Is there anyone out there that can help stop my heart from being in love with a married man. Have been having an affair with my boss for 2 years now. Guess I really can't call it an affair. Never takes me anywhere and never buys me stuff for Christmas, Valentine's or Birthday. Best word for it would be f**k buddies, sadly. Anyway, the lust is gone and now my emotions are trying to take over. I want him, I love him and now have become sad and blue and all alone. Everything I have checked out on the web about married men is true. I know, deep down, I deserve more and better than this. He stepped into my life when I was very alone and not feeling very desireable. Any words would be appreciated.

NowWhat

I know you are here for advice, although I think you know what you should do - But I have a question for you -

When you first met this man - Did it ever bother you that he was married? Did you notice the ring on his finger? Does the commitment and bond of marriage mean anything to you?

I am asking you these questions - not to judge you - but to TRY and understand what you were thinking before you stepped into adultery.
I have been the wife in this scenario and it is so hard to understand what is going through the mind of "the other woman" - Do you ever really expect this kind of relationship to workout?

talaniman

I honestly think the other woman is a victim of a predator, the cheating, lying, no caring husbands. There may be a lot that of females that know what they are doing and don't care, but I think a lot of them have severe problems that prevent them from making good decisions.

NowWhat

You know, I don't know that I could say that the other woman is a victim. If the fact that the man is married is known from the begining - she had the choice to either start something or walk away. No one is making them answer their doors and have a quickie with man before he goes home to his wife.
***I AM NOT saying that the married man is innocent AT ALL*** I am saying that when an affair is started - choices are made on both sides.
And, I do agree that some have bad problems - but it doesn't take away the gravity of what 2 people in an affair are doing to a host of other people.

jbrandsr

I am a man and from my perspective I suggest you break the relationship off because, a slong as you allow him to continue the relationship at the rate its going you are going to come up very short. A REAL RELATIONSHIP takes a man and a woman committing to each other. What we are suggesting will be difficult but it has to be done. I hope you find yourself a more meaningful relationship with a guy who loves you very much.

louie1

snap i am in the same boat honey!

thing is i am now going through divorce proceedings and he is still going home to his family at weekends.We have been seeing each other for a year and drive each other to distraction with the depth of our feelings.I cannot ansa why he has not drummed up the courage to leave but it is one excuse after another, his son is taking his exams, his wife is ill.We have both lost people over the last year and to me that should tell us that life is too short but he still stumbles.I know that i will eventually give up hope and probably just at the time he is ready to commit, we also have a 13 year age gap which makes it difficult as his wife has convinced him i will leave him as he gets older.

what will be will be live each day as if it were your last and enjoy/ absorb every second you get together it is very rare to experience a love that drives you to so much distraction.

My man gave me an analogy the other day which moved me to tears i shall share it with you as it might help,


When he and i came back to the uk from our week in the states we decided to go for a swim, problem was we stood at the edge of the pool and realised that neither of us could, eventually i pluck up the courage and jump in the pool ( this is when i asked my husband to leave) i splash around as i cannot swim ( the struggle of the divorce) all the while my new man stands at the side of the pool ( stunned at the affect our relationship is having on others) i eventually learn to swim and swim to the other end of the pool , he stands at the edge in pure pain watching me swim away ( the feeling of uselessness as he cannot heal the pain my family are feeling at being torn apart) eventually i climb out of the pool and walk away, he writhing with pain at being so far away jumps into the pool and instantly swims , panicking at every stroke as he reaches the other end i am gone!


good luck with all you do but sadly i fear we will both be let down.

herringelizabeth

does he have children? if he doesnt then. if you know were he lives,and his wife is home tell her that her husband is going out to eat,then say so you can go get a tan. dont say but do this get on a braw and thongs,and when he gets home{ he really wasnt at a place to eat.} try too have sex, and see if he likes your body?

chobitsfan13

I'm sorry and I know you know this but he really isn't the one for you. I'm gonna be honest, I dont know how you feel but I know you feel crappy right now I'm sorry. Gosh he is so not worth it. That loser.

smoothy

Something I guess I missed. If you had sex and if there is an emotional component to this...its an affair, no two ways around it. Like I said earlier, its best to end it cold turkey, before it causes either of you problems you don't need or want.

lindeelouky

I had an affair from the age of 24 till 32 with a married man. I am also currently seeing someone who is married, but not as serious as it was before. I know that I have a problem with relationships, since I seem to be overly attracted to the already married man. Perhaps it is because I know not to expect much so I'll never get my heart broken or be disappointed. Afraid to let myself be hurt, which is what can happen in a "normal" relationship. I've had my heart terribly broken by a man I lived with for 8 years.
As far as the married man goes, my married man smothered me with gifts, mink coat, rolex watch, car, clothes, money, you name it. It was however,as though he had bought an paid for me, and I just had to accept it and enjoy it for what it is. I would never go back and change things, as I got five trips to Europe out of it. If you would just take advice from someone who has been there...Do not expect anything. He is not going to leave his wife. He will keep using you for as long as you allow it. If you are getting nothing out of it, I'd move along. He cheated on his wife, and very slickly. He will cheat on you too as soon as he is sufficiently bored. It's only a matter of time, Save Yourself
and get out while you are still young. I spent many years being secretive, avoiding friends and protecting him. Now, I am 50, unmarried, no children and wonder what my life might have been like if I had been in a normal relationship.

Emland

Get yourself a fresh manicure and new outfit. Print out a new resume and find a new job and get out of there. Start now.

You are allowing yourself to be used and only you can stop it. You are worth more than this and deserve more than he will give you. Go out there and get it.