I am a 20 year old male, gay, and I am hopelessly in love with my roommate of three years. He, unfortunately, has all the symptoms of straightness. Most importantly, he has a girlfriend who he loves to have sex with.. I think. Through the years, he has become my best friend. he knows I'm gay and I have accepted that I shouldn't look for a relationship in his direction. That was all nice and fine until school let out this summer and we decided to rent a house together. his girlfriend took and internship in another state and he sees her maybe once every two weeks. Since the beginning of May, he has started to act really flirty with me and unfortunately it is working and I'm starting to fall for him in a way I haven't in a few years.

He always sits next to me with some part of his body touching me. Sometimes he randomly grabs me from behind and tells me he loves me. Sometimes he'll just sit in my lap. He gives me a lot of attention and the first thing he does when he gets home is find me and ask me what I want to do with him that afternoon. A few days he opened up to me about a couple of things he never told me before including that he didn't want to go see his girlfriend this weekend. He said it was too much of a hassle and he'd just rather stay here.

Anyway, as the weeks wore on, I started to get more and more hopeful about the possibility of something forming between us. Then all of a sudden, two days ago, he withdrew. Then his girlfriend came over to surprise him and he spent the whole weekend with her making sex sounds in their room. I hadn't realized that I had gotten so attached to him. it actually hurt me hearing those sounds on the way to the bathroom.

What should I do? I don't think I have the will power required to avoid him. He'll sense it anyway and try to get me to go out with him or something which I'll do without thinking.

Synder

I walked into him room a second ago. It went like this. I might be fun to make it into a short story. (I'll call myself Michael and him Jason)

Another day and i hadn't spent any time with Jason at all. I came downstairs looking for him, but his door was closed. It was unusual for it to be this way and it usually meant that he was either going to bed or he didn't want people to walk in on him. I figured whatever it was, I should still go see him.

I placed my ear softly against the door partly so I could gather myself and partly I could hear what was going on on the other side. After all, he could be on the phone. I couldn't hear anything but some comedian and a laugh track coming from the TV so I knocked softly. Somehow I put a lot of emotion into those three knocks. They were soft and subtle like the way I showed him I loved him.

"Hey Mike? Its okay, you can come in." he says and I open the door. He is lying across his bed without a shirt. At least that explains the closed door somewhat It is the way he usually is before bed.

"You getting ready for bed?" I ask the obvious.

"Yeah. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should take out my contacts or not." He says with a smile.

"You probably should. They always hurt your eyes when you keep them on too late." I say.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I just don't want to get up," he says and I offer a quick chuckle at his smile as he struggles to move. That smile makes me forget what I came here to say.

"Well I'll let you get to bed. Good night." I say.

"Goodnight Mike." With that I walk out of the door and make it 10 feet down the hall to my room before I think and turn back. This time I just open the door. It looks like he was successful in moving and he's at his desk looking at something on his computer. I move to take a seat on his bed.

"Hey, Jason." I say unsure exactly how to continue.

"Yeah?" he says and turns to face me.

"Do you want to see that movie you wanted to see with me tomorrow?" I ask. The room is silent for a moment as he gets up and makes that face he so characteristically makes when he thinks about something really hard.

"I guess I should be able to," he finally says. I wonder what made him think so hard. He is free every afternoon and the movie would be on my computer, but I decide not to think about it.

"Its just that I haven't seen a lot of you lately," I say which is met by another silence so I continue. "I mean some of it is probably because I've been busy." I mentally kick myself. Thats not the reason. I wait for his response though.

"Yeah," he says and pauses. "It happens I guess." I inwardly sigh. He changes the topic and he and I talk for a few minutes about the weekend. We both co-lead a club and we are hosting an activity. After a few minutes of banter he says he is ready to go to bed.

"Okay," I say and I get up..

"Mike," he says. His voice is different, softer. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay."

"Night Mike."

"Night." I say. I figure tomorrow will be another day.

Synder

I have no idea what straight people do or want to do. All I know is that I know are my feelings and that all my friends are comfortable with me. Homophobia isn't really a problem, but everyone has his limits of course. My friend doesn't have many though. He said so himself. "You know me, I'll do about anything," he said referring to with a guy.

Kattalover

Such a wonderful story! I hope it'll have a happy ending!!!!!! *crosses fingers really, really, really hard*

Kattalover

I don't know... If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't sit in your lap unless I wanted to be more than roommates! But I'm a 44-year old straight woman, so I have no clue what motivates your guy's behavior. Is he this affectionate with everybody?

Synder

For me, I always had feelings for guys before I knew there was such a thing as gay. I was one of those kids who didn't know anything about sex or sexuality until about 12. People always called me gay but I never stopped to think about it until one of my closer friends called me gay (after dry humping me in my bedroom of course). I yelled at him that I wasn't and that I didn't want to do anymore stuff with him. Looking back, its odd. I regret saying that now, but I was a kid. I know that deep down, I liked the stuff we did and I guess its because every time I was called gay was an insult why I reacted that way. It was about 5 years before I came out after that.

I got called gay the whole time of course and some people asked me to do stuff with them which i always turned down. I even got myself a girlfriend to put the matter to rest. I would have had sex with her to if I could have held interest in the idea long enough to follow through. It seems like once she said yes, the novelty passed and I didn't really want to. Of course that had to do partly with my shyness about being naked with other people. I didn't have the sex drive to get me over that hump. No pun intended.

As soon as I stopped thinking I was bi, I came out in a flash. The world knew by the next Tuesday, but I'm not like most people. My parents haven't gotten over it and my extended family has called me pretty crappy things, but that didn't really stop me. With my friend, I thinkinghe would face a lot more resistance from home than I did and he already has a pretty tough home life.

Synder

To be honest, he's affectionate with a few of our friends in the past. Only the guys though. During the last few years I've learned not to tell him who I think was gay among our friends because his immediate reaction would be to flirt (I should get to do that before him if at all!). I think some part of him likes the attention he gets and I guess with guys, he doesn't have to worry about a relationship. That doesn't exclude him being gay of course. The point is that he likes to flirt and be flirted with.

Kattalover

Oh dear, that must make it even more confusing for you!

I find it odd that a 100% straight guy would flirt with other guys, but I guess it depends on what you consider "flirting".

I wish I had a clever suggestions for you at this point. Alas, I don't! *sighs* All I can do is wish you the best of luck!

Synder

Thanks

Synder

I gave up on him as of today. I'm free yay!

americangayboy

What happened? Did you end up talking to him about his behavior? Give us the dish!