I met this man over twenty years ago and I was already married. He and I worked together during this time and he fell in love with me. I believe I felt the same way, but I was committed to my marriage. He eventually got married, but we never stopped talking and eventually we told each other how we felt. We were both married and had children. We never did anything but talk. Now, I am divorced and he and I are talking again. He is still married, but we can't go more than two hours without talking. This love we have for each other is the strongest bond I have ever known, except with my children. I feel like a bad person because I can't stop loving him. I have never cheated on my husband and he has never cheated on his wife, but we want to be together. We don't want to hurt his wife because she is a wonderful person and they have had a pretty good marriage. My marriage was awful. We don't know what to do. Any suggestions.

talaniman

It seems to me that since you are the one making bad decisions and doing the wrong things that you are the one that is hateful, and until you get healthy, as I have suggested, you will never move on to a hearthier lifestyle. Make better decisions.

talaniman

Your right you cannot choose who you love, but you can choose your actions. You have made a bad choice, but it is up to you to listen to a liar and a cheater or not!!!!!

Blueyezz

Sizetack I have sent you a PM if you're still about. Hope it helps!!

To everyone that has posted a helpful reply - its great that you care.

To those who haven’t, please understand that this woman is in pain and needs help, that’s why she has posted!!

She doesn’t need a moral lecture, as I’m sure she has and is giving herself plenty of those already.

She is emotionally vulnerable and even though you may have strong opinions – why not offer her helpful words to try and help her heal .. and not hurtful words which will continue making her hurt!

talaniman

She is supposed to hurt. She made a choice that has brought her misery and pain, and this is the consequenses of her actions. She will suffer until she empowers herself to make healthier choices.

justthinking

Ask him this... Does he love his wife? Not love her because she is his wife, but love her for the persoon she is? Is she the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with? If you weren't in the picture, would he be happy with her? If he is with her because she is "nice" and he "doesn't want to hurt her", is he really doing her any favors by staying? Is that why you would want your spouse to stay with you? And if in fact he does love her, then you two need to end your relationship because YOU are the one who will be hurt.

fialochka

I just want to say - that if I was your child- I would really care for you to be happy. I would rather see my mum with another man , may be not even my dad- but happy and loved.
My parents lived together for 20 years, my mum has never cheated and never even looked at other men, but all this time i felt she was unhappy, because she was in love with another man- someone she met before my dad, but they were never together. My mum had no contact with him, so there was no emotional adultery- or what so ever. But there was just some emptiness in her marriage with my dad. I love my dad madly and I love my mum, but i felt it all my life- that something was missing there. I guess that sometimes life puts you in relationships, in which you are supposed to stay- for children, for somebody else, for somebody else's children and somebody else's feelings- but it's true- life is soooo short- and we shouldn't forget about ourselves too. Its just as painful and damaging to lie to yourself all your life.
I do think though that this married man should be honest about your love if he really loves you. If he wanted to see you and not his wonderful wife when he was very sick- its also for him to decide who he wants to be with the rest of his life.
I don't think you are a bad person, i think you are someone who has suffered a lot and i wish you so much strength and wisdom to get out of this situation somehow and I am so sure that one day you will be rewarded for your unconditional love and for all your pain and you will find a relief!
all my best wishes to you

heartbrokinbama

Why should she stop doing what makes her happy... It must make him happy too. His marriage isn't so great if he is leading her on. I say fight for what you want. I too have been seeing a married man for 7 months. I am also married. It is very hard to be in this place. Real life "Fairy Tales" rarely happen. I think we should live each day as it was the last.

chuff

If being a homewrecker makes her happy then she obviously has issues that go deeper then being a doormat waiting for 2 hours here and there for him to come around.

That or maybe he's just a loser that can't commit.

So we should take advice from a cheater and a homewrecker? When I've got problems I don't look down when I'm trying to move up.

As a loyal, caring man who has never cheated I'm going to say it's very easy to be in that place. It's hard to stick it out and make it work when the times get tough and even if it ends show some kind of respect towards the relationship or the idea of what a marriage should be by not seeing someone else until the divorce happens.

Did you empty your bank account and run up your credit cards on a spending spree today then?

fialochka

why is everyone so incredibly brutal here?


if people are thinking here that the "emotional adultery" counts, then may be an "emotional divorce" should count too...

chuff

The truth can be very brutal.