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I am a 20 year old male, gay, and I am hopelessly in love with my roommate of three years. He, unfortunately, has all the symptoms of straightness. Most importantly, he has a girlfriend who he loves to have sex with.. I think. Through the years, he has become my best friend. he knows I'm gay and I have accepted that I shouldn't look for a relationship in his direction. That was all nice and fine until school let out this summer and we decided to rent a house together. his girlfriend took and internship in another state and he sees her maybe once every two weeks. Since the beginning of May, he has started to act really flirty with me and unfortunately it is working and I'm starting to fall for him in a way I haven't in a few years.
He always sits next to me with some part of his body touching me. Sometimes he randomly grabs me from behind and tells me he loves me. Sometimes he'll just sit in my lap. He gives me a lot of attention and the first thing he does when he gets home is find me and ask me what I want to do with him that afternoon. A few days he opened up to me about a couple of things he never told me before including that he didn't want to go see his girlfriend this weekend. He said it was too much of a hassle and he'd just rather stay here.
Anyway, as the weeks wore on, I started to get more and more hopeful about the possibility of something forming between us. Then all of a sudden, two days ago, he withdrew. Then his girlfriend came over to surprise him and he spent the whole weekend with her making sex sounds in their room. I hadn't realized that I had gotten so attached to him. it actually hurt me hearing those sounds on the way to the bathroom.
What should I do? I don't think I have the will power required to avoid him. He'll sense it anyway and try to get me to go out with him or something which I'll do without thinking.
Ugh, I'm in a similar situation. It's really hard to read "straight" guys because there is always a doubt about their sexuality. Unfortunately, avoiding your guy is like sneaking in after curfew, you are doomed to fail. I'd suggest that if you haven't gotten over it by the time your lease is up, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
You should tell him to keep it down in the bedroom, too. It is very inconsiderate to have loud sex while others are in earshot, especially since he's been hitting on you.
One quick question: how did he "withdraw" from you?
I just signed up for another year of living with him.
He isn't loud in the bedroom, I just heard a soft moan, but I mean it still hurts.
By withdraw, I mean that I had become used to him always sitting next to me. I would sit anywhere and be doing anything and he would eventually be curled up around me, leaning on me, or just simply sitting there touching me. He hasn't done that at all in the last two or three days. It wouldn't be noticeable if it wasn't something that became so common. Also it seemed like he didn't want to go out to eat alone with me last Friday.
Time for the hard talk, and maybe some hard decisions, as if something will not happen, you will need to know so you can decide if living together with one who is unavailable can be done. I imagine with your feelings, it would be hard to live together, and not get the same feelings back that you want to give.
Ouch, that year-long extension may have been a mistake. Try to keep a busy schedule so you don't see him as much. Date others frequently, whether or not you want to. Dating will do two things, show you there are other fish in the sea and keep you away from this guy. I hate to say avoid him, but creating space is the only way you'll get over him.
If he ends up coming out-and wanting to get with you-great for you! Just be careful since you live together. If it doesn't work out, you'll either have to live with him 'til your lease is up or go through the hassle of subleasing (it's awful!!!).
Thanks. I was considering just talking to him about it before I decide to just up and avoid him. I have been dating other guys on and off during the time I knew him, but I have to admit, he was at the forefront of my mind all the time. He is my best friend after all. We more than get along, we are pretty much two sides of the same coin. Pulling myself away from him will be pretty hard. I mean I do love him and he does love me. Whether its romantic or not is anyone's guess.
I know what you mean. I'm in a similar situation. When I'm around my friend that I have a crush on, it just seems right. I try to keep my distance now because I know that if I'm around him, I'll only like him more.
Hold on honey...he sat in your lap? I am seriously questioning he sexuality; are you sure he is straight. It sounds to me like he was maybe being himself around you when his girlfriend was not around but when she came around again he "withdrew" in order to hide his feelings. If he is your best friend a talk about this would not harm your relationship, especially if he has been giving you mixed messages. I'm no expert on this type of situation but this all adds up to me...Good luck and let us know how it goes!
He, unfortunately, has all the symptoms of straightness.
Symptoms? Do gay guys have symptoms?
I could go Republican, Church-loving right-wing on you and claim homosexuality is an illness you need to be cured of, but I'm just playing around...
Anyway you really need to just ask him. Whatever answer he gives, that's what you'll have to live with (even if he tells you he's straight and you think he might be in the closet, it doesn't matter until he admits to YOU he's gay).
--huno
P.S.: so... symptoms, eh? What are the symptoms of heterosexuality, anyway?
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