Man In Love w/ Another Man

cactus830 · #1 Mar 28, 2007, 03:05 PM

Hey Im 33 yrs old i became fast friends w/ someone I have known for many years just did not know him personally. Hes 27yrs old very intelligent ,funny, tough, masculine and very very easy on the eyes but he also has severe mood swings(gemini) along w/ a severe drinking habit. As time went on I realized i was having these feelings for him which i felt for no other male or female Well I hate to say this ...but I regret telling him my feelings for him. At first he rejected me w/ an understanding and commending me for being this open He told me he loves women all kinds that bisexuality has crossed his mind but it was not his deal. Well im not as easy on the eyes then my friend in question im overweight posses some feminine traits which i try to control but i am what i am and I ave excepted this about myself... yet im only out to him and a close female friend who is a lesbian. Well my feelings are getting stronger w/ all i knew about my bud even though he is sexually active w/ woman usually drunk when he hooks up I noticed its all short term but always someone. But this one night after hanging out drinking and being goofy he made his move on me and i let it happen. he told (drunk) he was in love w/ me which made me very happy I felt very lucky. we then we had sex w/ each other (first time for me ever w/ a man and i assume my friends first time too). I expected the distance and awkwardness afterwards. He let me know it was to much booze and he is not gay, that night meant nothing to him he said he was grossed out afterwards...HE made the move on me i would never be that daring drunk or sober... you tell me your not attracted to me Im gonna respect your wishes and not make the 1st move but this is not the case.

After all the arguing and namecalling saying i was acting like we were a couple ???maybe i was i did not think i was acting like this I thought i was being accommodating. Then He askos me if we would be a good couple?... Im a little stunned still over all that went on.
Yes our friendship has had its rocky moments lately but i didnt know what to do except to run away. So instead of moving in with him as a roomamte in a 2 br apt I decided to decline. I left w/o saying a word He did call a few x shortly after I left but i did not answer the cell. I finally got in touch w/ him 3 weeks later he was so cold and nothing w/ me on the phone telling hes miserable hates work seeing this girl but it nothing they have nothing in common has a strange guy and his girlfriend living w/ him in a studio apt. Well fast forward 3 months Im back in the state where he is and I just cant get my self to see him I did finally ask him on the phone if we're still cool he said yes we were but i seem unleveled lately by taking off going here & there coming back zig zag Its all my craziness I dont think he realizes anything? with all he knows bout me He just thinks im nuts which i am but with reason
he is really showing no interest or caring if im dead or alive for instance ...I told him i did not find a place yet i was staying at a cheap dingy motel he made it quite clear I cannot crash at his place because of this new friend off the streets and the new friends girlfriend in a studio apt. I wasnt expecting to stay at his place anyway I dont want to see him w/ someone else romantically which would probably happen it happened already the day before i left the 1st time 3 months ago. So I dont want to deal with that
I really dont know what im saying anymore im just rambling while im writing this.

Im so so in love w/ this guy( before the sex truthfully...i wish the sex never happened its straining.)
I sometimes get the feeling he digs me and then I think im crazy for wasting my time but i cant help myself he has become a priority to me but I still have not seen him by my own choice and also because he dont call me back either I know hes busy working BUT i think its more than just work hes sounds pist off or turned off???

But I still think there are possibilities I just dont know how to go about them and im not ready to be over him yet either...nor do I want to lose any chances if any

HELP!

phillysteakandcheese · Mar 28, 2007, 03:42 PM

I'm sorry, but I think you were nothing more than the "sex toy of the night".

I think he wanted nothing more than to "get off"... and you were in the right place at the right time.

He'a already told you he's not into a gay relationship, but you still are hanging on to the dream that he will "open up to you" one day... And it's just not going to happen...

grammadidi · Mar 28, 2007, 04:22 PM

You need to let go totally. Outside of the fact that he isn't gay, he has shown little or no respect or caring for you. Besides, he obviously has a lot of problems (ie: mood swings, severe drinking habits, picking up friends off the streets, etc). You can do a LOT better. Get out and make a life for yourself and find someone who shares the same wants, likes, dislikes and desires as you.

Hugs, Didi

shygrneyzs · Mar 28, 2007, 04:40 PM

One of my friends has a brother who is like the guy you described. When he is sober, he is straight. When he is drunk, he can go either way and then regret it when he is sober and will argue to the death that he is straight. Although he accepts gifts from homosexuals, but states they are just friends. Oh well, whatever, as the saying goes.

