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We have been dating about 3 years now, engaged almost a year. In August, talk of marriage, not detailed, but that it would happen. Last month or so, distancing himself, not interested in sex with me, just not the same. Tried talking a couple of times, got the jist that he loves me, but not in a marrying kind of way. Again, last night, talked and cried, he doesn't want to get married, can't make plans for the future because he doesn't see us together in the future. I'm at a loss for words! He cares for me and loves me, but not IN love with me. We have been through nothing but rough times since getting together, death of his mother, almost losing his father, his brother's death, financial failure, foreclosure, just to name a few things. Finally, the chance of at least a financial turnaround is here, and some pressures have been lifted . . . and now he wants out?!?! He can't give any reasons for why he doesn't love me enough, or in THAT way, to marry me. I've never thought we'd actually marry, didn't think he'd ever want to, and even though deep down I would love to, I gave up that it'd happen. I just wanted the relationship that a marriage is suppose to have, if that makes sense. What should I do? We are still "together", we live together, and I have nowhere to go and am unable to support myself. I'm not only speechless, but clueless.
You had stated that he wants out. How long do you think you can stay where your not wanted? I dont think I could stand it. Sounds like you want to doom yourself to your situation. This, I think, is not attactive. I would leave soon with some grace and pride.
If I had somewhere to go or means of support, I wouldn't sound so doomed. But at the same time, I don't want to throw in the towel just when things are starting to turn around, getting the monkey(s) off our backs. I feel like we have not truly had a chance at happiness for all the negativity that has been thrusted upon us, one obstacle after another with no breathing room. Is that really wrong?
One step at a time can get you in the right direction. Your still living there and it sounds like there still is some type of relationship even though he wont marry. Take this time to go out and find a job. Get established in the work force again. Find yourself. While doing this save some money for yourself. I see this helping in a couple areas. One being you wont be so dependent on him for everything. Another, what if the relationship does end? Now you have your own way of taking care of yourself and its not so scary.
Ask yourself this question. Are you trying to save this relationship because your scared, you have no way of taking care of yourself? If you didnt have to depend on him for a living would you be so willing to fight so hard for someone who isnt sure they love you?
I know that tough times can hold people together or push them apart, and even though we made it thru, it wasn't easy and most times questionable. That's why I think that with things lightening up that maybe we'd have a real chance to be happy. Is that silly?
Sunflower . . . thanks for your words. I have been trying to find a job with absolutely NO luck. If, say, I won the lottery (LOL) and didn't have to worry about support, I would still want to see this relationship through. Yes there would be less worry if I was to fly solo, but I know that there is something there, between us, that is worth fighting for or at least exploring. I'm unsure how to do either, or both.
Talaniman . . . we are both in late 30's, no kids of our own, he has a daughter
Maybe going through all these hard times you were his shoulder and his rock. Could it be now that things are back on track and he is maybe thinking more clearly he is realizing your relationship isnt what he wants? Sure tough times can bring people closer. But maybe his tough times made him realize he wants more or something else. Sounds like he had tunnel vision for awhile with all the problems and he wasnt focused on your relationship at the time.
that kind of sounds like me and my ex ( broke up yesterday). we have been together for 5 years. and i love her.. but i just wasnt IN LOVE with her anymore. she had alot of insecurities and trust issues which pushed me away. talk to him and ask if something you do is bothering him. good luck
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