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i love my girl to death and i want to make it work!
ok guys ima give it to you straight, im a brotha that has a caucasion girl friend, well had. We've been together for 4 years, im a Saggitarrius, and shes a Pises.
I love this girl so much! I made the mistake of trying to keep her in check by saying i want to break up, When i dont mean it at all! I never wanted to break up with her, I love her! I know, terrible thing to do, but u have to understand, she has hurt me so many times and i kept looking back at the past.But for once in my life, im done looking back! i want to move on with her in my life! I finally understand! I just wanted to make her see that if she lost me, what would happen. And for a while, it worked. She kept comming back.And i took her back! But then one day, everything changed. She actually wanted to break up with me. For good this time. Then everything clicked in my head. why did i do this to her, the one i loved with a passion so deep. i must be stupid, so i pleaded with her to stay with me, but she wont. she keeps saying "I need time to think" and i keep telling her lets work through it! but she wont listen. She dwells on the past just like i did! and i told her! i said"J look, dwelling on the past has destroyed this relationship. Look at my mistakes, look at what has happened because of me looking back! Dont make the same mistake i did. Please, just let it go and lets just start ova!" But she wont. She cant let go of the past and start over with me, when its so easy, she just does'nt see it anymore, shes finally given up. I made her feel so low, we've been back and fourth struggling trying to keep our relationship alive, her mom hates me because im black and her family wont approve, my family up in new york loves her they think shes great but my family down south hates the fact that im going out with a white girl and they hate her. i love her to death and i dont care what any one thinks! But how can i try to make this work when she wont even let go of the past, she wont even try to make it work....I just wanted one more chance! I know i can make a difference! But she just wants "time to think" she thinks we should "seperate" and then she thinks we should be friends! I tried that for a lil and then i told her that i cant do it any more it hurts too much! seeing her and knowing i cant hug her or kiss her like i normally do!? come on!
i really messed this relationship up guys and i need help!
You are not being honest with us or yourself. Reread your own post and you will see that you have been cruel, and manipulative in your relationships as well as controlling, so don't think for a minute that we buy that oh woe is me line your trying to feed us. You have a lot of growing to do whether you want to face it or not.
wait hold on, just because ive said things out of anger doesnt mean that im not being honest, i know i have alot of growing up to do, ive read my own post about 7 times already, what you dont understand is that im going to think this way because i havent started to grow yet. obviously because im still the same age correct? i mean im still here typing on this keyboard, growing up doesnt happen over night guy, but people do change with the wind. as have I, i read my post, i know what i did, i ackknowledge what ive done, ive done as much to her as shes done to me, but i did want to give her another chance didnt i? i tried to hang on didnt i? so now im the bad guy because i finally understand that it was never meant to be in the first place? now who needs the growing up? i just think youre still mad at me because of what i was typin a couple days ago, i told you ive realized, what more do you want? a verbal appology? why arent you trying to help me with my problem rather than dwell on what i WAS typing? hm?
the past is the past, leave it at that. the things i did and said was because i was unable to except that it was over am i right? so now i accept it finally and i get pennalized? common. at least im moving on here....
yea but im not trash talking. im only speaking from experience, every woman ive been with has cheated on me and ive stayed faithful, so how can you tell me that its not going to happen again? why should i open my heart to other women when the same things bound to occur? i dont feel i should take this chance any more.
you just have to see where im comming from. i treat women with the utmost respect, until they present themselves as lower than women... i went through hell with this girl, and when the fire gets alittle hott, you wanna bail out on me? i thought we were in this together? guess not. you know the funny thing too? i was willing to give her another chance, but she wouldnt let me in, its like we were never in love. so angry? nah, i just dont want that part of my life anymore. honestly i dont need it. id rather stay single and party anyday than to devote myself to someone who sneaks behind my back.
Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you explain that there are honest women in the world and you don't seem to ever hook up with them? Maybe that's worth taking a closer look at-- just a thought meant to be helpful. You're right about growing up doesn't happen overnight but it is facilitated by a willingness to look at self.
Alizeblu, your angry and hurt and I totally understand and so does everybody else. But your going to live for another 80 years, probably longer and this in the grand sceme of things was just a little time in your life. Trust me you'll get over her and move on and there will be better women out there for you.
But I want to second something Val said, despite all that has gone on and some of your emotional rants you have something that few people have at your age, and that is a willingness to learn. I encourage you take some time and let your emotions calm down and get yourself back in order. I also encourage you to stick around here and just soak up the knowledge here at this board so that when the next girl comes along you will be better prepared.
Trust me, I never had anyone teach me anything, I've learned through trial and error and many times repeating the same sceniro with different woman before I figured some things out. I've also learn a lot just reading other posts here and figuring out what to do. I've often said that I wish I had a site like this 10 years ago and that would put me right about your age. I know you don't see it now, but maybe this whole thing was the best thing that could have happened to you because it sent you in another direction in which you can become a better and smarter person when the next better and smarter woman comes along.
and chuff you are absolutley right, i agree with everything you say because its all true,
but look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead? i know that i wont find the "perfect " woman because they dont exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one ive been with, but i know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. so instead of wondering if we will be stong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?
i mean theres tons of stuff i can do single that you cant do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that cant be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? youve seen the rant, youve seen the foolishness, and the childish things ive done out of anger. honestly people can live without love. they do it all the time.
so i choose not to, not because im a coward or because im not being honest with myself, only because ive chosen not to get hurt anymore. id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that i have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. and even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. which is why ive chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so i can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.
this is the path that i have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but i have friends, i can handle it. loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.
the past is the past, leave it at that. the things i did and said was because i was unable to except that it was over am i right? so now i accept it finally and i get pennalized? common. at least im moving on here....
