Just wanted to understand a bit, why do people get married. Dont take this as a cheap childish question but i have given it some thought.

Why not just live together, be together, but not marry. Marraige is like a big burden, forcing you to stay with the person you love. I know, people will argue, but you are supposed to stay with them, but whats the point of forcing something that is not there.

btw, im 14, and have no plans for marraige or anything. just wondering.

Fr_Chuck

Hello, well at least in the US, people who marry are not forced to stay together, divorce is far to commom.

But marriage is for one promice and a sign that you love someone to a higher point. Next it is a religious issue, all major religions require a couple to marry as a teaching in its faith. So to a religious person living together without being married would not be considered

But marriage is not forcing anyone, in marriage each party is free to leave.

But the marriage gives each partner certain rights and obligations legally, and this is the most important, that is why you see gays fighting so hard to be able to marry. It gives them a legal right to joint ownership of property and a court action to get thier half of that property if they seperate. It gives one partner who may wish to stay at home rights to income if the other partner just leaves. It provides them the right to made medical choices for the other person if they can not make them thierself. It allows them to inherit free from contestment from other normally a share of the property of the other.

Marriage is both a religoius and an legal act giving rights and responsiblilities.

NeedKarma

Let me start by saying that most things that you believe at 14 will likely change as you get older and gain life experience.

If at this time you don't believe in marriage then that's ok. Work on being a strong independant woman. Later when you start dating look for a man who shares your values.

Along the way you may find that your values get altered and that's perfectly normal.

I got married at 35. I started out kind of like you but I found a great person that I wanted to stay with and start a family with.

aqua@home

Personally, I believe people get married for all sorts of reasons. Some reasons good (love), some not so good (convenience, desperation, etc.) Some of the not so good reasons have unfortunately become acceptable (eg. immigration). I believe the only reason anyone should get married is for love. I think too many people make a mochery out of marriage, it is not a sacred union between two people anymore. It seems that people walk away too easily. Marriage over here does not force couples to stay together, just turn the TV on and check out what's on. Why don't people ask themselves "why get a divorce?"? I think abuse is an acceptable answer.

I got married because I loved my husband (still do), I felt it was right according to my faith and I really did (do) want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have our moments, but we try to work together, through our problems. We have made the choice, to be married and that means something.

I am going way off topic, so I will stop because I could go on and on and on.

kp2171

for some, simply being together is enough. my great-grandfather was with a woman for over 20 years later in life. they were not married, but happy and committed together. and i know of another couples who were together as life partners but never married.

and, as was mentioned, many people do separate and divorce, so its not a simple issue, even for people with 2-3 times the life experience that you have had.

ive dated seriously... among other, shorter relationships, i had relationships of 7 years and 2 years before i was married. ive been married over 6 years now, add in dating and weve been together over 8 years.

does being married make it a stronger relationship? yes. in my opinion it does. even though you certainly CAN abandon a marriage, there is a security and comfort in knowing that the other person has declared their lifelong intentions before you, their family, friends, and their faith (if they are religious). and there is something that grounds you when you put yourself in that same place. you have formally committed yourself to this person and this relationship... if you do it right, it isnt the prison sentence that you make marriage seem to be.

those who celebrate their marriage, celebrate their relationship. it is a lifelong celebration, that takes work and committment. marriage usually doesnt fail... its the failure of one or both people to honor, respect, and celebrate their relationship that fails... so i dont think there is anything broken about marriage. whats "broken" is how people treat each other and themselves.

talaniman

My marriage of 32 years was a commitment before the God that we understood and the whole world That we would be together and go thru the trails of life together and deal with whatever comes up............together. We dated and got to know each other for a couple of years before WE decided we loved each other enough to make that commitment. Honest communication and a devotion to each others well being is the foundation we built on. The trails and tribulations of life have bonded our souls together and taught us much about ourselves and each other and the learning never ever stops as does the process of growing together. To me their is no greater security or comfort than having a companion that will always be there for you in thick or thin, sickness and in health. If nobody cares how I feel I know she will and I feel the same about her. So if you take your time to choose your partner carefully a life time of love and happiness will be yours. If you don't you'll be another statistic of a failed relationship. KP is right its not the institution that's broken, its the people and how they treat each other, that's the difference.

valinors_sorrow

This was a second marriage for both of us and we had none of the usual reasons to be married. We were both financially secure and living easily together without being married. We did not need to tell each other anything as that part was already well covered. However we wanted the rest of the world to know and this became the way to do that. On that note, I married him to be assured that he would be recognised and treated as my "One" until my dying days or a divorce, whichever came first and, I believe, he did likewise. There was no promise whatsoever of forever and ever in our vows since we felt that was too hypocritical for us. We had both learned some very painful lessons. There was a lot of present-tense declaration of love, honor, devotion, shelter from the storm, etc that is true even today - having now occurred one day at a time for all these years. In an odd way, we renew our vows daily and that has worked well for us.

kp2171

the only thing "odd" about this statement is why some never get this approach to marriage.

s_cianci

In my opinion, people who "shack up" are copping out. They want the benefits of marriage but don't want the commitment. They want to keep one foot out the door "just in case." In my opinion such an attitude is self-defeating and self-fulfilling in that if you think that something won't work out, you can bet that it won't. If you choose to live with someone but not marry them so you can leave if the going gets tough, then what's going to happen the first time you or your partner hits a bump in the road? You're going to bail out. Having a successful marriage requires communication and commitment and these are desirable traits for anyone to have, whether married or not. People who lack these traits are shallow and self-centered ; certainly not the type I'd want to live with for any length of time.

cheechthecheechy

btw i am a guy =P

and anyways if marraige isnt forcing you to stay together, it is a big burden with having to get ad ivorce and stuff when u dont want to be with someone.

i mean u wont feel that much more special to someone, or someone special to you if you marry them. I mean, if you love them theyll always be special to you.

I guess i dont understand 'commitment' lol. Or well at least, dont understand what commitment is in a long marraige, i eman look at the stats, Heaps of people get divorces.

oh and btw, im not religous, im an aetheist, or apathisst or w/e. hey ill start a thread for that! =P

ty for eveything but im still a bit confused. mroe info would be nice.