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I met this man over twenty years ago and I was already married. He and I worked together during this time and he fell in love with me. I believe I felt the same way, but I was committed to my marriage. He eventually got married, but we never stopped talking and eventually we told each other how we felt. We were both married and had children. We never did anything but talk. Now, I am divorced and he and I are talking again. He is still married, but we can't go more than two hours without talking. This love we have for each other is the strongest bond I have ever known, except with my children. I feel like a bad person because I can't stop loving him. I have never cheated on my husband and he has never cheated on his wife, but we want to be together. We don't want to hurt his wife because she is a wonderful person and they have had a pretty good marriage. My marriage was awful. We don't know what to do. Any suggestions.
isay just tryand stay away from this man he is MARRIESD with CHILDREN you can not just fall in love with a man who is married and think that it is gonna be happy, and this man is a disgrace. you both say his wife is wounderfull and you dont want to hurt her but your willin to risk breaking her heart by taken her husband, and if him and his wife ever part then you can both have all the time tospend together untill then STAY away
Thank you all for your advice. As for family, I lost both parents two years ago. I do not have any family that I can talk to. I know this may be hard to understand, but my ex-husband kept me isolated from others, so I really don't have close friends. My parents were my rock. As far as his wife goes, I have called his wife and apologized to her for having these feelings, not recently but several years ago. I did what you all said to do. I had no contact with him and I stayed away. My mother and father knew that we had feelings for each other, but they also knew I would never act on them. If I have learned one thing in my life it is to never say never. Some of you said you would NEVER do anything like this because you don't believe in it. I don't either! We are all human and make mistakes. I was a faithful wife to my husband and I told him about this man. He knew that I cared about him, but that I chose to stay with him. I stayed because I had small children. I would have left because of my abuse. He never was abusive to anyone but me. I am a christian, but I also am truthful and honest about my feelings and faults. I know this is wrong and I am trying to make this right, but by making me look like a bad woman or the antichrist isn't helping. This really happens to good people and that is why it is hard to understand and explain. I posted because I have no one to talk to. None of you needed to tell me it is wrong, I already knew that. I guess I was wanting to see how other "good" people deal with this. Instead I have been hurt. I apologize for posting.
Thank you all for your advice. As for family, I lost both parents two years ago. I do not have any family that I can talk to. I know this may be hard to understand, but my ex-husband kept me isolated from others, so I really don't have close friends. My parents were my rock. As far as his wife goes, I have called his wife and apologized to her for having these feelings, not recently but several years ago. I did what you all said to do. I had no contact with him and I stayed away. My mother and father knew that we had feelings for each other, but they also knew I would never act on them. If I have learned one thing in my life it is to never say never. Some of you said you would NEVER do anything like this because you don't believe in it. I don't either! We are all human and make mistakes. I was a faithful wife to my husband and I told him about this man. He knew that I cared about him, but that I chose to stay with him. I stayed because I had small children. I would have left because of my abuse. He never was abusive to anyone but me. I am a christian, but I also am truthful and honest about my feelings and faults. I know this is wrong and I am trying to make this right, but by making me look like a bad woman or the antichrist isn't helping. This really happens to good people and that is why it is hard to understand and explain. I posted because I have no one to talk to. None of you needed to tell me it is wrong, I already knew that. I guess I was wanting to see how other "good" people deal with this. Instead I have been hurt. I apologize for posting.
I must ask how you know that we have never been through this.
There is no need to apologize for posting. Some of us ahve been in your shoes and are posting from the lessons we have learned.
I was the wife who was cheated on, both emotionally and sexually. So, yes, I sound like a woman scorned, and I am.
However, sometimes the truth hurts. There is no reason to make excuses like you are. I understand feelings run deep, and yours are. Feelings are normal, natural, and necessary for life.
It is not hard for me to understand isolation, since I have lived it up until recently, and am now, after 15 years beginning to develop friendships. However, I have learned to be my own rock. That is necessary in survival of the fittest.
I truly feel for your situation, really I do. But you do have to do what we all have said and break all ties. NO CONTACT.
It seems as though you may need to get a new support system, new friends... You are out of that abusive situation now.... you can do better for yourself now.
You are "friends" with a married man... not good.. you know that and we know that.
Please do not fall into that catagory of "the other woman." It is worse than you can imagine!!!!!!!
we all feel your pain..its not easy and it needs lots of courage and sacrifices..
but u know..one day when this is all over...u may look back and smiled...that u are able to get through this...