But for you - let this guy be all by himself and to his own devices. There are guys out there who can and do feel just like you do and have the same orientation, without getting drunk. This guy is a bad apple in your barrel, so to speak. No good could ever come of it, no good at all. You will end up being used and abused and being this guy's patsy.

kate2 · Oct 22, 2007, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cactus830

Hey Im 33 yrs old i became fast friends w/ someone I have known for many years just did not know him personally. Hes 27yrs old very intelligent ,funny, tough, masculine and very very easy on the eyes but he also has severe mood swings(gemini) along w/ a severe drinking habit. As time went on I realized i was having these feelings for him which i felt for no other male or female Well I hate to say this ...but I regret telling him my feelings for him. At first he rejected me w/ an understanding and commending me for being this open He told me he loves women all kinds that bisexuality has crossed his mind but it was not his deal. Well im not as easy on the eyes then my friend in question im overweight posses some feminine traits which i try to control but i am what i am and I ave excepted this about myself... yet im only out to him and a close female friend who is a lesbian. Well my feelings are getting stronger w/ all i knew about my bud even though he is sexually active w/ woman usually drunk when he hooks up I noticed its all short term but always someone. But this one night after hanging out drinking and being goofy he made his move on me and i let it happen. he told (drunk) he was in love w/ me which made me very happy I felt very lucky. we then we had sex w/ each other (first time for me ever w/ a man and i assume my friends first time too). I expected the distance and awkwardness afterwards. He let me know it was to much booze and he is not gay, that night meant nothing to him he said he was grossed out afterwards...HE made the move on me i would never be that daring drunk or sober... you tell me your not attracted to me Im gonna respect your wishes and not make the 1st move but this is not the case.

After all the arguing and namecalling saying i was acting like we were a couple ???maybe i was i did not think i was acting like this I thought i was being accommodating. Then He askos me if we would be a good couple?... Im a little stunned still over all that went on.
Yes our friendship has had its rocky moments lately but i didnt know what to do except to run away. So instead of moving in with him as a roomamte in a 2 br apt I decided to decline. I left w/o saying a word He did call a few x shortly after I left but i did not answer the cell. I finally got in touch w/ him 3 weeks later he was so cold and nothing w/ me on the phone telling hes miserable hates work seeing this girl but it nothing they have nothing in common has a strange guy and his girlfriend living w/ him in a studio apt. Well fast forward 3 months Im back in the state where he is and I just cant get my self to see him I did finally ask him on the phone if we're still cool he said yes we were but i seem unleveled lately by taking off going here & there coming back zig zag Its all my craziness I dont think he realizes anything? with all he knows bout me He just thinks im nuts which i am but with reason
he is really showing no interest or caring if im dead or alive for instance ...I told him i did not find a place yet i was staying at a cheap dingy motel he made it quite clear I cannot crash at his place because of this new friend off the streets and the new friends girlfriend in a studio apt. I wasnt expecting to stay at his place anyway I dont want to see him w/ someone else romantically which would probably happen it happened already the day before i left the 1st time 3 months ago. So I dont want to deal with that
I really dont know what im saying anymore im just rambling while im writing this.

Im so so in love w/ this guy( before the sex truthfully...i wish the sex never happened its straining.)
I sometimes get the feeling he digs me and then I think im crazy for wasting my time but i cant help myself he has become a priority to me but I still have not seen him by my own choice and also because he dont call me back either I know hes busy working BUT i think its more than just work hes sounds pist off or turned off???

But I still think there are possibilities I just dont know how to go about them and im not ready to be over him yet either...nor do I want to lose any chances if any

HELP!

Hey sweetheart, I think your friend is terribly confused, You know what you wanted to happen and when it did I'm sure your feelings were confirmed no matter what the amount of alcohol. He wouldn't have done anything with you if he didn't "see you that way" Just remember it was a "first" for all. He may never get over it and feel guilty as heck for that night. You can't sort it for him he has to figure out everything himself. People have no idea that relationships between men and men are the most complicated because of emense social pressures. I have no real solution for you other than be kind to yourself if the whole idea of this guy is driving you crazy than distance your heart because his confusion could ruin you and what you might be able to give to a relationship in the future.

KelseyBom · Oct 24, 2007, 01:40 PM

Yeah...this guy is playing with your mind...he's abusive to you...you need to cuts ties with him NOW! It's not going to happen with him and he'll only hurt you more...you need to find someone who will love you back and not toy with your feelings...

chubi · Apr 15, 2008, 06:33 AM

Hey man, I feel with you cos I'm getting into the same experience. It's really vey hard to walk away that easy, u need great power to let go and it takes about two years to forget.
The fact is, as long as you keep meeting him, the longer you get yourself tortured.
How could you let him dig you! Now it is ever harder to forget, u mix sex and love which is the suprime relation.
May god helps you out.

cactus830 · Nov 11, 2008, 01:35 PM

close to 2 years have passed i have not seen him since i last posted or around that time. were still somewhat in touch but thats it i spoke to him 4 an hour or so on Halloween 08' very nice conversation but hen he told me he was living w/ his girlfriend. I know pathetic of im aware of this but im totally heartbroken but i will move on. thanks for all or your advise.
Cactus830

cactus830 · Nov 11, 2008, 01:40 PM

i have not felt anything that powerful since for anybody. I live in this fantasy land of im still functioning in life its my own personal fantasy that he'll come back some how be he wont.
and being what i am closeted which i know is not healthy but 2 of my friends know of this and my mom now.