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7 months ago I ran into my old boyfriend, who I havn't seen for 25 years. He was my boyfriend when I was 15-17 years old. At the time we broke up I when we were teenagers, he wanted it to be more serious and I, being only 17 was afraid of talking about
getting married and so forth. I had heard about him a few times between then and now, I
was told by a few people that even years later he asked about me and said he couldn't get
me out of his mind. I too, thought about him alot over the years, and regretted hastily
breaking up with him. Well, the years go by, and I have been married (15 years) and
divorced, he is on his 2nd marriage. His 1st marriage only lasted a few years, his current
marriage is going on over 15 years now. I have also heard from several people that his
current wife is very possessive of him and has alot of problems, including threatening suicide, having 2 afairs (that he knows about) etc... Anyway, when I saw him again it was
obvious that the feelings were still there for us both. When we hugged, neither one of us
wanted to let go. As dramatic as this may sound, I actually felt like I found a missing piece of myself. We exchanged emails and have been in touch ever since. We have met
in person a few times durring lunch and after work. We can talk for hours and be happy
just holding each other. We talk about everything on email, from every day things, our kids, and how we feel about each other. Neither one of us knows what to do. I know this is obviously wrong, and hearing about and knowing people having affairs with married men, before this happened to me, my advise was always to just get out of it and stop it.
Having an affair with a married man is something that will only get people hurt. These things do happen, my best friend actually got back together with her old boyfriend from high school, while she was still married, she got divorced and married her old high school boyfriend, they have been married 17 years now. I feel like an idiot not, believing I would never let myself get into a situation like this. But it's here, it's happening and I don't know what to do. One thing I havn't mentioned yet is that I have been with the same man now for almost 6 years. We have a great relationship, and without him knowing it, I have screwed that up! The old boyfriend that I am, I guess I could say having an affair with has been talking about divorcing his wife, he says they have always had problems and he wants to be with me. I know I sound like the idiot, in love with a married man who realistically may never leave his wife. I would like advise please, mostly from people who have experienced the same thing, not just having an affair like this, but with an old love. Hopefully there is someone out there who can give me advise, good or bad and maybe share their experience.
You have missed the whole point. No body is advocating womanizing and affairs. We are talking about whether a person has the right to be with the love of ther life or to at least explore that possibity. None of you have convinced me of anything other than you believe everybody should live by your own standards and moral judgments. Our country is great because it allows for not only freedom of expression but freedom of thought. You can have any opinion you choose on the matter. But don't think for a second that your position is absolutely correct or the other person's absolutely incorrect. And I still don't see how anybody can possibly tell somebody else what they should or should not do with their lives. You can only speak for yourselves.
So you would be fine if your wife had freedom of expression with another man??
Oh and by posting here you ask for opinons of others. It is up to sand to do with those opinons as she likes.
ANDY::::::::Cheating leads to lying, then you have to cover up lies, then you have to go behind loved ones back (tell me that doesn't affect them) then you have to have untrue feelings for someone and keep those up, you hurt people when you cheat, you hurt yourself because it is immoral, it is wrong. Sheesh the guilt alone would kill me, if my husband didn't first!! (he would just leave me) but i was trying to get my point across. On the other hand, if you and your partner decide that you are going to see other people, well then go for it, but don't lie about it. You are in some sort of denial. Have a great day. Start
I am unclear as to, did talking to your ex, break up your relationship with your b/f, or did your ex fill a need after the break up??? Either way don't listen to his rap, and think of wasting any time and effort to this ex. He is not worth the misery and pain, and as a single female your options are limitless, and can be much healthier and full filled in a relationship without baggage, than worry about what the ex will do in his future. If you cannot handle just friends with the ex, and deal with the unrealistic temptation for more, then leave him alone, and enjoy being healthy, happy, and single.
Geeze. I do not advocate lying or cheating. I am simply not being judgmental like so many of you. Its all well and good to tell somebody to get over the love of their life, but its not so easy to do. Additionally, telling somebody to stay in a poor marriage for the children is the worst kind of advice, because in the end the poor marriage hurts the children more than a divorce would. Every person needs to decide what is best for them without being judged by those who simply have so little understanding of what the heck is going on. But I do agree on one thing. Leading a double life is no way to live. You can't have a healthy relationship with a spouse if you are in love with another person.