Thank you all for your advice. As for family, I lost both parents two years ago. I do not have any family that I can talk to. I know this may be hard to understand, but my ex-husband kept me isolated from others, so I really don't have close friends. My parents were my rock. As far as his wife goes, I have called his wife and apologized to her for having these feelings, not recently but several years ago. I did what you all said to do. I had no contact with him and I stayed away. My mother and father knew that we had feelings for each other, but they also knew I would never act on them. If I have learned one thing in my life it is to never say never. Some of you said you would NEVER do anything like this because you don't believe in it. I don't either! We are all human and make mistakes. I was a faithful wife to my husband and I told him about this man. He knew that I cared about him, but that I chose to stay with him. I stayed because I had small children. I would have left because of my abuse. He never was abusive to anyone but me. I am a christian, but I also am truthful and honest about my feelings and faults. I know this is wrong and I am trying to make this right, but by making me look like a bad woman or the antichrist isn't helping. This really happens to good people and that is why it is hard to understand and explain. I posted because I have no one to talk to. None of you needed to tell me it is wrong, I already knew that. I guess I was wanting to see how other "good" people deal with this. Instead I have been hurt. I apologize for posting.
First off, I am sorry to hear that you have no close friends and family to turn to. I know that I or anyone else here knows what your life has been like. I am sorry if I have come off too strong about people. I left my husband of 5 years because he was having an affair so like J9... I am a woman scorned also. Maybe I was just taking my anger out on you!
Now you know what to do and I hope you stick with it and move on and find a healthy relationship. I truly am sorry for coming off as "too aggressive" and I hope you don't think I insinuated that you are "anti-christ". I know everyone makes mistakes, we just need to learn from them.
Good Luck to you and finding a healthy relationship! Please keep us posted!!
i am so sorry if my message hurt you in anyway i never new the exstent of how your feeling, as a married woman with a child i assumed you was one of these woman that just take peoples husband's without thinking of concoquices but i can see this sistuation is alot deeper i see you are very low at the moment so i appoligize for my message before please KEEP strong there is allways someone out there for someone
Find a nice available man - they are out there - give him a chance to create those sparks.
This guy is totally unavaialble, and most likely would like you to be his mistress.
And don't tell you have this great conection - I've seen this a million times before. You LIKE him because he's a huge challenge. He likes the fact he can like and cheat with some one totally willing!
Dear Sizetack
My heart goes out to you
I am in a similar position. Life is short and when you meet your soulmate I feel this may morally override marriage, as so many people marry for the wrong reason. While it is important to honour other people's commitments, especialy when there are children involved, it is also important to honour yourself, your soul and this man's soul. Some say that nothing happens by chance. When one soul is strongy drawn to another, it happens so we can love one another and grow spiritually. It is a positive force and needs to be treasured. No one owns another person, even in marriage. If the two of you are so profoundy drawn to each other then you are already 'married' spiritually. This needs to be balanced by respect, love and kindness to the other peope involved, ie his wife and chidren, but remeber they do not own him. Remember his children will in the future become married and may face similar dilemmas. People need to be free to make decisions and be themseves, but this needs to be balanced with kindness and love to all.
The answer is not easy and there is right answer, only different consequnces. Also remeber that this man needs to make his own decisions about who he wil love. YOu are not responsibe for him being drawn to you.
Love Lana:
I have been in this position as "the other women" and I will tell you hunny, its not a nice place to be...To find out that your husband has "fallen" in love with another women is heartbreaking.....
If their marriage is over then they will get a divorce, but their marriage doesnt seem to be over, and I think you should respect that...
Move on...Tell him that you will be there if and when he ever leaves his wife, but never give him an ultimatum or make him think that you want him to leave her.
I have similar situation in my life, so I can relate to what you're going through. I met a man 21 years ago, when I was single and just out of college. When we first laid eyes on each other, my heart felt like it burst out of my chest and I felt like I had known this man forever, even though I'd never seen him before. (He had just gotten back with his wife after a mutual separation back then.) Well in the past 21 years, I've been married and divorced, he separated and got back together again with his wife, and we've been there for each other to support and help each other through life's problems. I still feel that same "soul connection" with him that I felt 21 years ago and I believe he does too. Up until to now, we are just friends and have discussed many times that leaving a marriage for someone else never works. I've dated a lot since my divorce 10 years ago, but still haven't found someone who I feel that "soul connection" with like with this man. We've gone years without speaking to each other but always somehow seem to literally run into each other around town. It just reunites that feeling again that I had 21 years ago and I just have to let it go, which is so hard. However, I know that if we ever did wind up together, I'd want him to be 100% sure that his marriage was over and that he spent enough time on his own to grieve the end of his marriage. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but for some reason this man was put into my life, so I have to work through this and figure out how it can contribute to my growth as a person.
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