounds though ;(

kiki_doki

I dont think that sounds crazy at all! well maybe just a bit....(",) but its good to be a little bit crazy. Do you think that you started to pine after your ex when your current relationship started to get a little bit stale?(you know after the honeymoon period)
Do you think that maybe its the attack of the what if's.....what if i was still with her? what if we got back together? what if her boyfriend dumps her? I think you were right to finish with your current though, well done it would have been horrible to have left her stringing along knowing you were feeling for someone else. If however she is the one then have faith in fate.....I know it sounds like a lack of a good answer but I truely believe in i"f its meant to be". Sometimes people are worth waiting for, you have let her know your feelings so the ball is in her court and what you also have to take into account is that she has feelings with someone else now. does the above make sense, sounds a bit mish meshy?

kgreen44

thanks kiki. the "if it's meant to be" does make sense. it makes me feel a bit better to hold on to faith, but then i don't know how to tell her that i still care for her and think of her so often. she just won't write to me and she doesn't want to talk by phone. she says to her friends that it's too hard to be my friend, and to me she's cold and either doesn't reply or replies and says her "relationship is wonderful" and she wishes me well. it's very cold. so i feel like if i come out and say i'm not over her, i'll seem totally nuts. ;( i just feel so, so stuck.

kiki_doki

well, shes obviously just very upset with how it ended and there is nothing more you can do really! and I would take comfort in the fact that she is being a loyal girlfriend, although not to you she has her loyalties right...it wouldnt say much about her if she was still checking you whilst with someone else!! (I know you probably dont want to hear(or it doesnt help hearing) great things about her). maybe shes being cold coz she doesnt want to lead you on or start having feelings for you again coz shes in a relationship, again right thing to do. I'm sure she will thaw out and start talking to you again....start speaking to her friends, they usually have a "way". But dont expect her to leave her "wonderful relationship"...I doubt that will happen....sorry (",)

kgreen44

do you think she could just be saying it's wonderful because i'm her ex?

kiki_doki

that is also quite possible, I mean realistically how many people say of their relationships......."wonderful"? Not bloody many! I mean it doesnt sound like shes over you yet, hence why she cant chat for long or be friends etc....sounds like shes probably got feelings for you but your probably the guy who really hurt her........and shes doing whats right for her.