Don't be so defensive, the whole point is how to handle your emotions with positive actions, not the impulsive rants that come from your keyboard. More thoughts before actions. Its a process that takes time and practice.
Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:
Quote:
i love my girl all i need is help to keep her! i want her thats all there is.
I would have pm'd you privately but you have that feature shut off.
Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you explain that there are honest women in the world and you don't seem to ever hook up with them? Maybe that's worth taking a closer look at-- just a thought meant to be helpful. You're right about growing up doesn't happen overnight but it is facilitated by a willingness to look at self.
my picker? never thought i had one, i just thought that life throws these people at you, which are complete strangers,then love steps in. and in order for you to absolutley know if this person is right for you, you HAVE to BUILD a relationship with em.
i dont know i might be mistaken.
and i am willing to take a closer look at myself, ive been doing it the whole time. and i know what ive been doing was wrong and acknowledge that.
But look at it this way, would i even be here if i wasnt in a relationship at all?
Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:
I would have pm'd you privately but you have that feature shut off.
oh shoot lol thats my bad on my part lol sorry bout that ill change that right now. lol thats probably why people think im lying! lol
and chuff you are absolutley right, i agree with everything you say because its all true,
but look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead? i know that i wont find the "perfect " woman because they dont exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one ive been with, but i know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. so instead of wondering if we will be stong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?
i mean theres tons of stuff i can do single that you cant do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that cant be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? youve seen the rant, youve seen the foolishness, and the childish things ive dont out of anger. honestly people can live without love. they do it all the time.
so i choose not to, not because im a coward or because im not being honest with myself, only because ive chosen not to get hurt anymore. id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that i have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. and even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. which is why ive chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so i can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.
this is the path that i have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but i have friends, i can handle it. loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.
The 'Perfect Woman' does exist. I am married to her. And somewhere in the world there is the 'perfect woman' for you. However, I must add a caveat. When you find your perfect woman bear in mind that she may well be looking for the 'perfect man.'
True love pays the bills of a happy life and keeps the light of life, optimism, hope, and peace of mind glowing brightly and steady adown the years.
Never give up on yourself or on your search for happiness. It is available.
ok guys ima give it to you straight, im a brotha that has a caucasion girl friend, well had. We've been together for 4 years, im a Saggitarrius, and shes a Pises.
I love this girl so much! I made the mistake of trying to keep her in check by saying i want to break up, When i dont mean it at all! I never wanted to break up with her, I love her! I know, terrible thing to do, but u have to understand, she has hurt me so many times and i kept looking back at the past.But for once in my life, im done looking back! i want to move on with her in my life! I finally understand! I just wanted to make her see that if she lost me, what would happen. And for a while, it worked. She kept comming back.And i took her back! But then one day, everything changed. She actually wanted to break up with me. For good this time. Then everything clicked in my head. why did i do this to her, the one i loved with a passion so deep. i must be stupid, so i pleaded with her to stay with me, but she wont. she keeps saying "I need time to think" and i keep telling her lets work through it! but she wont listen. She dwells on the past just like i did! and i told her! i said"J look, dwelling on the past has destroyed this relationship. Look at my mistakes, look at what has happened because of me looking back! Dont make the same mistake i did. Please, just let it go and lets just start ova!" But she wont. She cant let go of the past and start over with me, when its so easy, she just does'nt see it anymore, shes finally given up. I made her feel so low, we've been back and fourth struggling trying to keep our relationship alive, her mom hates me because im black and her family wont approve, my family up in new york loves her they think shes great but my family down south hates the fact that im going out with a white girl and they hate her. i love her to death and i dont care what any one thinks! But how can i try to make this work when she wont even let go of the past, she wont even try to make it work....I just wanted one more chance! I know i can make a difference! But she just wants "time to think" she thinks we should "seperate" and then she thinks we should be friends! I tried that for a lil and then i told her that i cant do it any more it hurts too much! seeing her and knowing i cant hug her or kiss her like i normally do!? come on!
i really messed this relationship up guys and i need help!
Brother you made a complete mess of this relationship by not being honest and by jerking her around. Do you wonder that she got tired of being treated like this and ditched you? You have to show respect, commitment, honour, love, affection, interest, concern for her welfare, but all you did was play mind games with her to try to keep her under your control. That's a no-no, and you need to ditch that behaviour. Perhaps it is time for you to talk to your Momma and Poppa again and listen to them this time, huh? They will tell you what works and what doesn't.
Your life is at its beginning, not at its end, but unless you change your destructive behaviour you will continue to alienate those who love you. Have you seriously considered relationship counselling?
Don't be so defensive, the whole point is how to handle your emotions with positive actions, not the impulsive rants that come from your keyboard. More thoughts before actions. Its a process that takes time and practice.
see? thats what i meant by people giving up so easily. by covering things up and handling your emotions in a positive manner, the truth is, you cant handle your emotions, as i have proven this in a negative manner, i choose to let them rise surface as they see fit.
the only thing im changing is my perception on the situation.
i used to think that love will find a way no matter what.
but then i found out that i was wrong, so ive chosen to stay away from loves grasp before behaving irrational again.
time and practice? not needed. i feel better than i did when i was with her. 10 times better!
i could do backflips!
the point is, theres no point in risking your feelings by taking chances with a complete stranger, ok you might find the right on someday that will go through the fire with you all the way, but i choose not to risk it. because chances are i wont find that person right away anyways.
trial and error. i believe thats how someone put it.
but look at it this way,
ok guys ima give it to you straight, im a brotha that has a caucasion girl friend, well had. We've been together for 4 years, im a Saggitarrius, and shes a Pises.
RGANITE
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