Man's provider skills on test?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 9, 2007, 06:29 PM

I have had for many years basically my own business, and I will tell you up front, if my wife called and I told her I was taking a nap, I would not get a chance to sleep that night listening to her about day time is work time and that I should be working.

Often, people can get into bad work habits, and perhaps she is very concerned that working at home is close to being unemployed and often it is one customer away if you are in sells of any kind.

Vazzago · Jun 9, 2007, 06:39 PM

Thanks for your point of view shygrneyzs, that would be the last option I will consider since she has her good qualities that makes me love her so much. I just trying to understand this dinamic between us and how can we improve it.
Any other opinions will be so appreaciated, maybe a woman point of view.

Vazzago · Jun 9, 2007, 06:55 PM

Fr_Chuck, thanks for your opinion. That day, I was with flu and resting my bones since the previous day I had really heavy train, since I'm getting ready for a Tennis Tournament. I Usually take 30 min to an hour to eat and rest.
And yes your right, I try to keep separated my home behavior from my office behavior. But then again, one thing is hear your wife concerns about "day time is for work" rather than, "tell me where did you get money to buy that computer?" or "I don't want be in a relationship with a lazy man". For heaven, she sees how I work hard many times I'm so tired but I still with her my time.

chuff · Jun 9, 2007, 07:11 PM

From everything I've read here it sounds like your a hard worker and with goals. If she doesn't appreciate that, then I agree with shygrneyzs, it's time to give it a rest for awhile. She should be supporting you, not breaking you down and making you question yourself. If she doesn't see that, and doesn't respond to you telling her then maybe letting her know that you don't need her around bringing you down is a way to show her that you mean business.

Your not going to be successful in life or in this relationship if your constantly having to deal with her nagging, because that is only going to distract you from what you need to be doing.

Vazzago · Jun 9, 2007, 07:59 PM

Shygrneyzs, oops I didn't notice you are female. My mistake and thank you so much.
Actually I'm not whining and then defending her. I just try to make it clear that, she has many qualities that I really like, and makes me love her for them.
I was trying here, to get a course of action to improve my communication with her and her behavior. Saying that a break up would be the last option.

chuff · Jun 9, 2007, 09:14 PM

When we said time apart we didn't mean break up. We meant to show her that you focus on other things besides her and let her know through your actions.

You can sit down with her and tell her but I think the problem you'll run into is that if she has always been like this it will be hard for her to change just by a conversation.

That being said, sit down and tell her that in order for this relationship to work and for you to accomplish what you need to she needs to be encouraging and supportive of you. Tell her that constantly questioning and nagging at you is not going to help either of you.

Makiavelic76 · Jun 10, 2007, 03:29 PM

Well bro, you should set some boundaries what is acceptable and not inside your relationship. I can feel that you are goal oriented to make your business grow as well your relationship with this woman. I don't see any trouble if you take a nap or rest since you need it to recharge your batteries to keep going on with your productive life. Maybe she needs to understand this. Maybe she needs to get involved more deep into your life so she can see what you do. But there's a tiny porcentage that she would be a person with a abusive behavior, and that's is not up to you to fix.. It's up to her ONLY
That's when limits and boundaries came into the scene. She should be the one who support you the most since she's interested in developing a life together. Financial issues can be frustrating when you head is fighting with your emotions.
Talk with her, I know for what you tell us, it is not the first time, but tell her that you are not open to accept her criticism in a destructive way, and if she can't be supportive, you would rather to put her aside on this matters. But then, you would be the guy with money on his pockets or not, and that's up to you, if you want this kind of relationship on a marriage level.
You seem a self confident man since you are motivating your female partner to develop her self too as an independent woman. That's a plus not a minus. You deserve someone that makes you feel the same.

Best wishes, keep it cool

ramblinguy · Jun 10, 2007, 06:20 PM

Perhaps she is feeling insecure because of your new business. Assuming that other parts of your life are in pretty good order, her behavior doesn't seem unexpected to me. Remember, this is a strain for both of you.
Of course, you deserve to take a nap, too.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2007, 07:02 PM

One thing for sure if you two cannot communicate your hopes and fears, to each other, and have respect, and work together to be happy, don't get married. I suggest you express yourself to your partner, and let her know, you don't appreciate her always getting on your case. She is probably trying to help but she isn't a mind reader. Don' assume she knows how you feel, its your obligation to let her know, and understand, exactly how you feel.

Vazzago · Jun 11, 2007, 12:48 AM

There's a new imput for this story, well after I resented her for her commentaries. We haven't spoke in 2 days only by txt mjs. She go out with her friends without telling me where she goes. That doesn't bother me much, which it does is the fact the she got very mad at me if I go out with my friends after a fight without telling her where and who I go out with. She starts to make indirect accusations of my going out's full of distrust. That bothers me.
Well at least for mjs I let her know, detailed and specifically what bother me about her commentaries and how they make me feel, since she didn't care to call me back. She replied that I was the one who has to go to visit her and call her, and I told her I just I can''t since I'm too resented and leaved behind with that.
Today we txt mjs again, and she doesn't seem to accept or take any regrets about how she make me feel. She just tells me that I shouldn't be offended or discouraged, categorizing me as too sensitive. I confront her if she thinks that cuestioning me about the origin of my incomes or her discouraging indirects are her way to be supportive, and she just avoid it.
This thing is messing my mind right now, I just don't know what to do.
Visit her and talk her or let her understand what she make me feel and hopefully she can be empathetic with me?
I'm afraid I'm not doing right on this..

Man's provider skills on test?

Add your answer here.

Check out some similar questions!