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Wow, where do I begin. We have known each other for 5 years and have been extremely great friends. Not only is he married but I am close with his kids, know his wife and I work for him. Funny thing is, I never found him sexually attractive and therefore allowed myself to get close to him and this is how we grew to be very close friends. We socialized regularly but I never thought we would ever cross the line. He made a few attempts but I always passed them off as a joke. Anyways one night several months ago I gave in to his advances and we crossed the line. Fortunately I did not sleep with him. However after that night I started to realize that I had serious feelings for him and that I could not get passed that night. He was sceptical about getting involved, however we got involved. He would never take it all the way and maybe in some ways I should be grateful. What bothers me is that he said that he wanted to try and just have fun with it and was afraid of getting emotionally involved and yet he took it to the next level by introducing the "L" word. After the night we said it, he would never repeat it. He said he did not want me to know how he really felt. To make a long story short he is now telling me that things have happened at home that have made the wife suspicious of him cheating and we need to end it in fear that not only will she find out but that she will find out it is me. He says he wants to go back to being friends. The way we were before we got involved. How the heck do I do that? He has had me on an emotional rollercoaster for several months. He told me that he has not even so much as kissed another woman besides his wife in the last 29 years of married. When I asked him why me, his answer was because of how close we got and circumstance. All he would ever say is that he wanted to be with me but because of his situation he could not, said he could not be completely physical because it would bring us emotionally closer. But I never could get it. What we did do actually brought us more emotionally closer than sex would have ever done. Needless to say, it is over now and I am not happy with the way that he chose to deal with things in the past and the way that he chooses to deal with things in the present. However, I do not know how to move past this. My desk is steps away from his office and although I do not have to deal with him directly on a daily basis, I do see and hear him on almost a daily basis. The office environment is an incredibly social one and unless I leave the company, avoiding him is near impossible. However, leaving the company is really not an answer. The problem is, I don't know how to not let any of it bother me any longer. It is near impossible to get up in the morning, let alone look forward to going to work. When I get there it takes everything in me to get even slightly motivated. Mind you when he is not there I am able to concentrate and am incredibly productive, however when he is in the office I have no hope in hell. To top it all off, because most of the office leaves by 4.30 and he generally works a little later, I end up going into his office at the end of the day in hopes to sort things out and end up leaving even more miserable than when I started. Somehow I need to put an end to this and have worn out most of my sources. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading
This man has a wife (that he obviously doesn't intend to give up) and kids. Don't be a homewrecker. Get him out of your mind, he shouldn't have been there in the first place.
I can tell you aren't a bad person, things happen. No matter how unfortunate they may be, they happen. If you intend on staying at your job, you must find a way to seperate your professional life from your emotional state. You do indeed need to seek help. You need to talk to someone who can help you to sort through your feelings. You said you are close to his kids..use this to help your cause. You don't want to hurt them, do you? Bottom line...you have to be able to have a professional relationship with your boss. If you can't do this at your job, you need to look for another. Don't try going in his office at the end of the day, this doesn't help you. Make sure that if you EVER go in his office it is strictly business. Again..easier said than done, but you have to decide what you can handle and what you need to move from. I truly wish you the best of luck!
Darlin, you answered your own question in a statement "He has had me on an emotional roller coaster."
Then get off.
Seriously, its that simple. You're the only one that is keeping you on that roller coaster, the teacups are just as fun... and you have control of those.
Just like Tal said, its not worth it, its a dead end street. I don't think you're going to be able to go back to "the way you were before" because your heart got involved.
Don't let yourself stay on that emotional rollercoaster, take charge, get off, and start looking elsewhere for a job.
Wow, where do I begin. We have known each other for 5 years and have been extremely great friends. Not only is he married but I am close with his kids, know his wife and I work for him. Funny thing is, I never found him sexually attractive and therefore allowed myself to get close to him and this is how we grew to be very close friends. We socialized regularly but I never thought we would ever cross the line. He made a few attempts but I always passed them off as a joke. Anyways one night several months ago I gave in to his advances and we crossed the line. Fortunately I did not sleep with him. However after that night I started to realize that I had serious feelings for him and that I could not get passed that night. He was sceptical about getting involved, however we got involved. He would never take it all the way and maybe in some ways I should be grateful. What bothers me is that he said that he wanted to try and just have fun with it and was afraid of getting emotionally involved and yet he took it to the next level by introducing the "L" word. After the night we said it, he would never repeat it. He said he did not want me to know how he really felt. To make a long story short he is now telling me that things have happened at home that have made the wife suspicious of him cheating and we need to end it in fear that not only will she find out but that she will find out it is me. He says he wants to go back to being friends. The way we were before we got involved. How the heck do I do that? He has had me on an emotional rollercoaster for several months. He told me that he has not even so much as kissed another woman besides his wife in the last 29 years of married. When I asked him why me, his answer was because of how close we got and circumstance. All he would ever say is that he wanted to be with me but because of his situation he could not, said he could not be completely physical because it would bring us emotionally closer. But I never could get it. What we did do actually brought us more emotionally closer than sex would have ever done. Needless to say, it is over now and I am not happy with the way that he chose to deal with things in the past and the way that he chooses to deal with things in the present. However, I do not know how to move past this. My desk is steps away from his office and although I do not have to deal with him directly on a daily basis, I do see and hear him on almost a daily basis. The office environment is an incredibly social one and unless I leave the company, avoiding him is near impossible. However, leaving the company is really not an answer. The problem is, I don't know how to not let any of it bother me any longer. It is near impossible to get up in the morning, let alone look forward to going to work. When I get there it takes everything in me to get even slightly motivated. Mind you when he is not there I am able to concentrate and am incredibly productive, however when he is in the office I have no hope in hell. To top it all off, because most of the office leaves by 4.30 and he generally works a little later, I end up going into his office at the end of the day in hopes to sort things out and end up leaving even more miserable than when I started. Somehow I need to put an end to this and have worn out most of my sources. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading
Thank you all for your opinions and advice. To keep you posted further, I have kept my distance and have started to look for a new job. The new job is not going to come easily, but I am trying. Worst case, if I stay at this job I am just trying to avoid him in every way possible. However, sometimes it's not that easy. Believe me when I say, I never wanted this!
Keep looking for another job, and I'm glad you don't have any "pie in the sky" notions about this and you have seen the wrong in what you did and are trying to move on. Good luck.
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