Here it is, i am in love with my ex and i cant get her out of my head. To me she is the most amazing person in my life, and as much as i have tried to be her friend for nearly a year now i still cant get her out of my head!
She is everything i ever wanted and i ended it because i was stupid just turned eighteen year old who wanted the single life. I dont deserve her back cos of how i threw it all away but there is nothing in my life i want more than to be with her.
I know deep inside me i could make her the happiest she could ever be, and she has been hurt by guys for a long time now, her ex boyfriend was a nasty guy to her and cheated on her and i feel sorry for her, she deserves the best, and i think that i could be the best to her now and i am mature enough for a relationship with her but i have told her how i feel and she says she wants to be friends and she does like me but not enough to get back together but i cant get the thought out of my head that maybe one day it could happen again and everyday i am going slowly insane with the thought of not being with her everyday. I get on great with her family, even her amazing dog meg loves me!
I just want her back and need to talk to someone about it all but my friends are good to me but sometimes would be better to talk to someone i dont know so well.
So if anyone can help me as i sit at my computer typing in tears then please message me and let me know, because in a million years i could not be an ounce as sad as i am now, my job, car, family means nothing to me if i am not with her and it is killing me. I saw her last night and we went out for a drink with a few mates and it was a big smile on my face all evening and i told her if she ever needs anything from me i will always be here for her and then it hit me, i am only a friend and i am never going to be more unless i try, and i am going to try my hardest to get back with her!
Am i going insane? Do we stand a chance? please help
TOM x

Geoffersonairplane

I am sorry to say this Tom, but it is unlikely that you will be able to turn this back into a relationship with her. She has made it clear to you that she likes you but only as a friend.

You need to make a decision here, is it best for you to remain friends with her when you have such strong feelings for her that are not reciprocated?

You could end up pushing her away as a friend if you in any way put pressure on her to try and give it a second chance (which is unlikely to happen under the circumstances)

I think you need to distance yourself from her, even as a friend for a while so that you can sort through these feelings. It is not only fair on her but also fair on yourself. Unreciprocated love is almost unbearable if you are constantly in the company of that person.

By giving yourself distance away from her, you can put these feelings into perspective and sort through them. You have a process of grieving to do here (even though you were the one that broke it off) and you can only start this process if you give yourself this distance.

I know what you are going to say...."but I can't because she hangs around with my friends, so that is just not possible"

It is possible and you must do what is right to protect yourself from any more emotional pain. Don't beat yourself up for making the mistake of giving her up. Everyone makes mistakes and falls short of perfection and life is a long process of learning from a succession of mistakes.

You have already made the first step by understanding that you made a mistake. There will be other Loves in your life and someone will turn up again, you may have to meet a few before you get to the woman you are really meant to be with..

Anyway, I hope it all works out for you mate and it will, IN TIME!!

BlazingCold

Welcome Tom, you've come to the right place. The people here (like Geoff) give excellent advice, that is, if you choose to take it.

Distance yourself from her. Being friends with someone you desperately want to be more with is an extremely hurtful experience. The friendship will suffer and fail because one of you doesn't really want to be friends.

Get away from her, focus on yourself and making a better you, and come at this when you aren't so infatuated with her. This isn't easy (I sort of know how you feel, but not exactly), but it is essential for the grieving process.

@Geoff
I wish I could be as eloquent as you!

Allheart

bloodbomb,

I could never add anything that would even come close to Geoff's advice. It is perfect.

What I do want to say is I am so sorry for your sadness. I wish there was a majic wand that could take it all away. But sadly, one hasn't been invented yet.

Please stay in touch, the folks here, truly do care.

By the way, letting your emotions out is a good thing, and you always have us and I am sure some true good friends to lean on.

My best to you.

kp2171

look, i dated a girl for 6 years (HS, college, after), expected to marry her, it fell apart. didnt date again for 2 more and took longer to get her out of my head. so i get the "woe is me" bit. sucks to be you. it happens. happened to me.

you dont get to choose for her. she says no. its done. you are obsessing.


again... youve got some hard work to do, and it has NOTHING to do with winning her back. you need to suck it up, suffer a little, and move on. you have not moved on. itll be ugly for some time. then one day you realize it doesnt suck so much. then one day its a hell of a lot better.

so you broke up. you may never get her again. heres the thing... shes NOT likely to make the mistake you are making... thinking obsession is the healthy basis of a relationship. someone who finds no meaning in life other than to be with another person isnt necessarily on the fast track to getting a stable relationship. having a "butler" might entertain her for a while, but not likely long term.

so... im not being mean, im being truthful... again, i wasted a couple of years trying to work my head into the right place... or maybe it wasnt wasted at all... it just took a lot of time and a lot of frustration to get to a better place... but you need to be with NOBODY but yourself for a while.

until you can find happiness in your life, job, family, etc on your own you are not likely to find it in a relationship. then, when you get yourself back to a stable place, well maybe shell be interested, maybe not. sometimes it works out when people try again. you just cant count on that being the cornerstone of your happiness.

yes... everything IS better when you are in a healthy relationship... but you are saying right now she is the only person who can save you, and that you are the best person to save her.... im guessing neither of those are true.

tomtomtom

Hi Tom,

probably not as wise as some of the people here, but would add to the above that, if by some miracle you did get back together with your ex, it would never be the same as how it was before.

