In love with Younger Gay Man
Okays I'm a bit confused & so upset at same time unkinown where to turn.
I'm a straight woman who currently isnt getting alone with commonlaw husband at moment. Have fallin out of love with current commonlaw who is 36 years old. I've been with him 20 years or so . He doesnt want or like kids, plays on computer World of Warcraft wants to change for me but has ignored me for last 3 years or so. I've been alone & having nobody else to be with as in emotional connection. Still living with him currently as im a bit confused as to where my life is going we have no kids & after asking him several times to get married he still doesnt want to . I've asked for a better half of 10 years. He says he doesnt belive in marriage & wants to live with no piece of paper to show we are married even though we have been together this long. No kids at all even though I love kids. He also can be a bit of a controlling person telling me what to do...or when i talk too much he says thats enuff .
Also when I asked him to get fixed as in to have no kids he refused & said he wouldnt do it & I had to get either fixed or currently just had the painful procedure to have an IUD installed into me the ones that last 5 years. I also have just survived a blood clot which I almost died. He says every time then some serious has happened even that blood clot I would be fine. I cut my hand open & I realy needed stiches he said just out a band ad on it I would be fine. I lifted a air compressor which was way to heavy for me & he didnt help me & i injured my neck & shoulder & again he said I would be fine...im not fine after 4 months of accupuncture to be able to move my neck again im not fine.
My question is I have a good friend..im 37 years old & have been only with 4 men my entire life. The friend I have is a young gay man 19 years old who just got outta a bad relationship with a younger gay man who was 17 & was leadin him on for about half the year as a revenge thing. I took him up to see his ex & we all sat down & got to the bottom of things & then everything was good for a bit . After or before this happened he had let me know he is gay he is 19 & bigger 6'3 & 221 & suffers from elpicsha (he has lost all his hair except his beard <chin hair) & eyebrows. He is a big guy but is self concius abou the way he looks he doesnt take complments very well I gets very upset..I make postive ones & he gets mad at me sometimes I try to be helpful but he reminds me he doesnt like it so I try not to say anything. I always am postive around him when i was making the compliments. Anyways about a month after meeting him & talking to him via msn he didnt want to tell me but said he had feelings for me... After that we started to try & spend more time with each other & then one nite we were imitate <he made loe to me> as he has been with another woman before once. He told me he has been gay most of his life. Now because we he is younger we started to hang out more & ive seen him everyday now since this has happened. The sex is great but however he says we have rushed things to fast . I helped him cosign for a car as his mom is very strict & if she knew we ere imtimate i would be in trouble & so would he be so im not allowed to even met his parents or even his mom . He has met my mom but my mom is very upset that I helped pay for a car & for a 19 year old to own a 2002 car its just not good. His boss tells him im his sugar moma which i dont like to much. But after i got the car he is paying me back but a little at a time. He also can be quite immature at times hence the age. But it all came crashing down as we had a HUGE fight one day & he said he liked boys & wanted us to slow down he wanted us to be just more than friends ..I got very angry that day so angry that I wanted to hit him but couldnt so i puinched a trash can lid & almost broke my hand. As i have a bad temper like him. When he got mad too same day he puched the car & made his fingers bleed. He has said we need time apart but everytime that happens he calls me & we get together to do things like hang out. However my feelings for him are so deep that when he says the wrong thing to upset me i cry..im on an antidepressent as i was obsessed with my health from the blood clot. I also have morals & i dont sleep with anyone else I truely love them. He has told me he loves me but doesnt say it that much as he says he wants things to go slow & wants to see how things go. He says he still likes guys but sometimes he can say the worst things & sets me off & I cry I lve him so much it hurts me so much that I havent been eating or sleepin well since the HUGE fight which was over a month ago.
H e says he loves me but when he says he loves men im not to upset. He says if he finds someone i would be very upset & he says he would help me through it. I currently living with my commonlaw & i dont wish to tell him.. Im so upset it hurts so much that i get anixety attacks /cant sleep & havent been eating food very much...mostly living on energy drinks.
Im so in love with him more so than my commonlaw as i have this connection with the younger gay guy. He says he cares for me so deeply but is afriad of change. There is a 18 year differnec between us but something has been lost as we rushed into things & now im so sad i may have lost the best thing that has happened to em I dont know what to do...
Im locked into a finacial thing with him for 4 years but im so afriad my mom says to take the car away from him but i love him so i just dont know what to do. I feel if anything else happens between me & the young gay man something very bad I may kill myself as I see currently nothing I can do. He tells me I should change by leaving husband & starting over but if young gay man leave me even though I paid for everything other than it will take him awhile to pay me back im sacred I dont want to be alone. He <gay man> says I should take charge of my life but he also should take charge of his life. I'm so confused & scared & very very sad. I tried counseling & it hasnt helped. I dont know what else to do my feelings are very strong for gay man & I sometimes wish i was a man to be with him.
help if you can no where else to turn.
Very sad & confused
Ive known him 5 months bee n with him 3 months
And never had this deep feelings for anyone not even coomonlaw..I also feel very ill when im with commonlaw mentallity I feel sick to my stomach when commonlaw is intimate with me it seems all he wants me for is sick <commonlaw> & trs to buy my love back.
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