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7 months ago I ran into my old boyfriend, who I havn't seen for 25 years. He was my boyfriend when I was 15-17 years old. At the time we broke up I when we were teenagers, he wanted it to be more serious and I, being only 17 was afraid of talking about
getting married and so forth. I had heard about him a few times between then and now, I
was told by a few people that even years later he asked about me and said he couldn't get
me out of his mind. I too, thought about him alot over the years, and regretted hastily
breaking up with him. Well, the years go by, and I have been married (15 years) and
divorced, he is on his 2nd marriage. His 1st marriage only lasted a few years, his current
marriage is going on over 15 years now. I have also heard from several people that his
current wife is very possessive of him and has alot of problems, including threatening suicide, having 2 afairs (that he knows about) etc... Anyway, when I saw him again it was
obvious that the feelings were still there for us both. When we hugged, neither one of us
wanted to let go. As dramatic as this may sound, I actually felt like I found a missing piece of myself. We exchanged emails and have been in touch ever since. We have met
in person a few times durring lunch and after work. We can talk for hours and be happy
just holding each other. We talk about everything on email, from every day things, our kids, and how we feel about each other. Neither one of us knows what to do. I know this is obviously wrong, and hearing about and knowing people having affairs with married men, before this happened to me, my advise was always to just get out of it and stop it.
Having an affair with a married man is something that will only get people hurt. These things do happen, my best friend actually got back together with her old boyfriend from high school, while she was still married, she got divorced and married her old high school boyfriend, they have been married 17 years now. I feel like an idiot not, believing I would never let myself get into a situation like this. But it's here, it's happening and I don't know what to do. One thing I havn't mentioned yet is that I have been with the same man now for almost 6 years. We have a great relationship, and without him knowing it, I have screwed that up! The old boyfriend that I am, I guess I could say having an affair with has been talking about divorcing his wife, he says they have always had problems and he wants to be with me. I know I sound like the idiot, in love with a married man who realistically may never leave his wife. I would like advise please, mostly from people who have experienced the same thing, not just having an affair like this, but with an old love. Hopefully there is someone out there who can give me advise, good or bad and maybe share their experience.
I concur with Blastoff. Take a look at that site he recommended. There are lots of people going through what you have. Unfortunately, not many success stories but some people who have rekindled, reconnected and ended up together are incredibly happy with their situation. The question is whether you want to risk going on what many on that board call a rollercoaster ride. As for many of those on this board who have judged you, simply ignore them. Nobody else has the right or knowledge to judge you or tell you what you should do because they are not walking in your shoes. Gain as much information about this phenomenon (not uncommon) and make your own decisions and choices. Good luck.
I've never been in your shoes but married men are off limits. If he wants to be with you badly enough he'll divorce his wife soon enough. Just because his current marriage may not be a healthy one doesn't make it right for you to fool around with a married man. While waiting for him to divorce his wife you've got to come to terms with your current relationship of 6 years. It isn't fair for you to drag him along either. If you truly feel that you ultimately want to end up with this old boyfriend then have the decency to make a clean break with this other guy now.
The #1 life principle is Do No Harm. Therefore, you must not do anything with this man that could potentially harm his wife, his children, him, and you. I've had an affair with a married man and got out with great difficulty. It is morally and ethically wrong. Tell him you cannot continue to see him or speak to him because he is married. Mend your broken heart. Believe that there is someone just like him (or better!) out there for you.
I also believe in karmic retribution which means that all your thoughts/words/actions will come back to you in some way. I think many people do not see adultery as wrong anymore because it is so prevalent. Marrieds cheat with singles or other marrieds. Singles cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends. If promises have been made through marriage vows or through talks of exclusivity, then you are honor-bound to respect that other person. Draw the line before you're emotionally tied even deeper than you are now.
Like Talaniman said, perhaps this was meant as a character test for you both. I think that's a very wise analysis. The man with whom I cheated reappeared again to rekindle the relationship. He's still married, I'm still single. But I did not give in. He began calling incessantly, he stopped by my apartment twice, left me notes on my car. I am determined not to allow myself to slip back into immoral behavior again, no matter what. No matter how great the temptation. He will never be in my home again. We will never discuss/do anything that wouldn't be discussed/done in front of his wife. He may not have risen above our past dishonor, but I have. It is my choice to stay on a new path. And it is yours, too. Do not give in.
You think your family is better off if you are in an unhappy marriage? Your children? Your wife?
Its so easy for somebody to pontificate about things that are none of their business or things which they don't understand.
No one deserves to be in an unhappy marriage. But, before moving on to another relationship one must resolve the issues in the unhappy marriage. If it is divorce than fine, if it is counseling than fine, but cheating on your wife or husband is not the answer.
Ouote "His 1st marriage only lasted a few years, his current
marriage is going on over 15 years now. I have also heard from several people that his
current wife is very possessive of him and has alot of problems, including threatening suicide, having 2 afairs (that he knows about) etc..." Sand 32 Does this man have the staying power that it takes to see a marriage through. At 40+ years of age he is ready to leave his second marriage. Ok, lets talk about his wife who seems to have some serious mental issues. Were are his kids when he is meeting up with you? What kind of man leaves his kids with a deranged mentally unstable person to have a moment away with his lover. Is this the kind of man that you want? I do not think he is quite the catch you make him out to be. Even if he leaves his wife for you, which I doubt he will, 15 years is along time to stay with a crazy woman, that you don't love. What happens to you if you and he get together and you start to have problems, will he find someone else to hold and comfort and exchange emails with.
andy2659, You think your family is better off if you are in an unhappy marriage? Your children? Your wife? There is a right way to do things and a wrong way............. Just leave before you bring more misery and pain.
Its so easy for somebody to pontificate about things that are none of their business or things which they don't understand. Whats so hard about to understand its wrong to put your family thru misery and pain, because of BS?????????????????? Be aware that posting in public makes it anybody's business. You stuck your nose in, didn't you?
I concur with Blastoff. Take a look at that site he recommended. There are lots of people going through what you have. Unfortunately, not many success stories but some people who have rekindled, reconnected and ended up together are incredibly happy with their situation. The question is whether you want to risk going on what many on that board call a rollercoaster ride. As for many of those on this board who have judged you, simply ignore them. Nobody else has the right or knowledge to judge you or tell you what you should do because they are not walking in your shoes. Gain as much information about this phenomenon (not uncommon) and make your own decisions and choices. Good luck.
So you are telling this woman to only think of what is good for her,. The children caught up in this lying cheating deception, do not deserve to have parents that are foscused on them and what is best for them. I had a lying cheating father so I feel as though I have the right to judge her. I am 44 years old and I still remember the fights, the other women and being ignored because he was to caught up in something other than being a father. He is in his 60's now and gues what he is still up to the same old $hit so what does that tell you about men that are to immature to deal with their problems and just go from woman to woman. *Edit* Oh and by the way when he and my mom divorced I was 6 years old. So dear old dad has been a womaniser for what 38 years hmm.....
Just leave before you bring more misery and pain. 
You stuck your nose in, didn't you?
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