Maybe, you might feel the same way about her, but the fact that you dumped her will probably mean that she will never be able to get back together without the fact that you rejected her sitting at the back of her mind, which will make things really difficult for her. She won't be able to fully trust you which is not the best thing to have in a relationship. This might be why she doesn't want to get back together with you and if you care about her your respect her wishes.

This is my opinion from my experience as dumper and dumpee. Then again, I know friends that have split up with their longterm boyfriends/girlfriends of 2 years + and have ended up back together.

So, I agree with the guys/girls above on one front, you should distance yourself from her and get over it. This will do you and her the world of good in the long term and eventually you may even become friends again, you'll probably never be best friends, due to your history. I went out with a girl for three years and we were head over heels for each other, then when we were both were 20 we both went to university. We were near enough to each other to remain together but we split up, she did the splitting and despite being heart broken and seriously unhappy on an epic scale, realized that it did make sense.

We remained in contact and luckily I only saw her during the holidays, It took me a really long time to truly get over her, went out with other girls but she'd always pop into my mind ( less and less the more time past). We did even have another crack at it at one point, but it wasn't the same and I as mentioned didn't fully trust her or trust myself with her, so I broke it off. Eventually, a while later we started to see each other again as friends and although we don't see each other all the time mainly due to it sometimes upsetting some of our current boyfriends/girlfriends , it's always fun when do do meet up as we both know each other so well, have always got on really well together and can always reminisce about the shared a chunk of our lives.

Anyway, I'll stop waffling, the point is, you'll be able to get over her, and may be able to still be part of each others lives in some way. But imagine this won't happen if you see her all the time harboring these feelings.

Hope it all goes well!

sovaira

i have had this type of relationship,my boyfriend betrayed me,and i could not take him out of my mind,its pretty hard to forget some one really ,yes but ITS ONLY GOING TO YOU ,WHO HAS TO COME OVER WITH IT ,YOU WILL FIND SOME ONE MORE LOVING THAN HER ,SOME DAY .

some one out there is still waiting for u!

u said u r mature ,but i think u r not mature enough,since u have had the best part of ur life and u wanted to be single and enjoy being a,one and bachelor,,hehehehhe


but some thing i can tell u for sure ,is that God will someday make u meet a girl ,who is made for u.just wait ,and please at that time dont think again that u want to be alone,unless u really dont want to.

gudluck

BarryFrank

Hey Tom, dude im in exactly the same situation as you my friend, i to left my gf because of reasons and now i realises i want her back, or do i?

Im mean its been what nearly a year now and i see her everyday.
Her ing new bf drinks at my work place.

I could go on forever but bottom line is dude, your not alone

You gotta keep your chin up, and i afraid to say its over man.

So have your cry, get it all out, you've hit rock bottom. But you cant go lower, no ones asking you to be sad, no ones asking you to be happy, just do what you have to do to get by each day. Just survive each day until YOU want to pick up the pieces.
Im only just about doing it man so im in the same boat.

Ways i found helpful to ease the pain was/is:

-Music
-Hobbies
-Weights
-Work


Just keep your mind off her, and i know its hard but you've got to try.
And you've got to try staying away from her, to save your feelings getting hurt, it kills me everytime to have a chat with my ex then her bf texts her.

TIME WILL HEAL THESE WOUNDS, PATITENCE IS THE KEY.


Your not alone bro


=]

imsy

well sadly i cant help you with this but id just like to say that u are not the only one lol i dumped my bf about 3 weeks ago but i still have strong feelings for him and i know he feels the same , but he also wants to stay friends, i really need to know how to get him back !!!!!!

susieq89

heyy.. i understand what you're saying. it's a hard thing wanting your ex back. trust me i know. i was going out with this guy for 6 months when we finally broke up. it all ended for a couple reasons like.. we started our senior year and had no classes together. outside of school i worked and he was in a band (even though i quit my job before we broke up so..) but then he started ditchin me when we already made plans and wouldn't really call me anymore. anyway now i think he's talkin to this other girl at my school even though he already has a kid with someone else. my friend told me he's just talkin to her because he knows she's easy but it still hurts to see them together. then he just recently told me friend that he really missed me but it could never work because of my "mood swings" and the fact that he can never know what im thinking. im really confused about the whole "mood swings" thing though because ever time i was with him i was always so happy?? but i do admit that lately i've been actin kinda weird cause seein him with this other girl and stuff... but i do kinda blame myself for not really opening up to him i just wish he knew like.. im so thankful for the fact that he never pressured me to do anything i didn't want to do and that he was so patient with me for the 6 months we were together. my friend told me to sit down and talk to him and tell him i miss him too cause she thinks he still cares since he got me something for christamas i just don't know..