Geeze. I do not advocate lying or cheating. I am simply not being judgmental like so many of you. Its all well and good to tell somebody to get over the love of their life, but its not so easy to do. Additionally, telling somebody to stay in a poor marriage for the children is the worst kind of advice, because in the end the poor marriage hurts the children more than a divorce would. Every person needs to decide what is best for them without being judged by those who simply have so little understanding of what the heck is going on. But I do agree on one thing. Leading a double life is no way to live. You can't have a healthy relationship with a spouse if you are in love with another person.
The last three sentences are what we Judgemental freaks were saying all along, I think you like the light buddy!
I think it is best that you come out and put everything on the table. If this man loves you and wants to be with you he needs to leave his wife. When he is divorced then you should get back together. Being with a married man just aint right. You will feel better about yourself and your relationship if you do this the right way. You don't want to be a home wrecker.
i haven't read all the answers to your dilema sand_32 but i respect you (and from what i have read destiny1981) for being honest and sharing your experience with us, i'm sure it will help many. In my life i can only learn from people who have had a similar experience to me and through them sharing their experience i can learn and make hopefully good decisions. Not that i am a religous person but i like the spiritual principals taught in the bible and when confronted with the 'woman caught in adultery' with the crowd accusing her and wishing to stone her to death, jesus said.. "He who is without sin cast the first stone!"
Well all I can say is that I am hoping you read this...I am in almost the same exact situation. I agree 110% with the fact that I don't know how I got here and I never would have thought that I would be having an affair. I too am having an affair with my married ex. We also were a couple about 15 years ago. We started out being friends and I had a boyfriend (who is now my husband) we broke up for a while and that is when "Kevin" and I started dating. He fell for me fast, too fast for me, seeing how I had just broken up with Ron. He told me how much he loved me and I wasn't ready...I was afraid and I was still torn. I was 19 and only had two boyfriends before all this...so this was all new to me. To make a long story short, I wound up getting back with Ron. KEvin, couldn't even bare to remain "just friends", that was until about a year later when his Mom passed away and I called him and went to the funeral, we then became friends again and have been ever since. When my husband and I were dating, we broke up quite a few times, and I remember so many times when I would hang out with Kevin and he would tell me he still loves me and it's always been me. To move along, I kept turning him away, so much to the point that I actually set him up with the woman he is married to now...talk about kicking myself.
So here we are now in a much worse situation then you are in. My husband and I have two children. Kevin and his wife have a son who is 2 1/2 just like my son. To make it worse I go to their house every week for our son's to have a playdate. His wife has no idea and I feel like I am suffocating and I don't know what to do.
I see him with his wife and his son, and I wish it were me he was married to. Only my best friend knows about us and she has no idea what to tell me, which is why I am glad I found your post. I'm hoping we can help each other because I want so badly to end it, but I can't imagine how, not to mention our lives are also bound because of our sons now.
I will be checking back frequently to see if you've responded. I too was desperately looking for someone in my situation, not just a random fling or a new attraction. If these feelings wouldn't have been here prior to the affair I never would have seeked out another man.
You are a whore, enough said. He's married; hands off. Maybe if he GETS a divorce, give him time AFTERWARDS, then you can persue him, but he's married, I know you wouldn't be very happy if your ex's girlfriend, came back into the picture while you and your Ex were married, and besides, if he is willing to leave his then wife, who is to say he wont leave you for someone else? He doesn't sound like a very trusting person if he is able to do that. Leave him alone; let him stay in his marriage, if his wife's cheating was that much of a problem, I'm sure she would have been served papers along time ago, stop being a home wrecker.
You are a whore, enough said. He's married; hands off. Maybe if he GETS a divorce, give him time AFTERWARDS, then you can persue him, but he's married, I know you wouldn't be very happy if your ex's girlfriend, came back into the picture while you and your Ex were married, and besides, if he is willing to leave his then wife, who is to say he wont leave you for someone else? He doesn't sound like a very trusting person if he is able to do that. Leave him alone; let him stay in his marriage, if his wife's cheating was that much of a problem, I'm sure she would have been served papers along time ago, stop being a home wrecker.
Quote:
You are a whore,
Wow, you must be one of the all loving Christians I keep reading about in the Bible.
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