Long-term doesn't work with me. Too confused and too sad.

bjohnrupp · Sep 29, 2009, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am wondering if you are choosing the wrong men on a subconcious level while passing over some that might have been better picks because it might have taken more work to get to know them.

I think you are giving yourself mixed messages. Choosing to date men who live in a different state than you do, makes me think you aren't quite as ready to "settle down" as I think you want to be. However, it also sounds like you may overwhelm the men you date and yourself with "showcasing" the domestic skills that you would bring to a marriage.

It might be an idea to slow down and think about what you really want.

Good point!

talaniman · Sep 30, 2009, 02:57 PM

You have only been here a year, so take the time to get used to the American way of life, and you can enjoy it with good clean adult fun.

SEX doesn't equal marriage. Nor does dating. Find a guy get to know him well first, then you can see if he is partner material, or just someone to have fun with. That takes time.

You really do kiss a lot of frogs before one turns out to be a prince.

summer7 · Oct 1, 2009, 11:27 PM

Hi Sweety,
Just thought I would say hello. Hope you are feeling better than you were the other day.

Stay positive...Things always get better. I hope you pick up a few books on relationships. It's good to learn some tips from the experts. Hope you have a fun weekend. You might meet a nice guy. Don't sleep with him too soon.

abc_abc_abc · Oct 2, 2009, 09:22 PM

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Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

I mean do you have any clue about dating/relationships?

With Americans no, that's why I write here.
In my country you can easy understand it is one night-stand or more, here they act like they are in love and than jump away, that is a kind of "cheap" style for me.

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can't you find a guy that lives within 1/2 hour from you?

Well, I didn't meet any 1/2 hour from me, I live in criminal area, don't think it is the best place for dream-man

but best place to find any kind of drugs

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No guy wants to hear about wife/ marriage stuff on the 1st date.

I'm really not so stupid.

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Maybe you should go back to Russia because you're obviously on a different page.

Not every Russian is from Russia, there are 15 countries/republics and I'm Russian from one of them. You need to get better education

Why do I need to go back? Just because I met a few idiots and have some misunderstanding with mentality of American men? Dear, it will get some time, for sure.

Have a good week-end

abc_abc_abc · Oct 2, 2009, 09:41 PM

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Originally Posted by summer7

OK, lesson #1. You won't find Mr. Right at a gay club. Lesson #2. Look for a guy in you own state.

Right!

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I keep giving the same advice over and over but the best place to meet people and guys especially (for me at least) is if you join a club or group or some team activity.

Yes, I started to think about that.

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As far as the sex goes, don't give in too soon. Guys like the chase. There is only one game you need to play and that is the "hard to get game". I'm serious. I wish I could whisper this in your ear instead of posting it and get all the guys out there mad at me, but it's true.

Thank you so much. I even told about your post one of my American friend, she has the same problems with men like me

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They won't trust you if you sleep with them right away.

Ok, but I really don't understand this logica and connection between sex and trust

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Pick up a couple of books on relationships...There's probably a lot of information you can get on the internet.

That's what I really not going to do. The life in the books and magazins isn't like in reality. That's why many women believe in perfect relationship that very hard to find, because we watch drama-movies and believe it is like that in life.

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You will meet someone wonderful. Just relax...Good luck.

Good, good, thanks!

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I also want to add that I am happy to have seen your note. There is a new Russian girl at work and I will make it a point to reach out to her and see that she is well connected with some new friends.

Take care of her, but be careful ,if you meet Russian you are in trouble

Second World's War history

abc_abc_abc · Oct 2, 2009, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am wondering if you are choosing the wrong men on a subconcious level while passing over some that might have been better picks because it might have taken more work to get to know them.

You know why? Because for me a sexual attraction is important too. I see there are many "right" guys, but I can't date them if I don't feel I want him, even if he is smart and you can say he will be a good boyfriend . Just get bored fast. Seems I always liked bad guys=playboys...

amicon · Oct 3, 2009, 03:09 AM

Try building a friendship with a guy before thinking about romantic relationships. I don't know a lot about the American dating scene as I live in England and grew up in Sweden and I assume all countries are different. However when in Rome etc. There are many nice men in the world but you ll not find them until you let go of 'having' to be in a relationship I e when you re comfortable being with yourself and happy being you.

summer7 · Oct 3, 2009, 07:49 AM

Lock on the underwear....great idea. Now, don't give them the key when you first meet them! Ha-Ha-Ha

summer7 · Oct 3, 2009, 10:26 AM

Hi abc,
I completely understand you when you mention having to feel an attraction. Yes, those "bad boys" can be verrrrry sexy! Just protect your heart that you do not have so many disappointments that you will find it difficult to trust or "love" when the right guy comes along.

Oh, what I meant by "the guy might not trust you if you sleep with him too soon" was that the guy might really like the sex with you but he will be thinking that you do that with all the guys. So, even if he really likes you, he might be thinking that you do that with all the guys and will not trust you.

About reading on relationships...You are living in the US. The people here, the culture etc. Are different from yours. The relationship books here are written with Americans in mind since they market the books here. The research done for the books is based on "this" culture. By reading these books, you will get an idea as to the way (in a very general sense) the people think. It does not mean that you will adopt this way of thinking but isn't it a good idea to get as much information as possible so that you can understand why this culture thinks and behaves as it does?

I will give you an example about myself...I am still in school and also have a job. It is my first corporate job with a huge international company. You described feeling as though you are on the moon here. Well, this is my country and I felt like I was on the moon at this company (in my own country). The people seemed to speak a different language. The behavior is completely different. There are rules and regulations and customs that are not spoken about but you are "expected" to know them. I found myself in situations where I needed to "watch my back" and understand the politics. I honestly did not think I would make it. I read all the books I could about the American corporate environment, the people and the structure. Having all this understanding and knowledge has helped me to survive and thrive at the company. I learned how to be myself and still function within this system. Knowledge is power! Hope this advice helps.

Long-term doesn't work with me. Too confused and too sad.

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